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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 09:16 PM

Brothers, I discovered store bought pies in MY home. Brother Seth found frozen pie crust boxes in his trash.
I am speechless to say the least. Have you found any thing abnormal about your wives pies? Are they a little to perfect? Sure Phebe blamed the pies on Helen our house guest. Sister BIG claims that she has not used a frozen crust in 6 months. Brothers are we a pawn in a pie conspiracy? Gentleman check your freezers and trash. This is what I found in my refrigerator, pies from a store And a coupon book hidden in the cupboard.
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 09:31 PM

I will not be able to sleep until I have purged my home of evil pie conspirators. I think I will hold Cindy Lou's feet over a fire until she confesses and disavows whatever lesbanian/feminist blood cult has put her up to this. Or maybe I should put rats in a bowl against her stomach and heat the bowl until the rats gnaw their way into her intestines. The rat method is a bit of a hassle, but it will extract a confession more quickly.


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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 09:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
I will not be able to sleep until I have purged my home of evil pie conspirators. I think I will hold Cindy Lou's feet over a fire until she confesses and disavows whatever lesbanian/feminist blood cult has put her up to this. Or maybe I should put rats in a bowl against her stomach and heat the bowl until the rats gnaw their way into her intestines. The rat method is a bit of a hassle, but it will extract a confession more quickly.
While your ideas are an inspiration to all of us, and MAY come in handy. You might want to look through the freezer and garbage first. Rats can be hard to find this time of year. I am still waiting for Phebe to come clean before I make a call to Sam Diamond. I have a deep seated feeling that MORE than 1 or 2 wives are pulling this off.
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 10:01 PM

When I was in the Landover Mens Club I over heard you saying something about frozen pie crusts. Sorry I was in a rush and could not touch base with you but I had a load of 'perishables' and did not want to get caught 'holding the bag' as it were. Thanks for clearing it up. I suppose I should apologize to Mrs. Hutchins but that would just confuse her more.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 10:04 PM

Hm, you might be on something here. Pies have been suspiciously similar lately.


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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 11:03 PM

Now that you mention it , there is something fishy going on with the pie at my place too. The other night I could swear there were ice crystals in the blueberries. The Mrs. supposedly just made that pie that morning!!.

I'm pretty lenient about most things. The cup cakes don't have to be perfect.
The honey buns can be a little saggy. The sweet rolls can be a little dry.
But darn it my pies have to be fresh, mouth-watering tasty and a lip smacking delight. If my Mrs. is in on this conspiracy you can bet there will be hell to pay!!!


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God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.


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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-03-2010, 11:29 PM

Gentlemen, please don't let my culinary sisters know I have posted here, but a particular item you may want to be on the lookout for as PRE-MADE is strudel of all types.

Strudel crust is made by stretching the dough very thin, to the size of an entire kitchen table (!) It takes 2 people to do it. Then it is spread with shortening, folded up and rolled, chilled, and stretched thin again....several times. All this before it is spread with filling, rolled up, and finally baked.

If a strudel is set before you and you know your wife has not had a friend over to help with the baking, you will know that the strudel is a fake.
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
Gentlemen, please don't let my culinary sisters know I have posted here, but a particular item you may want to be on the lookout for as PRE-MADE is strudel of all types.

Strudel crust is made by stretching the dough very thin, to the size of an entire kitchen table (!) It takes 2 people to do it. Then it is spread with shortening, folded up and rolled, chilled, and stretched thin again....several times. All this before it is spread with filling, rolled up, and finally baked.

If a strudel is set before you and you know your wife has not had a friend over to help with the baking, you will know that the strudel is a fake.
I would never eat "strudel" anyway. It sounds European, and therefore gay.


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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:06 AM

Just as I suspected, pie fraud plain and simple. I wonder just how high it goes? Could a certain Pastors Fiancee be serving false pie? I feel the need to call a private detective, surveillance in required.
Mistress Cookie thank you for being honest with us. I had apple strudel last week and I did not see anyone stretching dough with Phebe. Can these things be purchased frozen too?
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:07 AM

Mrs. Porter pulled this stunt once with a cheap "store-baked" pie from Albertsons. Something just tasted funny and she wouldn't look me in the eye, so I demanded she empty her purse on the kitchen table. Sure enough, there was a store receipt and "Apple Pie - Bakery Item" was the only item purchased. Not only did she waste my money on bus fare to the store, but she paid $6.99 for a foul tasting pie!

Sobbing like a tot, she made excuses that she hadn't felt well that morning and that she couldn't be expected to bake every day. I started unbuckling my belt, but Jesus said "No,no. Not for this my son". As a man of Christ, I reached for the KJV instead and, as always, He guided me to the appropriate verse:

Quote:
"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10 - KJV
In the end she understood and thanked me for only suspending her access to the newspaper crossword puzzle for 6 months.

And her pie has only improved since that day of deception.

Praise Jesus Christ for His solutions to everyday life!


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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:23 AM

Sister Thumper knows better than to try and pass off a store-bought pie on me. Even a frozen pie crust will get her a couple of black eyes and a sore behind for a week.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Sister Thumper knows better than to try and pass off a store-bought pie on me. Even a frozen pie crust will get her a couple of black eyes and a sore behind for a week.
Had any good apple rhubarb pie lately? Have you seen any Rhubarb growing wild during this unusually hot, dry summer?


1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis View Post
Had any good apple rhubarb pie lately? Have you seen any Rhubarb growing wild during this unusually hot, dry summer?
I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Benedict A. Davis Benedict A. Davis is offline
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.
My cousin lives just down the road from there in a small town called Blue Balls and he was telling me all their produce was exceptionally good this year but dealing with the Amish to get it is always difficult.


1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.
Have you witnessed her making a crust? Keep an eye on her. No telling how devious these females can be.
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:52 AM

So ... if the womenfolk are NOT baking pies, what do you suppose they are doing during their pie baking time????

Internets Sexcapades??!!


Nahum 1:2

God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.


If God is Love ... Who created Hell??!!
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 12:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Barnabus View Post
So ... if the womenfolk are NOT baking pies, what do you suppose they are doing during their pie baking time????
Probably a lesbian orgy! (See my post above.)


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 01:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Barnabus View Post
So ... if the womenfolk are NOT baking pies, what do you suppose they are doing during their pie baking time????

Internets Sexcapades??!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Probably a lesbian orgy! (See my post above.)
I do believe we are going to have a close look at time management. Quilting bee yea right!
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 04:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Brothers, I discovered store bought pies in MY home. Brother Seth found frozen pie crust boxes in his trash.
I am speechless to say the least. Have you found any thing abnormal about your wives pies? Are they a little to perfect? Sure Phebe blamed the pies on Helen our house guest. Sister BIG claims that she has not used a frozen crust in 6 months. Brothers are we a pawn in a pie conspiracy? Gentleman check your freezers and trash. This is what I found in my refrigerator, pies from a store And a coupon book hidden in the cupboard.
I have known Widow Helen for years, and I can say with absolute certainty that she would never consider a store-bought pie. Why, the stores don't even HAVE mince meat pies (with real meat)!

And while Helen's pie may occasionally be a bit dry, never has the flakiness of her "au naturel" crust been called into question.


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Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
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Default Re: Pie conspiracy - 10-04-2010, 11:28 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Mistress Cookie thank you for being honest with us. I had apple strudel last week and I did not see anyone stretching dough with Phebe. Can these things be purchased frozen too?
Again, please do not report that I am helping with this investigation, but "Yes", you can buy frozen strudels at the supermarket.

HOWEVER, a super-crafty chef adept in trickery would try to throw you off the track by buying frozen phyllo dough, and then assemble the "strudel" using that dough combined with a homemade filling.

It's only the repeated stretching and pulling and rolling of that particular type of crust that's hard. And it's undoubtedly the first place a wayward wife would try to cut corners.
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