[WWJDnow]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Between you and me, I never liked that bitch. Every time I visited for one of your parties she would always me "what did you bring this time, Nobar?" with that voice like it's not even a question but a statement, and when she rolled her eyes I would think to myself "next time I'm not bringing anything." That happened several times. I wonder if you ever even got that wine that I brought.

It is true, Leanne did lack social graces in matters of money, but in some other ways she was extraordinarily well endowed by the Lord. Not that I would ever be tempted by a woman's charms, of course.

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

So Leanne signed an affadavit that she was cheating on me, in exchange for an alimony of $10,000 a month.... it's really chump change to me and I don't care. I'd pay $50,000 a month to get that shrew off my back!

I'm sorry that God's plan included her harlotry, but at least the Lord saw fit to bless the good Reverend with a $40,000 per month bounty over what he would have been willing to pay to rid himself of this whore of Babylon. That's why it's always good to pray every day, not to mention keeping the church books and one's personal financial records completely separate!

Originally Posted by María Gálvez-Villalobos

Is this thread no a little.....em...too much emotionish man's love for each others? I'm no sure is appropriate....I mean....sorry...nothing...forget it.

I'm sure you all are just 'good friends'. My mistake.

I don't quite follow what you mean, but it is good that you have kept in mind that the pastors and True Christians of Landover Baptist Church™ are all devoted to the Word of God. I'm sure that, just as Jesus was fond of having his male disciples, whom he loved, lie their heads across his bosom (John 13:23) in complete innocence, nothing untoward happened here as these Godly men stood tall by their friend to provide Christian comfort in his moment of need.

[James Hutchins]

I still have not slept. I must have the power of Jesus burning through my veins!

I have never been so fired up. Those aspirins I got from the Rev. Osborne's massive medicine cabinet work wonders!
I wonder how long it will take me to walk to NYC from Freehold? I bet I could do it in a day!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Um, James, you're still feeling the effects? And you haven't slept in how many days? Maybe you should check yourself into a hospital, just in case...

[James Hutchins]

Has it been days? Seems like only yesterday.

Perhaps I should go to see someone. It is a fine day for a walk. Mind if I stop by your place on the way wherever I am going?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

A fine day to walk sixteen miles to my house? Look James, I'm having my chauffeur Ernie come pick you up. You know him, or at least your wife does. This time, he won't take an hour to drive a mile. He's going to be on his way to you in a couple of minutes. Just stop by my house, relax with a couple of mint juleps and you can lie down in one of the guest bedrooms. After that, Ernie can take you over to Freehold Medical Center, since I really think you should see a doctor, my good brother.

[James Hutchins]

WellifyouthinksobutIreallyfeelfineanddonotmindthew alk

[WWJDnow]

I really don't think that a doctor is necessary for a True Christian™. Remember, what the Bible tells us:

God says, “I am the Lord who heals you.” Exodus 15:26

“The Lord will remove from you all sickness. . .” Deuteronomy 7:15

And in the thirtyninth year of his reign, Asa became diseased in his feet, and his malady was severe; yet in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians. So Asa rested with his fathers; he died in the forty-first year of his reign.” 2 Chronicles 16:12-13

“I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds.” Jeremiah 30:17

In vain you will use many medicines; You shall not be cured. Jeremiah 46:11

“Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped.” Luke 8:43-44

Anyway, I'm no expert, but this sounds to me like a case of demonic possession.

[WWJDnow]

Upon further reflection, I think our good Brother probably should see a doctor. After all, the Apostle Luke himself was a physician (Colossians 4:14), so surely practicing medicine is no sin, and the Bible supports this assertion:

“A merry heart does good like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

“Son of man, I have broken the arm of Pharaoh king of Egypt; and see, it has not been bandaged for healing, nor a splint put on to bind it, to make it strong enough to hold a sword.” Ezekiel 30:21

“Along the bank of the river, on this side and that, will grow all kinds of trees used for food; their leaves will not wither, and their fruit will not fail. They will bear fruit every month, because their water flows from the sanctuary. Their fruit will be for food, and their leaves for medicine.” Ezekiel 47:12

And, of course, there is the parable of the good Samaritan: "“So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denari, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’” Luke 10:34-35

I still recommend consulting an exorcist, just in case. Luckily we have an excellent exorcist in the Mental Health clinic at the Freehold Medical Center. True, he loses a patient every now and then, but chasing off demons is violent work, and he's never had a patient leave his clinic still in a state of possession. Not one.

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Rev. Jim; Congratulations on a successful divorce. As you may have read my wife has fornicated with so many so called soccer players. I am seriously considering a divorce. At first I thought it was my fault but now I know that she is just a Godless harlot.

The prayer closet has done her no good what-so-ever and she seems to enjoy the beatings. As she has not yet given me a son and because of her licentious morals and ways I think that divorce is my only option.

I'm reminded of Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. And of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 where it is also permitted. So I know that God wants me to divorce her.

What I am unsure of is the legal side of things, I want to have full custody of my daughter to ensure she marries a true Christian suitor and I also want to make sure the witch gets no hold on my small estate. How can I prevent this, any help from your vast experience on divorce would be most wlecome.

[HTannor]

Originally Posted by Liam the ex-drunk

So I know that God wants me to divorce her.

What I am unsure of is the legal side of things, I want to have full custody of my daughter to ensure she marries a true Christian suitor and I also want to make sure the witch gets no hold on my small estate. How can I prevent this, any help from your vast experience on divorce would be most wlecome.

Since you live in Ireland, I predict rough sailing through the legal system. You probably have a 95% chance of getting a Guinness-guzzling judge and besotted Irishmen become very unpredictable.

I can assure you my court would be the ideal venue since I view dimly the antics of whores of the type you married.

By the way, why did you marry her? Be truthful, now. You were on a typical drunken Irish binge, weren't you?

[BukakkuBoy]

Dear Rev. Jim,

This is one of the greatest things to have ever been published on the internet. I can't say how soothing it was to start off reading how much praise you were giving yourself in the Liam divorce. I Thought that when you exchanged vowels, that was supposed to be eternal. I guess you messed that one all up! Whoops!

I believe as I read about maybe 3 or 4 replies later from you, after the wine coolers you were sippin on, you were incredibly depressed and showing signs of lust towards Liam. Isn't that a mortal sin? Rev. Jim, you have fallen far from the grace of God and you have lost the holy spirit.

I just want you to know that I fully enjoy reading this trainwreck of a life you happen to be stumbling through until you burn in hell. May the tramp of Babylon live single without you for the rest of her merry life.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

How does one go about exchanging vowels? It that where we trade regular letters countries like Russia for their backward Cyrillic ones?

Please don't drink and internet!

[BukakkuBoy]

Nooo, it is kind of like when your wife leaves you because all you do is drink all day and are a terrible excuse of a man, and then after praising yourself to make yourself feel better, you start crying over the keyboard because she left you.

I think that is what that means, right?

Also, don't pm me. That makes me feel weird and I will file you for sexual harassment. Those are terms I don't feel comfortable with how you are communicating with me and if you do it again I will report you.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

I'd like to buy a vowel.

Can I have an i?

How about an O?

What moran.

But, there really ARE demonic letters of the alphabet!

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Originally Posted by HTannor

Since you live in Ireland, I predict rough sailing through the legal system. You probably have a 95% chance of getting a Guinness-guzzling judge and besotted Irishmen become very unpredictable.

I can assure you my court would be the ideal venue since I view dimly the antics of whores of the type you married.

By the way, why did you marry her? Be truthful, now. You were on a typical drunken Irish binge, weren't you?

Yes your Honor, I'll be honest, it was a drunken night out in Dublin with some ex-Friends. I met her at a bar and invited her back to my hotel room. The guinness and satan was in me and all sense and morality went out the window. Six months later I got a call telling me that she was with child (I have had paternity tests, and theres no mistaking the sticky out ears as mine).

Not wanting to sire a bastard I immediately arranged a wedding. The local priest did it for £20 ($25). I was thinking that perhaps, as a priest carried out the wedding ceremony then it could be annulled? Since I do not recognise the cathlick church as God's authortity on earth. And the child was conceived outside wedlock, therefore our marriage was never properly consummated.

YIC

Liam (Ex-Drunk)

[JonnaJacobsen]

Jim, just admit it... You had no wife in the first place...

[HTannor]

Originally Posted by Liam the ex-drunk

Yes your Honor, I'll be honest, it was a drunken night out in Dublin with some ex-Friends. I met her at a bar and invited her back to my hotel room. The guinness and satan was in me and all sense and morality went out the window.

Since your divorce action is outside my jurisdiction, I will be unable to give you a directed verdict granting the divorce.

Fortunately, that leaves me able to serve as a co-counsel for you.

In order to fully understand the facts of the case, it will help me greatly if you send me copies of all the pictures you took that night. I am particularly interested in those taken during the sweatiest parts of the evening.

Pre-and post-coital shots would also be of value and could serve as supporting documentation.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by JonnaJacobsen

Jim, just admit it... You had no wife in the first place...

Friend,

I know you are unhappy you can't find a man to marry you but this jealousy is unbecoming.

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Originally Posted by HTannor

Since your divorce action is outside my jurisdiction, I will be unable to give you a directed verdict granting the divorce.

Fortunately, that leaves me able to serve as a co-counsel for you.

In order to fully understand the facts of the case, it will help me greatly if you send me copies of all the pictures you took that night. I am particularly interested in those taken during the sweatiest parts of the evening.

Pre-and post-coital shots would also be of value and could serve as supporting documentation.

Thank you your honor. Your support as co-counsel will be of great benefit to me (who should I make the check payable to)?. I have forwarded the pictures to you.

There is a few of a sheep and a horse in the same room as us, I think someone left the door open and they wandered in without us noticing. At the time I thought it was my ex-friends playing a prank although I do not understand why the sheep had shoes and lipstick on, which I only noticed in the photos afterwards. Nor do I remember them being in the room, but you can still see the harlot behind the horse - I think I may have been drugged.

Check you inbox now

YIC
Liam

[Redeemed Papist]

when you exchanged vowels

I despair at Godless schooling.