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Default You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-03-2013, 03:34 AM

PUBLIC NOTICE:

Freehold's High School's football team, the She-Bears, is hiring a new person to be inside the She-Bear mascot costume and work the sidelines at football games. The She-Bear is about seven feet high, heavy and very hot inside.

The She-Bear's job is getting the crowd into the game through enthusiastic pantomime. This includes holding up a cross, pointing to the sky when something good happens to our She-Bear team or bad happens to the opposing team (injuries) and assuming a prayer-like pose before point-after kicks.

Please send resumes to:

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
City Hall
Freehold, IA 50322


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-03-2013, 03:44 AM

Hello Mayor Johny Joe Hold.

I did not know what you were talking about I do not live in Freehold so I told the colored girl who works for me she smells like coconuts that the mascot for Freehold High was a she-bear and she laughed and said Oh daddy dey are talking about the bears dat ate dem kids and then she got her Bible and showed me 2 Kings 2:23-24 it says:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I am not her daddy she eats raccoons.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I marked it because there is a bald man who lives next to me it might come in handy.


Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-03-2013, 04:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
PUBLIC NOTICE:

Freehold's High School's football team, the She-Bears, is hiring a new person to be inside the She-Bear mascot costume and work the sidelines at football games. The She-Bear is about seven feet high, heavy and very hot inside.

The She-Bear's job is getting the crowd into the game through enthusiastic pantomime. This includes holding up a cross, pointing to the sky when something good happens to our She-Bear team or bad happens to the opposing team (injuries) and assuming a prayer-like pose before point-after kicks.

Please send resumes to:

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
City Hall
Freehold, IA 50322
Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment. I realize this is likely part time, but that's fine with me. I do have a few questions about the job, if I may:

1. Is housing included? If so, is the housing near Pastor Zeke (the young, cute, virile, chiseled, muscular, manly, handsome one)?

2. Do any of Freehold's elite attend the games?

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-04-2013, 01:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Russell Holbeck View Post
Hello Mayor Johny Joe Hold.

I did not know what you were talking about I do not live in Freehold so I told the colored girl who works for me she smells like coconuts that the mascot for Freehold High was a she-bear and she laughed and said Oh daddy dey are talking about the bears dat ate dem kids and then she got her Bible and showed me 2 Kings 2:23-24 it says:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I am not her daddy she eats raccoons.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I marked it because there is a bald man who lives next to me it might come in handy.
Thank you, Rusty, for explaing the Holy Scripture's reference to she bears. Were it not for the heroic she bears, our country would be run by unruly children.

That is why the she bear was chosen as mascot at Freehold Public High School.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-04-2013, 02:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment.

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry
Larry--I'm really rushed just now with applications coming in and can only answer a couple of your questions. On 3.), knowing Governor Branstad will not help you. He is a RINO and is not welcome in Freehold.

About 4.), did you not know Girl Scouts are liberal harlots and their marijuana-laced cookies are not allowed in Freehold's City Hall?


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-04-2013, 10:23 AM

Even a retard knows what's in the Bible better than false Christians. From the mouths of children...

You're a good boy, Russel.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 03:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
Your Honor Mr. Mayor,

As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment. I realize this is likely part time, but that's fine with me. I do have a few questions about the job, if I may:

1. Is housing included? If so, is the housing near Pastor Zeke (the young, cute, virile, chiseled, muscular, manly, handsome one)?

2. Do any of Freehold's elite attend the games?

3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)

4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?

I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.

Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry
Let me be crystal clear: You are not welcome to move or even visit our private, gated Christian community. Unsaved NOT Welcome. No amount of cookies can change that.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 08:47 AM

I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 12:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment.
Our newspaper only places personal ads of residents of Freehold. Only True Christians™ are allowed in Freehold. We have the habit of using guns for unwanted visitors.

So please focus your efforts on pleasing Jesus. The King James Holy Bible is your best friend for this. (Deuteronomy 4:2, Revelation 22:18-19, Psalm 12:6-7)


5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 12:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.
Hello Mitza Lizalor.

I was using the Google to see if I could answer some of your questions and without going in to detail please do not do an image search on erect bear it means something entirely different than what I was searching for.

Thank you.

Rusty


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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 01:24 PM

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Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
I was just thinking, if the mascot is 7’ tall and bear shaped, there would be room inside for 2 persons. That would make it much easier to walk it around and there would be more energy available for bouncing and cheering when goals were scored or whatever happens (I am not familiar with the game). And leaping.

Does the mascot go on all fours, or stand erect throughout the game? You could arrange the occupants similar to a pantomime horse if the former, or perhaps have one in each leg if the latter. Or change positions from time to time. I hope that is a useful suggestion.
Has Sister Mitza's account been hacked by some sort of pervert? Think of the danger of such physical proximity, what with the excitement of the game.


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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 02:22 PM

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Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post

or stand erect throughout the game?
Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-05-2013, 10:29 PM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.
Thank you Mr Hold. I have taken Mr Holbeck's advice and not wasted bandwidth on a search, I know what a gorilla suit is like so a bear would be pretty similar I suppose. However, although I would be very happy to assist with the mascot I don't think I could manage a 7’ she bear by myself. Also I don't know anything about the game so I'd need an assistant to instruct me what to do—like, I wouldn't know the object of the game and I doubt it's like our local variant (I don't know much about that either)—but if no-one else comes forward ..well, I'd do my best if a position were found for me.
And try not to talk too much.
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-06-2013, 02:11 AM

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Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Thank you Mr Hold. I have taken Mr Holbeck's advice and not wasted bandwidth on a search, I know what a gorilla suit is like so a bear would be pretty similar I suppose. However, although I would be very happy to assist with the mascot I don't think I could manage a 7’ she bear by myself. Also I don't know anything about the game so I'd need an assistant to instruct me what to do—like, I wouldn't know the object of the game and I doubt it's like our local variant (I don't know much about that either)—but if no-one else comes forward ..well, I'd do my best if a position were found for me.
And try not to talk too much.
Thank you for your offer to help, Sister Mitza. It may be we will need you to be inside the she bear.

Don't worry about understanding football. I can have someone hold up color-coded cards. Blue, pray. Red, hold up cross, Green, point to God.


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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-06-2013, 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Just to clarify. She bears in the Bible stood upright. We know this because the tore apart the 42 children who sinned. This required both paws being used at the same time and sharp teeth.

At Freehold High football games the she bear needs to hold up the cross and assume a knealing postion several times during each game. Thus, it must stand upright just like the ones in the Bible.
I assume that she bear mascot is allowed to charge on the field and tear apart any player who tries to perform any anti-Christian propaganda such as hail Mary pass?
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Default Re: You Could Be the Next Freehold She-Bears Mascot. - 09-06-2013, 02:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
I assume that she bear mascot is allowed to charge on the field and tear apart any player who tries to perform any anti-Christian propaganda such as hail Mary pass?
Given what the Bible says, that is a logical question, Brother Alban. I need to clarify the She Bear mascot does not actually do such a thing.

Our team, Freehold She Bears, will be trained to "take it to" players they do not think are adequately in the faith--including quarterbacks who try Hail Mary's.

I tried to explain this in the job description--She Bear will point to heaven when an opposing player is injured.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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