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Eagle Menstrasurance - 05-08-2019, 03:43 AM

I am happy to announce the formation of Menstrasurance©, a BrotherLarry Solution. Any woman with a MenstraHut or any man with a vested interest in one should have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that your investment is protected from loss, theft, fire, and vandalism.

Skeptical? Just read what Mrs. LP of New York said: “My prized hut was damaged by Hurricane Andrew just as my monthly curse was starting. My husband had just purchased Menstrasurance so we called the 24 hour customer service line. A friendly agent handled everything that same day and I was back in a new hut that evening. Thank you, Menstrasurance!”

Wow! Sounds too good to be true! But it isn’t! You’re probably thinking “ But can I afford it?” 🤔

Yes. Yes you can. Contact me right away for details.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-08-2019, 06:15 PM

I am gratified that I have received thousands of inquiries regarding this innovative and rock solid insurance plan. I have also had some questions I would like to address here:


1. Are you licensed? ANSWER: While not exactly licensed, I have the mandate from the LORD JESUS to go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creatures. This is all the licensure I need in the eyes of Jesus.


2. What if your company, being new, goes under? Am I then without insurance? ANSWER: Technically, yes. But none of us has a crystal ball so how can you say that will happen? The LORD does not look highly on witchcraft, soothsaying, or divination. We're in HIS hands, not just GOOD hands.


3. May I contact a satisfied customer? ANSWER: I gave you an example above of a satisfied customer's comments. Here's another since you asked:


Brother LP of NYC writes: "I am pleased with Menstrasurance. It is good."


Don't hesitate to contact me now! It's a sin to go even one more day without being protected.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-08-2019, 06:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Skeptical? Just read what Mrs. LP of New York said: “My prized hut was damaged by Hurricane Andrew just as my monthly curse was starting. My husband had just purchased Menstrasurance so we called the 24 hour customer service line. A friendly agent handled everything that same day and I was back in a new hut that evening. Thank you, Menstrasurance!”
Oh my, Brother! I hadn't realized that Hurricane Andrew was so very recent, or that it struck as far north as New York. It must have been terrifying.


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-08-2019, 10:21 PM

I wish I had had this last month when my Menstra-Hut went missing! I still think that Kathy Lee Loudermilk had something to do with it...


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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-09-2019, 02:54 PM

Where do I apply? As a young woman who is nearing 18 ever so closely and will hopefully find a man to fulfill by doing chores for him, this seems like it would be a necessity. If my menstra-hut has cleaning supplies stored inside (should an unfortunate mess happen during the no-no times), does this insurance policy cover those as well?


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-09-2019, 11:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
my Menstra-Hut went missing
That seems higly unlikely. More likely is that your tiny little brain simply forgot where it was. Women's brains are not good at...

What were we talking about?


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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-10-2019, 01:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Where do I apply? As a young woman who is nearing 18 ever so closely and will hopefully find a man to fulfill by doing chores for him, this seems like it would be a necessity. If my menstra-hut has cleaning supplies stored inside (should an unfortunate mess happen during the no-no times), does this insurance policy cover those as well?

You can get cleaning information from any woman on this forum, Max. They can help you deal with issues to keep your hut spic and span. My insurance can't be bothered by your lack of care.


However, I will send one of my reps to speak to your father so he can get you signed up for what it WILL cover, which is explained in the pamphlet the rep will show your dad. Bear in mind that you must pay a sign up fee to see the pamphlet. And, since you're not yet a True Christian™, your coverage is severely limited and I can't personally intervene for you.


BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-10-2019, 03:46 AM

I meant if the cleaning supplies stored inside went missing or got destroyed in an unfortunate accident. I always have cleaning supplies in my menstra-hut so that I am not completely useless when I am in that time of the month and so that my Pa doesn’t stay disappointed at me.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 01:56 AM

You're quite the entrepreneur, Brother Larry! Even with limited coverage, I'd love to talk to a representative about insuring Esther's hut.
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 07:15 AM

Hurricanes, nor'easters, tornados, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, mud slides, wildfire, windstorms, meteor impact, geomagnetic storms, volcano eruptions, avalanches, landslides, lightning, and sink holes - all things not covered by FEMA when it comes to menstra huts. Private True Christian™ insurance is your best hope to protect your investment.


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brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
I am happy to announce the formation of Menstrasurance©, a BrotherLarry Solution. Any woman with a MenstraHut or any man with a vested interest in one should have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that your investment is protected from loss, theft, fire, and vandalism.
Brother Larry, I was wondering what you would do if your investigation of a claim concluded that the damage was caused by an act of God. Would you still pay up?


Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 06:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pim Pendergast View Post
Brother Larry, I was wondering what you would do if your investigation of a claim concluded that the damage was caused by an act of God. Would you still pay up?

Most Respected Brother Pim:


So many things are pending approval of our lawyer, but at this time, an act of God is not covered by Menstrasurance. However, if the insured elects optional Act of God coverage, we will pay the claim up to a limit of $40 per occurrence with a lifetime max of $80. Such a bargain, no?


The claimant has to PROVE the incident was God's will in order to be successful. We think this is only fair because females will do anything to gold dig.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 06:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesH.B View Post
You're quite the entrepreneur, Brother Larry! Even with limited coverage, I'd love to talk to a representative about insuring Esther's hut.

Brother James,


Shouldn't her prospective husband be paying for it? Not trying to pry or anything, but did the most recent one get cold feet too? I'll put an agent in touch with you; understand an agent's fee will apply before any appointment is set. There is also a slight appointment fee that will be charged prior to the meeting. Just call the 900 number I've messaged you about privately. ($9.99 per minute, first 30 seconds free)


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 07:33 PM

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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Brother James,


Shouldn't her prospective husband be paying for it? Not trying to pry or anything, but did the most recent one get cold feet too? I'll put an agent in touch with you; understand an agent's fee will apply before any appointment is set. There is also a slight appointment fee that will be charged prior to the meeting. Just call the 900 number I've messaged you about privately. ($9.99 per minute, first 30 seconds free)
Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, Brother Larry. In response to your question about Luke not paying for it, he offered, but I don't want to jump the gun in case the courtship doesn't work out.
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-11-2019, 07:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
So many things are pending approval of our lawyer, but at this time, an act of God is not covered by Menstrasurance.
My eldest boy Luke was wondering, Brother Larry, about Brother Dr Pendergast's question: isn't it the case that pretty much everything, from pestilence through all the things Brother WJB mentioned to arson, acts of war and much else besides, is ultimately an act of God?
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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
The claimant has to PROVE the incident was God's will in order to be successful. We think this is only fair because females will do anything to gold dig.
If Luke is correct in his thinking, surely it would work the other way around: i.e. there would be an assumption that all events were acts of God unless proved otherwise? This would of course restrict all payouts to zero, unless Act of God coverage applied and the insured could claim (up to) $40 per event.

If you are considering franchising this business, Luke would be interested.


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-12-2019, 05:17 AM

Hi. I was wondering if there's a "whole life" option where for a reduced annual premium paid so-many years' worth up front as a lump sum an enhanced level of cover may be obtained?

Thank you,

ML
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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-12-2019, 05:46 AM

Being an entrepreneur is certainly not a very easy thing. All these questions have me in a tizzy. That said, the answer to the questions from both Joanna and Mitza is No.

It may be so that all things are acts of God but not until my new attorney says so. No one bleeds for their whole life so why should I offer that option? My rates are reasonable so discounts are just not necessary.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Menstrasurance - 05-12-2019, 08:13 AM

Does that mean separate policies are required for each family member using the facility?
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Jesus Re: Menstrasurance - 05-12-2019, 02:41 PM

Eww. You mean some women share their hut with another?

I have spoken to the underwriter and we are having a super-emergency meeting about this after church this morning. Not immediately after because he wants to go for breakfast and such talk spoils the appetite. I cannot predict because that would be sorcery but it is likely separate policies would be more profitable. Are there any more questions? I am reeling here. Why can’t you just buy a policy and be happy with it?

Cheerfully
BrotherLarry


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Amen and Amen
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Eagle Re: Menstrasurance - 05-19-2019, 05:01 PM

I am sorry to inform everyone that Menstrasurance is no longer in business. It just got to be too much of a hassle with all the questions, keeping track of premium payments, legal issues, and my ongoing doctoral studies and ministry to the gaywise. No claims will be honored effective immediately.


Be assured that your nonrefundable payments will go to a good cause.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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