[Jedediah]

The Logic:

• The average volume of semen released when a man makes love to his wife is 2.75 mL.
• The average spermchild count in men is 180 million spermchildren per mL.
• Therefore, the average number of precious spermchildren released into the wife during lovemaking is 495,000,000.

• Even if we accept that the Holocaust happened, high-end estimates place the number killed at 11,000,000. The last time I checked, that's a lot less than 495,000,000.
• The supposed victims of the Holocaust included the following:
  • Jews
  • Homosexurals
  • Communists
  • Gypsies
  • Cripples and Retardeds
  • Various ethnics
• What do each of these groups have in common?
  • They all reject Jesus Christ as their personal LORD and Savior. His (temporary) sacrifice means nothing to them.

John 3:18
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

• What do the unborn have in common with one another?
  • Each and every one has a chance to grow up and love Jesus! Every precious spermchild has a chance to become a True Christian™.

Jeremiah 1:4-5
Then the word of the Lord came unto me, saying,
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee;
and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee,
and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

The Facts:

• Even if we assume for the sake of argument that the Holocaust occurred, it basically amounts to 11,000,000 Christ-deniers meeting an early end. They wouldn't have gotten into Heaven anyways.
• Every time a man spills his seed outside of his wife's womb while she is ovulating, he robs 495,000,000 potential Soldiers for Christ of their chance to grow up fearing and obeying the LORD. That is 495,000,000 chances to grow up, life a life of righteousness, and join us True Christians™ in Heaven for all eternity.
  
  • Granted, most would probably ultimately fail to meet the requirements to receive God's unconditional love (Matthew 7:13-14), but out of a half billion, there's sure to be at least a couple thousand who would walk in Jesus' footsteps and seek His face.

The Conclusion:

• Every act of masturbation is a larger affront to God's Kingdom than the Holocaust.

So don't squeeze your tallywhacker unless you want God to squeeze you in the winepress of His wrath!

Revelation 14:19-20
And the angel thrust in his sickle into the earth, and gathered the vine of the earth, and cast it into the great winepress of the wrath of God.
And the winepress was trodden without the city, and blood came out of the winepress, even unto the horse bridles, by the space of a thousand and six hundred furlongs.

[Levi Jones]

Powerful science, brother.

100% proof of intelligent design too. Half a billion precious lives to make sure we get the job done to be fruitful and multiply.

[Elmer G. White]

Dear Brother. This is devastating information and I'm certain all teenage self-abusers reading this are going to stop that vile habit IMMEDIATELY. I also realized that this post was a good motivator for some reflection. It is sometimes good to ponder on past sins that I committed before Jesus saved me and made me a sin-free immaculate True Christian™.

Yes. I did masturbate. And based on your carefully derived data I made some calculations. The results are horrendous. I made a pretty conservative estimate that during my masturbating career I ejaculated in praise of Satan approximately 11 times each week. Could have been a slightly higher number but that does not have a very great effect on the numbers. And this took place day after day, week after week between the ages of 13 and 38. 25 years of mindless self-abuse and sodomy as the hand caressing my tallywhacker was that of a man. It is a sad and disgusting story but it must be remembered. It must be told to warn young teenage youths away from this habit.

Let's calculate. This is basic maths.

25 years x 52 weeks x 11 masturbation sessions x 495 000 000 innocent aspiring soldiers for Christ = 7 078 500 000 000 deaths. 7.0785 trillion souls lost in Hell because of me. I am much worse than the Holocaust.

Let's calculate that one, too. Still basic maths.

495 000 000 / 11 000 000 = 45. I was 45 times worse than Mr. Hitler each time I indulged in self gratification of my flesh. During my career as a sorry sodomist wanker (sorry for the profanity!) this is almost 650 000 times more than the Holocaust.

The holocaust is a drop in the sea of fornicatory murder. The little wigglers are not swimming inside a cooter but in the lake of the Furnace. You might think that it is not too bad for them in Hell, they are so small. How could Satan anally rape them with his tallywhacker of barbed wire and blades? He is devious. He can launch armies of nanobot demons to perform anal rape on my sperm. It is happening as we speak!

This is disgusting and yet it is true. I am hopeless.

End of story.






Or not!

Let's not forget JESUS. I've repented and been baptized (Acts 2:38, Acts 3:19). Jesus has accepted me. But I've had my worries regarding my past sins and the murders of innocent sperm cells

Brethren. I've been studying the parable of the lost sheep lately in more detail. We are all familiar with it.

Luke 15: 4-7

What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found [it], he layeth [it] on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together [his] friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

This means that the serial killer who repents is more precious to Jesus than the "good man" who gives his tithes to charity, prays his prayers and spreads the Good Word on a mission to pagan lands. Even the lowest serial rapist/killer is better than me in the eyes of Jesus.

Or is he?

Remember the calculations. I've murdered more than 7 trillion of my potential children. I am one of the worst serial killers in history. I am worse than the Nazis. And I'VE REPENTED! I AM SIN-FREE (1 John 1:7) AND PURE. I am A LOST SHEEP THAT REPENTETH. I am one of Jesus' favorites! Oh, Bliss. Oh, Glory, oh, SWEET JESUS!

I had my worries. I worried that once at the gates of Heaven I would be welcomed by a lesser angel or by a mere Apostle. Now I know better. I am a lost sheep that is most loved by OUR LORD. Now I know Jesus Himself will be there to welcome me. I'm sure He'll wash my feet that have become dusty after walking over the hoards of dirty sinners that flock at the Pearly Gates before being thrown into the Pit of Furnace.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Brother for showing me this. I can't wait to die and see all this unravel!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer