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Reload this Page CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch time!
MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Talking CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch time! - 07-09-2011, 07:42 AM
Today, my divorce from my fifth wife, Leanne, was finalized. Now, while us Baptists frown on divorce, it is allowed under certain circumstances, like if your soon-to-be-ex-wife is a total and depraved whore.

Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

So Leanne signed an affadavit that she was cheating on me, in exchange for an alimony of $10,000 a month. While some have criticized this as me giving into a greedy whore (or even insinuating that I'm paying her to lie about cheating on me in order to be justified by Biblical law), it's really chump change to me and I don't care. I'd pay $50,000 a month to get that shrew off my back!


Now, I'm celebrating my new-found bachelor freedom by knocking off a special bottle of 25 year old Glenfiddich that I picked up from my vacation in Scotland a couple of months ago. This is a special edition from 1983 so it cost me about a little over $1,000 but I think tonight's a great night for such an auspicious drink.


Right now I have some company over, so I'm gonna go play some billiards with the guys and enjoy this bottle. Keep your eye on this thread for updates as I review this drink!


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 09:07 AM
Oh man, i blew it! LOL. Was up against James Hutchins in pool and I had the lead but I started to get a little uncordinate.d. Ive downed half this bottle arlready and its uh let me look, 53% alcohol per volume. i kind of underestimated this stuff. lol.

anyways im having a great time got the rest of the night to finish this off. My friends went home. Just going to enjoy some time alone and relax.

Im surprised how smoky this whisky is. The palate is also very crisp and bold, I really do like it. So I got half bottle to go will post when im done!


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
My friends went home.
Eh, yes. I thought we put you in your bed to go to sleep before we left?

Are you sure you should be posting while you, ehm, are busy processing your grief?

Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Eh, yes. I thought we put you in your bed to go to sleep before we left?

Are you sure you should be posting while you, ehm, are busy processing your grief?
I got up so hwat youre going to do about it youre not here youre not my boss.....ONLY GOD IS MY BOSS! I ONLY SERVE GODD.

IM done witht heh bottle now. WHOLE BOTTLEO all gone down the pipe wooooopie. I HATE MY EX WIFE SO MUCH I hsould have killed her i swear i couldve cut her breaks or put rit posion in her ucoffee. SHE BROKE MY HEART I SHOULD BREAK HER NECK!!!!!!!

i put so much loe into the relationship and she hdsdt o trat me like this????? KESUS IS THIS A TEST? Am I gootd Christian?????? What is theis to be lie JOB IN THE OLD TESTAMENT...yes rev jim martyr

BOOHOOO SAD PITY SOB STORY. Burn in hell leanae ou duirty whore you wont get my money my money is for me only


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:23 AM
Jus driving home from your house man. Oh yeah? She wasnt a sult, bro! Leanne was jsut never really got you. I mean you just never really got each other. It's so sad becus I have know you both since the old days of 2009.

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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:29 AM
ic alele caled my exwife up on the phone. she was alsleep. she was al :WHY YOU CALLING SO LATE???" i said i am in love with you honey take me back. I wanted her bad right now my heart id hurting. She said "dont call me talk to the kawyer and hung up". SHE REJECTS ME WHEN I PUT M FEELINGS FOR HER ON THE LINE.

LEANNE ISM SO SORRY. I was abad husband. Iw ant to dedicate his song to you. BABY COME BAKC.



I LOVE YOU LEANNE please come back. Im soryr for everything I done.

Also this song to for my sweet honey



MAYBE I DIDNT TREAT YOU LIKE I SHOULD HAVE...maybe i didnt love you lik i could have.

I want nothing more than leann to be by my side and to hold. IM SO LONELEY. Im sorry about all the nights i spent with the girls from the ladies of the lord ministry im sorry for slapping you calling you a whore a slut and im sorry for forgettiting your birthday IM SO SORRY TAKE ME BACK you are the owman for me.

WHY DOES SHE WANT TO HURT ME???? i cant stand the tears and paien and ai pray to the Lord that I find forgivenesssw for the sins ive done. IM SORRY.


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson View Post
Jus driving home from your house man. Oh yeah? She wasnt a sult, bro! Leanne was jsut never really got you. I mean you just never really got each other. It's so sad becus I have know you both since the old days of 2009.

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I WANT YOUT O KNOW I LOVE YOU WILLIAM. I nknow youre best friend forever youre been by my side since the begigning. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. NOT GAY I DONT MEAN THAT WAY. bugt real christian botherly love....PHILADELPHIA.....i have nothing but AGAPE for you. im agape for you.

THANK YOU FOR YOU. I want old ddays to come back......glory days of everythting. God bless your my brother forever.

LOVE FOREVER
Jime


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:34 AM
i fwess Ill come back over before you start breaking thins.

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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 01:24 PM
Thank you Jesus for driving my Porsche back to the Landover Westin. Apparently I dozed off in the elevator door as security helped me from it to my room. I found that rolled up hundred in my pocket and feel a little energized again. Praise Jesus.

Jim, I know divorce can be painful. Loosing a loved one is never easy. As you know, two of my wives have died as have some of my children at one point or another. God wanted you close to that person to get them right with Jesus. But sometimes, even the love of God is not enough to break the hold the Devil has on a mortal person. Sometimes, only in death, when the person goes to St. Peter, can God get the upper hand. Perhaps that is why I am blessed that all my demonized family members have died. I'll pray for you Jim, I'll pray until my knees bleed that your ex-wives die. I know you'd do the same for me. Rest well my friend.

PS: Like I said earlier tonight, I am happy to pray with that friend of mine, the guy from Blackwater Worldwide. He is capable of powerful prayers, discreet of course.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 04:16 PM
Hm, I am not so sure all this should be visible for the general public, perhaps it should be cleaned up. Where is Felicity when you need her! Women, why can you never rely on them.

Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 04:27 PM
I'm going to be in my prayer closet all day today, with a large bottle of aspirins and some of my favorite jap cure-all.

I thought your wife was a whore, but then again I can't remember which one we were talking about, so...

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 04:58 PM
Between you and me, I never liked that bitch. Every time I visited for one of your parties she would always me "what did you bring this time, Nobar?" with that voice like it's not even a question but a statement, and when she rolled her eyes I would think to myself "next time I'm not bringing anything." That happened several times. I wonder if you ever even got that wine that I brought.

May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 06:27 PM
Wow, you guys are all resting? I have never been so fired up in my life. I have been working all morning, walking about. Making notes, multiple phone calls. I have my suite temperature set to 50 degrees but I am still sweating. Even my heart is racing for Jesus!

What was in those Asprins, Jim?

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 08:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Even my heart is racing for Jesus!
You're heart was racing for Jesus last night when you potted 8 balls in a row and sunk the black using one of Jim's hunting rifles! You were really fired up in your praise for the LORD, it was beautiful to watch.

...has anyone checked on Jim?

6
A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-09-2011, 11:24 PM
Is this thread no a little.....em...too much emotionish man's love for each others? I'm no sure is appropriate....I mean....sorry...nothing...forget it.
I'm sure you all are just 'good friends'. My mistake.


Ex JW and quiet, shy, timid girl who wants to be a True Cristian Lady.
My favorite verse from the Bible is:
- A true WITNESSE deliuereth soules: but a deceitfull WITNESSE speaketh lyes.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-10-2011, 01:12 AM
I am still full of God given pep!

I just jogged the entire perimeter fence. Got chased by some of Bobby-Joes boys in one of thier Hummers, managed to out run them for sport. I stopped by the Good Reverends house and pressed the button at the gate but no one answered. I pressed it for like 20 minutes.

Maybe I'll go bowl a few games at Landover Lanes.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-10-2011, 01:17 AM
Guys, I'm sorry I wasn't able to make the car show today. I needed to sleep in. Didn't feel so hot. Although, I'm feeling much better and just glad I have that shrew off my back.

It's rather hard to remember last night. I remember William, James, and Cranky leaving. Then I went on the computer. From there, it was all black.


Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-10-2011, 08:58 PM
I know this is a very difficult time for you, Jim.

But don't lose your faith!

Maybe this story about what happened to my great uncle Hubert will help:

My dad used to tell me about my great uncle Hubert. He started out on the right path.

As a youth he abstained from all sexual activity. He got married married at age 17 as a result of not being able to abstain any longer, and he took GOD's commands to be fruitful and multiply with great seriousness.

He ended up having something like 8 kids until his wife, my great aunt Matilda, just couldn't have any more.

Around that time things started getting rough at home for him.

Everybody knew that if Hubert and Matilda weren't such good Christians they would've gone separate ways to pick up the pieces of their old lives, but they stuck it out for the LORD, and raised all their kids in a loving Christian home.

After all the kids were raised things got even worse, because they had nobody at home but each other, and they really didn't like each other, but they stayed true to GOD's word and never cheated on each other.

One day it finally came crashing down when aunt Matilda burned one of uncle Hubert's favorite shirts with the iron.

He lost all control and started screaming. The neighbors heard it and were all watching from their windows.

They said uncle Hubert's face was a deep purple, and he was stomping around in circles, waving his hands and screaming, "YOU RUINED MY LIFE, GOD! YOU RUINED MY ONLY CHANCE AT LIFE!"

Being good Christian neighbors, they came to chastise uncle Hubert for screaming at GOD like that, but by the time they got organized, uncle Hubert had suffered a fatal heart attack and died right there on the kitchen floor.

Now I am not even sure if aunt Matilda knew if uncle Hubert repented for such a hideous lack of faith right before he died, but I suspect he didn't.

I suspect that GOD personally dislodged that chunk of fat from uncle Hubert's arteries and guided it directly into his heart to kill him for his lack of gratitude for all that GOD and the Bible had done for him.

Anyway, the moral of the story is this: No matter how increasingly bad your life seems to get get from taking the Bible's advice, don't be like my uncle Hubert!

GOD has something much better in store for you in Heaven if you stay true to his commands, and you'll find out that what seemed like the worst possible outcome was actually the greatest possible blessing! (But only if you maintain your devotion.)


The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


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Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-10-2011, 10:12 PM
My phone started ringing at midnight last night.

The calls were coming in from some very expensive joo lawyers wanting to be "first in line" for filing lawsuits related to "certain depravities" the night before.

Is there something I should know about "stiffing the entertainment," "hot tub damages," and "beastiality?"

The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: CELEBRATION! The divorce of my Fifth Wife went thru! Scotch t - 07-10-2011, 11:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
Is there something I should know about "stiffing the entertainment," "hot tub damages," and "beastiality?"
Amazing, this neighbor of Rev. Jim Osborne is almost as annoying as mine. When she visited yesterday I already explained everything to her in a loud voice, repeating the important parts a few times hoping it would sink into her feeble mind. First of all, that hot tub was already damaged. It is just that no one noticed the severe damage before. And we just tried to scare away those dogs with sticks. Them ending up, ehm, where they ended up was pure coincidence. The only reason those annoying dogs are still alive is because I somehow misplaced my gun. I don't get why that woman's husband allows her out of the house anyway.

Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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