Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper
Reload this Page ARTICLE: Interview with the Exoricst-revrggreen and Justina T
The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Justina Thyme's Avatar
Justina Thyme Justina Thyme is offline
Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™

Saved 1 Year Real American™ True Christian™ Silver Tither True Christian Lady Christian Love Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth

 
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default ARTICLE: Interview with the Exoricst-revrggreen and Justina T - 04-25-2008, 09:11 PM


Interview with the Exorcist: An Evening with
Deliverance Minister Reverend RG Green

by Justina Thyme for
The Freehold Truth and Light


Freehold, IA--The atmosphere was one of total chaos as this reporter walked into the Landover Memorial Exorcism Center in Freehold, Iowa, on a recent balmy Friday evening. In what some might describe as scenes from an old-fashioned mental ward like the one depicted in the classic film The Snake Pit, one man sat vomiting in the corner while another lay beside him convulsed with epileptic seizures. Three large bathtubs stood to the left of the stage with suffering bodies hanging out of them, while yet more bodies littered the floor, writhing and wailing.

But my gaze was immediately diverted by the blood-curdling screams coming from a blond cheerleader. She was heavily pregnant and stood in the center of the room, surrounded by what appeared to be maniacs who were screaming at her at the tops of their lungs. Then a resonant male voice boomed out:

Devil, I COMMAND thee to come forth in the name of JESUS CHRIST! I COMMAND thee to come forth and face Divine judgment for VIOLATING this girl's BODY! SHOW thyself, beast--and prepare to be DESTROYED!"

The Reverend RG Green had entered the room, and he meant business! Armed with only a large silver cross and a King James 1611 Bible, he was ready to wage Spiritual Warfare on any filthy demon that crossed his path. But this would be no ordinary exorcism; this would be one for the record books. No one had ever attempted 100 exorcisms in one evening before!

The demon-riddled cheerleader screamed obscenity after obscenity, but the good Reverend Green was ready. With his trusty Bible in his right hand, he walked up to her and slammed it into her face. It hit her right between the eyes, breaking her nose open as she collapsed onto the floor. The audience erupted into thunderous applause, and shouts of "Praise Jesus!" and “Glory!” filled the air as the poor girl's parents cried tears of joy.

The battle had just begun, and we had a long night ahead of us. But no one had any doubt that he could pull it off.

The practice of Exorcism, also known as Deliverance, is something we normally associate with the false Roman Cattylick Church, but Baptist Exorcist and old-fashioned Southern gentleman Reverend RG Green has been performed over 1,000--that is one thousand--exorcisms in the last year.

Reverend RG Green, who had been flown in on one of Landover’s private Lear jets for these proceedings, is the world’s foremost expert in Baptist Exorcism. He has to date performed over 4,000 successful exorcisms and deprogrammed well over 20,000 Gothic youths.

The Devil is in your bank accounts!” cried Reverend Green much later that evening, after things had settled down and the stage had been restored to its normal pristine, elegant look. “Satan wants you to spend all your filthy money on fornication, whores, violent video games, gambling, drink, drugs and toys for your children that will turn them queer! Don’t let him! Help us free you of your demon-controlled finances!”

Reverend Green plans on opening a School for Demon Exorcism and Youth Deprogramming right here on the Landover Baptist Church Campus. The college will offer two- and four-year degrees in Demon Exorcism and Goth Deprogramming, and advanced studies in Demonology. On this evening, he managed to raise well over $100,000 for that worthy cause. Glory to our Lord and Savior!

This reporter was privileged to catch up with the man himself after the harrowing proceedings to obtain this unique interview:

JT: My goodness, one hundred exorcisms in one session! Isn't that dangerous? What made you go for that?

RGG: Well, it actually wasn’t planned that way. I originally scheduled ten exorcisms. The other ninety demons turned up to try to kill me. Don't worry, my dear; I get that a lot.

JT: How frightening. How did they know you were here?

RGG: Well, that's the thing about demons. They don't need cell phones, fancy wireless technology or the InterWeb to communicate with each other. They can hear each others' evil demon screams from four states away! I imagine these demons heard I was doing the exorcisms and alerted their friends.

The ninety "'extra" possessed kids who turned up were armed with knives, axes, guns, and even a few pipe-bombs, which are a favorite with demon-possessed Goths. Thankfully, security here at Landover is excellent! They were able to contain the situation quickly with tear gas and minimal gunfire. We asked them to aim for the legs and kneecaps only. Zero fatalities, and a good sixty percent of them will probably be able to walk again. Glory!

JT: Glory! Still, casting a hundred demons out on one evening? That's quite a feat, even for a large man like yourself.

RGG: Actually, it was more like five hundred, give or take. See the thing most people don't realize is that most people who are demon-possessed are actually possessed by more than one demon. In fact, the average number of demons one person could be possessed with is four. Many demons can exist harmoniously within one human host, and once in there they sort themselves into a chain of command, reinforcing their hold on the and making the exorcism more difficult to perform.

For instance, take your average queer. I'd say he'd be possessed by at least five or six different demons. There's one demon who makes him believe he's attracted to men, while another may be one that makes him masturbate. Another demon maybe makes him act effeminate, while another may make his hand go limp, and another that makes him talk with a lisp, and another to make his voice all high-pitched like a girl. And all these demons need to be exorcised individually. It's just a case of finding the weakest demon and working your way up the food-chain. The ones at the base protect their master at the top. Weaken the base of their system, and the whole lot come tumbling down.

JT: Amazing, Reverend! So tell me, please, what's the most dangerous exorcism you've ever performed?

RGG: I once exorcised this guy in Denver. He was possessed by well over a hundred demons. That’s what happens when you read Harry Potter! [Laughter] One of them in particular was a demon who called himself ‘Electricity’. During the exorcism a lot of freaky things started happening. First all the lights started turning themselves off and on, then the fire alarms started ringing, then the sprinkler system went off. Before I knew it I was knee-deep in sh--chaos, and three of my audience members had been electrocuted!

JT: Oh, how terrible--you were in danger!

RGG: Don't trouble your sweet head, darlin'. It wasn't anything I hadn't seen before.

JT: All right, but--all right. So: the demon called himself ‘Electricity’?

RGG: Yes. The vast majority of demons are usually quite dim-witted and function at a level comparable to that of human retardeds and have only a few ‘powers’. They usually themselves what they do best, for instance a demon who gives you toothache will call itself "Toothache," while a demon who gives you a headache is probably called '"Headache."

JT: Not very original, are they? Let's get into a bit of background. Exorcism is something normally associated with the Cattylick Church,. What’s the difference between Cattylick and Baptist exorcisms?

RGG: The difference is that Baptist Exorcisms actually WORK! When Mary-worshipers perform exorcisms, they just make you possessed by MORE demons. Remember, Cattylick demons are the worst type of demons! When a priest performs an exorcism, he's actually putting MORE DEMONS IN! THE REAL BAD ONES!

Why do you think Cattylick priests babble in the tongue of Latin, the language of the Devil? Because they are not expelling demons from you, they are summoning more! And what about the ball of incense they swing around their necks? Yes, Incense attracts demons! It’s all part of their Satanic agenda!

You will notice that when those false priests perform exorcisms, they TAKE THE DEMON INTO THEMSELVES! It doesn’t take a fancy degree in brain-science to figure out there’s something wrong there! They should be sending the Demon back to Hell, not EATING IT! When those priests eat the demons, they are effectively Baptizing them into the Cattylicker faith and then putting them back into you! Shocking and unacceptable and fully provable and documented!

That's why we set up the Landover Demon Exorcising Ministry--to show these Mary-worshipers how to do it PROPERLY! I have a one-thousand-percent GUARANTEE that not only can I free you from demons, but THEY WON'T COME BACK--EVER! And you won’t get that kind of guarantee at some fancy VATICAN EXORCIST SCHOOL FOR MARY-WORSHIPING PEDOPHILES!

(At this point, we found it necessary to take a five-minute break in order that Rev Green might get his blood pressure and pulse rate back down to their normal level. When the redness left his face and his eyes receded back into their sockets, we continued.)

JT: I noticed, of course, that there were women as well as men in the group. Why exorcise women if, as is postulated, they have no souls to save?

RGG: That’s like asking why exorcise a dog, and yes, I have performed many exorcisms on pets before. Just look what happened with David Berkowitz, when a demon-possessed dog used its evil mind power to make him kill all those people! If there had been a properly trained exorcist on site to rid that poor dog of demons, none of those terrible murders would have happened.

However, I’ll always do a female exorcism BEFORE a pet exorcism, and even MALE EXORCISMS, and here’s why: There are currently two True Christian® theories concerning the female soul:

First is the "NO-SOUL Theory." NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that God gave women a soul. While the Bible teaches that God created Man and gave him an immortal soul, nowhere does it mention that God gave dogs, pigs, sheep, donkeys, OR WOMEN souls!

The other is the "1/350 th OF A SOUL Theory." The latest research suggests that women may indeed have a soul of sorts, though this would be a fraction of a soul compared to the complete soul of a man. Creation Scientists in our Church have been looking into this possibility for some time now.

Remember: Adam was given a soul, and then God tore out one of his ribs and created Eve. Given this fact, would it have been possible that a part of Adam's soul was in that rib which made Eve? And if so, wouldn't women have a bit of that soul? There are three hundred and fifty bones in the human body when we are born. Eve was created with one rib. Therefore, would it be reasonable to say there is a SLIM possibility that a women would have that iota of a soul? Yes. Though most of us seriously doubt that God would damage part of Adam's soul by giving a tiny bit of it to Eve, we must accept that it's a possibility. This would also correlate perfectly with our own True Christian doctrine, taken from Scripture, that says that Woman's role is that of helpmeet to Man; you see, without a man, a woman's small fraction of a soul is null and void. To put this into terms you little ladies can understand, dear, Eve's little portion of a soul would be like having, say, a piece of unbuttered bread with the crust cut off instead of the seven-course banquet that God bestowed upon Adam. (Laughter)

BECAUSE of this possibility we make women’s exorcisms a PRIORITY. Because if they do indeed have such a tiny part of a soul, it would be easier from them to lose it! (Laughter)

JT: Well, Reverend Green, it has been quite a pleasure speaking with you. I'm really looking forward to seeing you again at Mrs. Bowers' gala for you tomorrow night.

RGG: The pleasure was all mine, I assure you, Miss Justina. I look forward to, uh, speaking with you again at Mrs. Bowers' home as well. Perhaps we might continue our discussion off the record.

JT: That would be lovely!

The Reverend RG Green will be staying at the Sands Over Landover Hotel and Casino for the next two nights, courtesy of Mrs. Betty Bowers. Any inquiries regarding exorcisms/deliverance needs may be addressed to him there. Additionally, anyone requiring an Application for Exorcism form may obtain one from from the Reverend Green or from myself, in care of this publication.
GLORY!


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved