[handmaiden]

Dear sisters, the curse of Eve is upon me. Not at this exact moment, of course, I would never defile these forums with my presence if that were so.

My difficulty is that I am into my fifth decade now and things have become irregular. It seemed forever since my last unclean time, then it arrived again with a bang. My feelings over this are decidedly mixed.

When the visitor does arrive, I feel sadness for the egg that did not fulfill its purpose and go onto to be a soldier for Christ. But I feel hope also because it means that I am still a potential vessel for the Lord's use.

I do not know whether to give Glory to God that I am still a real woman with a worthwhile purpose in that I may still serve as a helpmeet to some man. (Should the Lord decide that I am free to marry.) Or should I pray that this womanstate will pass finally once and for all? I will be freed from the one particular curse, but I will face the remaining years of my life knowing that there is no hope for a child, or reason to serve a husband.

I have also heard that many women become somewhat forceful of personality once their women times have ceased. This concerns me in that I have rededicated my life to the ideal of meek, submissive, Christian womanhood.

If I continue with my curse, I can cherish hope for a child-- every real woman's dearest dream and only reason to exist. But if I pass from childbearing capability completely, I will never be unclean again, nor will I struggle with occasional surges of lustful urges. And yet, I may become domineering in manner.

Truly, I am in need of prayer. What is God's Will for me? I feel so useless at times. I am not a real woman, but I can never aspire to being a man, which has real value. What is an aging handmaiden to do?

Unworthilly Yours,

Handmaiden