[Brother John]

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

[Abdul-Khaaliq]

I find this thing for you good Christian fellow.
I have much experience with many many Blonde Blue eyed Christian Lady.
You tell me her phone number, yes?

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Apollyon

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

You might want to go for the direct approach: just stroll up to her and casually ask if she has turned her life over to Jesus and been washed in His blood. But if you're the shy type, that might seem a little forward, so you could try being a little more discreet; maybe you could casually start up a conversation with her, find out if she's free, and ask if she wants to go throw rocks at some Jews or Catholics. If she's up for it, she's almost certainly a Christian, if not, she's not worth bothering about anyway.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by Apollyon

Dear all,

I have an issue I'd like to discuss with you.
Is there a probate way to determine whether or not a girl is a good Christian or not?

Here's the story: there's a girl in my class, whom I've taken a liking to. We get along fairly well, but I haven't had the chance or opportunity to figure out or ask her about her beliefs. I'm fairly shy about asking these kinds of things too, so "just ask" doesn't exactly suffice. Could Landover help me ensure that I choose a good Christian for a good, Christian relationship? She's friendly and caring, all traits of a good Christian woman, but I'd like to make sure.

Thank you all in advance.

I'm concerned that she's still in school. Beyond reading, writing, arithmatic, Bible study, and home economics, what else is there that she needs to know?

[Talitha]

Get her tested out at the Clinic.
Make sure she's able to have at least a dozen little Christian Soldiers for you.
Oh, and make sure she bakes a good Apple Pie.
Can she shoot? A good Christian woman has to be handle at least a Pump-action.
Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Sister Talitha

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

Have you been infected by liberalism or something? If she has ever been to bed with any male, she is clearly not a Christian in any sense of the word. And if she's been to bed with a female, well, that doesn't even bear thinking about.

[Talitha]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

Have you been infected by liberalism or something? If she has ever been to bed with any male, she is clearly not a Christian in any sense of the word. And if she's been to bed with a female, well, that doesn't even bear thinking about.

Apologies Pastor. With all these Atheists and Sand Negras hanging around I'm getting so confused.

[Brother John]

Originally Posted by Sister Talitha

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male? Tainted Women are frowned upon here at Landover.

Now, I wouldn't take a liking to her if I knew that, now would I.
Thank you Brother Temperance, I will surely try asking her that, or something alike depending on the facilities present at or around school.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Son, most worthy True Christians™ females are home schooled.

I'd be looking for a bride at the Landover Baptist Church and not at your secular school.

Beside the only skills she needs are cooking, cleaning, obeying your orders and making new Soliders For Christ.

She doesn't need to learn reading, writing and math. She is a girl for GOD's sake.

With Lve, Sister Thumper

[Brother John]

I know Sister, but there simply aren't many True Christians around where I live, if there are any at all. My best guess is to try and convert someone who seems fit for the cause.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

She doesn't need to learn reading, writing and math. She is a girl for GOD's sake.

I have to disagree with you, Sister. Those of us blessed enough to be able to afford servants need to be kept busy in between Bible lessons from our Godly husbands, and the best way to do that is by reading and studying the Bible. Those who aren't so blessed have to do their grocery shopping themselves, so they should know some basic words and numbers so they have some idea of what they're doing.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Apollyon

I know Sister, but there simply aren't many True Christians around where I live, if there are any at all. My best guess is to try and convert someone who seems fit for the cause.

I'd suggest you take her on a "Bible date". Buy her a copy of the KJV1611 Bible and read some scripture with her. See how she feels about these:


Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 14:34-36
Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

1 Peter 3:1
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

[Brother John]

Huzzah, I've managed to acquire her e-mail address! Now I can probe about her beliefs in a non-suspicious (not that the True Faith is something to conceal) way!

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by Brother John

Huzzah, I've managed to acquire her e-mail address! Now I can probe about her beliefs in a non-suspicious (not that the True Faith is something to conceal) way!

Congratulations!

Just be gentle in your probing, and go slowly. You don't want to bruise her psyche!

[R-R-R]

Originally Posted by Sister Talitha

Has she ever been to bed with a non-white male?

Good thing Brother Temperance posted right after your post, because even I, the unsaved trash, noticed something was fishy there. Goes to show I payed some attention to what's being said around here and I'm making a bit of progress. Of course I cannot hope to be as Godly as the pastors here, but at least I'm facing the direction I need to head in towards Jesus.

[Larry Lee]

Originally Posted by Brother John

Huzzah, I've managed to acquire her e-mail address! Now I can probe about her beliefs in a non-suspicious (not that the True Faith is something to conceal) way!

Very good, you're making progress. I encourage you to follow Brother Knees advice, in general, and Brother Zeke's advice, specifically. Use that e-mail to your advantage and probe her enthusiasm for the scripture Brother Zeke outlined. And Good Luck!

However, I must be frank with you. Many of us are legitimately concerned about this "education" thing she has. We shake our heads and know that "education" is often a synonym for "Godless harlot." and yet .... you, being youthful, you need to learn these things for yourself.

May I offer a suggestion? That lovely, smiling girl, who you're evaluating for her marriage potential, you really need to test her and see if her love for the Lord is strong and pure – or only subterfuge to ensnare a Godly man, such as yourself. The best thing for you to do is to bring her to Sunday Evening Services, and then afterward, take the long way home, down by the reservoir where nobody ever goes. Find a place to park and then hop into the back seat where you know it's nice and dark. Test that girl with everything you've got. If she's like the other "educated" ones who we've seen, you'll soon be just about to groove and naked as the breeze … At which point you'll know she's totally unfit for marriage, but hey – just so long as there's not a light in your eye and then a guy says "Out of the car, long hair!" – Go for it, because if you don't, we'll all think you're a John Edwards.

[R-R-R]

Originally Posted by Larry Lee

you really need to test her and see if her love for the Lord is strong and pure

I do have a question though. In Luke 14:26 we are required to hate our parents, but does this apply to our partners as well? Do husbands need to hate their wives in order to be Jesus' desciple? Because if this is the case, there would be no need to pay attention to a girl's attractiveness and such, but merely her love for the Lord and of course her ability to cook and help bring more True Cristians into the world.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by R-R-R

I do have a question though. In Luke 14:26 we are required to hate our parents, but does this apply to our partners as well? Do husbands need to hate their wives in order to be Jesus' desciple? Because if this is the case, there would be no need to pay attention to a girl's attractiveness and such, but merely her love for the Lord and of course her ability to cook and help bring more True Cristians into the world.

I know of no reason why you shouldn't hate your wife. Jesus tells us to "subjugate" them (1 Peter 3:1), and God has cursed them (Genesis 3:16)for eating that apple and listening to satan (a talking snake at that time). Also it is a well-known fact that women hold men back in many things.

We are commanded to love Jesus above everyone else, so I guess go ahead and hate your wife.

[jalmquist (On Moderation)]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

You might want to go for the direct approach: just stroll up to her and casually ask if she has turned her life over to Jesus and been washed in His blood. But if you're the shy type, that might seem a little forward, so you could try being a little more discreet; maybe you could casually start up a conversation with her, find out if she's free, and ask if she wants to go throw rocks at some Jews or Catholics. If she's up for it, she's almost certainly a Christian, if not, she's not worth bothering about anyway.

, Im using that as my next pickup line at the hookah bar;

Me: "Hey babe, whats your name?"
Girl: "[Insert Name Here]"
Me: "Im James"
Girl: "Hi James"
Me: "So... have you ever been washed by the blood of Christ?"
Girl: "Pause"
Me: "Pause"
Girl: "Pause"
Me: "20$..? My car, 20minutes from now"
Girl: " Thats more like it"
Me: "[Thought] Ahh that one always works"

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by jalmquist

, Im using that as my next pickup line at the hookah bar;

Me: "Hey babe, whats your name?"
Girl: "[Insert Name Here]"
Me: "Im James"
Girl: "Hi James"
Me: "So... have you ever been washed by the blood of Christ?"
Girl: "Pause"
Me: "Pause"
Girl: "Pause"
Me: "20$..? My car, 20minutes from now"
Girl: " Thats more like it"
Me: "[Thought] Ahh that one always works"

Um, that's not likely a Christian girl.

But thanks for advertising to us that you can't get a date without paying. See what a winner you are without Christ?