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Reload this Page Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Stove Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently? - 01-22-2019, 10:49 PM

What church do I go to?

- I don't go to any church yet because I have not been able to find any churches here in Iowa that actually practice the King James Bible (you know, rather than just saying they do)


What is my favorite Bible verse?


- My favorite Bible verse is John 6:35


And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.


How did I come to find Jesus?


- I came to find Jesus when I saw his face in my toasted english muffin.
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Prayer Re: My Introduction - 01-22-2019, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I don't go to any church yet because I have not been able to find any churches here in Iowa that actually practice the King James Bible (you know, rather than just saying they do)
Try and locate whatever church Steve King goes to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My favorite Bible verse is John 6:35


And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.
Kind of generic, to be honest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I came to find Jesus when I saw his face in my toasted english muffin.
Exodus 20:4


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 12:17 AM

Oh! A mocker! Shocking!

Anyway, is Iowa still a thing outside Freehold? I though they would have closed by now. Specially Des Moines.


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 01:39 AM

A very cautious welcome to you.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Cake Re: My Introduction - 01-27-2019, 09:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Seems to me that Muffin muffed.
He does seem a bit miffed. Perhaps he has fallen butter side down.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Try and locate whatever church Steve King goes to.


Kind of generic, to be honest.


Exodus 20:4
Steve King is a Papist. Although I admire his political work, the fact remains that Papists are not Christians. They do not practice the King James Bible.


I am not worshipping my English muffin - After all, I am not a transubstantiation-believing Papist. But I did find Jesus by seeing the imprint of his face on my toasted English muffin.
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Rebuke Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 03:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Steve King is a Papist.
Well that's news to me. If so, he is a prime candidate for conversion to True Christianity.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Although I admire his political work, the fact remains that Papists are not Christians. They do not practice the King James Bible.
Oh gee, really? Unsaved trash such as yourself should not presume to lecture a True Christian. Mind your place.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
am not worshipping my English muffin - After all, I am not a transubstantiation-believing Papist. But I did find Jesus by seeing the imprint of his face on my toasted English muffin.
Please provide chapter and verse where the Lord Jesus Christ promises to return in the form of burnt breakfast. This was probably the actual face you saw:


Does the toast speak to you as well? Does it tell you to do things?


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 06:09 AM

Your username has me very concerned. You are a muffin man - what Christian man would take a woman's role as a profession? I fear your prolonged baking of tasty goods has made you soft, as evident by your terse answers that tell us almost nothing.
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 10:27 PM

Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"

Although this this is not a reference to his Awesome and Glorious Second Coming, it is a promise that his face will appear in your toast.


No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.


I don't bake any of the tasty goods I enjoy eating. My wife does. The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
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Bible Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 11:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.
Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 12:50 AM

Are you aware that the word muffin is the damage-dealing component of the word "muffintop" a weapon used by fat-shamers to assault women?

No, obviously your privilege blinds you. Repent!


Trigger Warning: the text you have just read may have caused: flashbacks to historical oppression, normalization of whiteness, hegemonic hyper-masculinity (if I must say so myself), assumption of genders, species, and/or status as a living being, other problematic sins which are yet to be discovered and outlawed but I should still be (eventually) punished for.
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?

Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.



While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.
1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast. Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread. I used to be an ignorant heathen up until that morning after my marriage when I saw the face of Jesus in my toasted English muffin. My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.


2. My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma. This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?
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Bible Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast.
So can Michael Jackson.



It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread.
I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I used to be an ignorant heathen
Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.
You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma.
Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:
  1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
  2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
  3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?
Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)!


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers?
As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna


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But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
flag Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna
You mean the Freedom Toast? I'll be sure and remind her.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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