[Levi Jones]

This darn Obama depression is affecting our family horribly. Since we moved to Freehold, we haven't been able to sell our beautiful six bedroom house on a 1/10th acre plot in Arizona. The bank is about to foreclose on it. I have already asked the church, but they are feeling the pinch too. Pastor Zeke's Christmas gift is only going to be in the 20 thousand dollar range this year.

It's fortunate that my daughter just turned 13. She needs to be betrothed anyway.

How much do you guys think I could get for her?

She, is of course a virgin. The tokens of virginity will be there on your wedding night when she reaches the age of consent or you can stone her as per Deuteronomy 22:13-21.

She is a decent cook, but lazy about cleaning. It's my wife's fault for that. I'm sure if you have a strong steady hand for keeping her in line, she can be encouraged to get better.

Any serious bids from True Christians will be considered.

You can't make her work out in the field. If you buy her for a wife you have to provide for her for the rest of her natural life, so please don't take this lightly. If you are buying her for your son, please make sure he likes her because otherwise you cannot return her.

Exodus 21:7-10 And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.
If she please not her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he has dealt deceitfully with her.
And if he has betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.
If he takes him another wife; her food, her clothing, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

God Bless,
Levi

[handmaiden]

You waited until she was 13? I discussed this topic with a friend of mine regarding her 10 and 8 year olds. She insisted that they had cost her too much (adoption) to consider selling them.

Is the young lady experiences her menses yet? Perhaps you could harvest her eggs. My friends went through such a hassle with their adoptions, the first one was rescinded. People get less attached when there are only eggs involved.

I am certain that her heritage-- and therefore her eggs-- is completely white, is this not so?


Supportively Yours,

Handmaiden

[James Hutchins]

Having had quite a few daughters, I often get about 30 to 40 shekels for them, sometimes more if they come with work gloves and morals.

Is there a reason no man wants to marry her? Is she deformed from the waist down?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Originally Posted by Levi Jones

This darn Obama depression is affecting our family horribly. Since we moved to Freehold, we haven't been able to sell our beautiful six bedroom house on a 1/10th acre plot in Arizona. The bank is about to foreclose on it. I have already asked the church, but they are feeling the pinch too. Pastor Zeke's Christmas gift is only going to be in the 20 thousand dollar range this year.

It's fortunate that my daughter just turned 13. She needs to be betrothed anyway.

How much do you guys think I could get for her?

She, is of course a virgin. The tokens of virginity will be there on your wedding night or you can stone her as per Deuteronomy 22:20.

She is a decent cook, but lazy about cleaning. It's my wife's fault for that. I'm sure if you have a strong steady hand for keeping her in line, she can be encouraged to get better.

Any serious bids from True Christians™ will be considered.

God Bless,
Levi

Bless you in Christ Pastor!

I will open the bidding at $1000. This may seem low, but she is only 13 and needs so much instruction. Of course, I am a happily married man and only offer my bid to help you keep your primary asset; your home. Female children are of little importance in God's plan as they are as common as kittens at a shelter.

She will be well cared for in the Porter home. Nutrition, Bible learning, aerobic workouts and swimming in our above ground pool.

What is her name? I'm thinking of calling her Emily. Is she well developed and with motor skills and stamina? Able to maintain vigorous routines in fluid repetition? Swimming requires skill.

I am prepared to bid higher if need be.

In Him!

[BelieverInGod]

Although I'm not going to Bid (my boys are still too young) I'm glad to see that there are girls around. I was starting to get worried.

[handmaiden]

Brother Levi, I forget how many daughters you have. It is always wise to keep one virgin daughter around in case you need to toss her to a crowd of would be sodomizers.



Remindingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Danny-Jones]

You could 'rent' her out for a more stable income. Instead of her suitor paying a lump sum, you could ask him to pay you a weekly or monthly fee for the use of your daughter until she reaches a certain age (probably around 18). That will give you time to regain your finances and live comfortably whilst knowing your daughter is with a wealthy, fetching young man.

Good luck! I hope the Lord blesses you with with a fruitful month!

[ExGay Alex]

Dear Levi,

Your financial woes have troubled me and I would like to do my part. As I am sure your daughter will have no trouble finding a new home, I would like to offer the possibility of taking her little brother, Levi Jr. (or "Little Levi" as I call him at my Kiddie Prayer Circle), off your hands if that would help alleviate your money troubles.

Other children visit often, so he would not be bored. In fact, a lot of other "Little Levi's" are often down at my apartment. And while I know he would miss you, I can assure you that the spirit of Jesus touches my home and I have every reason to know that, if your son spent a few nights at my place, he would be touched also.

While I imagine Little Levi is a real handful, I am happy to help out until you get back on your feet.

Yours in Christ,

Alex

[ilovethelord94]

[QUOTE=ExGay Alex;623512]Dear Levi,

Other children visit often, so he would not be bored. In fact, a lot of other "Little Levi's" are often down at my apartment. And while I know he would miss you, I can assure you that the spirit of Jesus touches my home and I have every reason to know that, if your son spent a few nights at my place, he would be touched also.



levi dont do it man. he is gonna rape your son!

[Jepedo]

Originally Posted by Danny-Jones

You could 'rent' her out for a more stable income. Instead of her suitor paying a lump sum, you could ask him to pay you a weekly or monthly fee for the use of your daughter until she reaches a certain age (probably around 18). That will give you time to regain your finances and live comfortably whilst knowing your daughter is with a wealthy, fetching young man.

Good luck! I hope the Lord blesses you with with a fruitful month!

I agree, renting would get more money. How much would you rent her for a weekend?

[handmaiden]

Originally Posted by handmaiden

Brother Levi, I forget how many daughters you have. It is always wise to keep one virgin daughter around in case you need to toss her to a crowd of would be sodomizers.

Please, please forgive me this post. I think that I meant to say "sodomists".


I don't know what I was thinking.





Carefully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Brother Harold Porter]

Pastor Levi,

Am I the winning bidder for Emily? I am eager to get her started in her studies to worship Him and be prepared for her duties to the True Christian™ man that will hopefully want her someday.

Mrs. Porter was at first reluctant, but has come around in welcoming Emily to our Christian home. She will be a fine matron for the younster!

In Christ!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Brother Levi.
As you might remember I lost my wife last year after she was in an auto accident. I have been giving serious consideration to settling in Freehold in the near future and I do believe it might be advantageous to have a wife to take care of my home once I settle in. My issue would be secular laws concerning young brides. I would not like to make any promises until I have my Lawyer check out local laws in Iowa. I know that in Mississippi she could be wed at 13 with parents approval but I would not like to commit to monies and then not be able to honor our contract.
I remember that there was talk of a ''training center'' for young brides through the church, would you remember who was starting that business?
Please give me a bit of time to get these issues resolved and I believe we could both have our needs fulfilled.
YIC
Benedict A. Davis

[Nachodemon]

I would be overjoyed to have this young woman! Has she been trained by professional maids in her housework, and can you give examples of her best dishes? Is there a free trial possibility, she seems very interesting, I'd love to invite her to a private pray session before deciding

Your daughter would be put to good use, and of course be supplied with the best tools for cleaning, the best pots for cooking, and she'd be put on a collar that'd shock her if she left my grounds without permission! Hope to hear back, I'd like to bid high and fill her with god!

[BlessedB]

Pastor Levi,
Have you thought about China? There's a lack of girls there, and a blossoming church culture. The red commies are shaking in their boots, I hear.
B

[PunkAnarchist]

I should surley consider you guys a threat to several communities..
I hope ya churche gets burned down.. rlly hope.. cunts

[Brother Bartemeus]

Pator Levi,
God bless you in this horrible time of dispair. Remember that Jesus will always give you what you want if you pray hard enough. When I read your ad I felt God speaking to me in a way like no other. I'm not saying I saw the holy burning bush (it was a shrub) nonethless, I am prepared to make you a firm offer of $3,500.
Please let me know if I have won, or if I can be of service in anyway.

-Your Brother in Christ our Lord and Savior.

[denmarkrock123]

you are piffleing sick, you cant just sell a human being!? please stop this, dont be blinded by your faith. its allright to be christian, but to lose all of your judgement? you people do more harm than good in this world.
-Ask ejlerskov.

[kabley]

Just wondering... How do you all go around selling people and not get flagged by the FBI?

[Gloria]

Just make sure the little angel wears white to her wedding. You want that new dishwasher to match your refridgerator!!!

In His name,

Chadelicious