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Reload this Page Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory
Creation Science The origins of life and the earth from a creationist (Biblical) perspective.

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Default Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-11-2008, 08:41 PM

I know from the letters and emails we get here at Landover that many of you are interested in the Creation Science Laboratories we have here. I hear you ask, “What would Landover want with laboratories? Are they not used by evil scientists who wish to thwart the Curses of God without Salvation or Prayer? Are they not hives of the Devil himself?” (Yes, yes, enough questions, I get the picture.)

No, here we go in for Biblical Science (BS) so called to distinguish it from So-Called Science (SCS)
Let me tell you of some of the exiting things that we are doing:
  • Did God put things in a cat that it doesn’t need?
Here we took pieces out of a cat, reviving it each time, and observed whether it died or not. When it died we concluded that the piece last taken out was essential. (I must say that there really are a lot of things a cat can live without but that doesn’t mean that God put them there for fun – we must examine each piece to see if it is mentioned in The Bible – you have no idea how long “entrails” are!)
  • Is the fur on rabbits’ ears essential?
Here you see a rabbit with its ears singed by a blow-torch. The rabbit could still hear people coming towards it, so, it probably doesn’t need the fur. This was an exciting find because it meant that animals don’t need fur, so fur coats are OK. (Ge:3:21: Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them. – so there was probably fur attached)
  • Ex:11:7: But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. Well, will a dog move its tongue against Israel? And if so, how?
Well, we put a joo in the room with the dog and, in this state, the dog did not bark! Praise! We now know a little more about the muscles in the throat and tongue – but it’s all a bit messy and so we’ll have to do this again with more paper towels!
  • Do animals have a soul, however tiny?
Here is a monkey that is helping us discover whether it has a soul. The experiment involved cutting off pieces of its brain, carefully weighing them and then cutting a bit more off. The weight of the monkey was monitored at all times. This experiment was not a great success because the infernal monkey kept jumping about as this was being done.


Well, I hope this has given you a taste for Biblical Science. And don’t forget, Landover needs to build a new vivisection laboratory – so keep those donations flowing in!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 05-24-2008 at 09:08 PM.
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-11-2008, 11:05 PM

This is so exciting! I've always had a disdain for secular "science," but now I see that TRUE science is Biblical, educational, and a testament to God's genius in His creation of life.

Glory!
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 12:12 AM

The homersexural mice experiments excite me the most. Praise Jesus, we may be on the verge of a breakthrough!

Our Landover Creation Scientists have nearly figured out a way of making some queer mice bite off the tallywacker of other queer mice! If we can perfect this technique, it could reduce the sodomite mouse population immeasurably! Glory!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 02:54 AM

It is very gratifying indeed to see the great advances of Creation Science at Landover University, and how you follow the most rigorous scientific procedures in order to assure an unbiased result in every experiment, Praise! I imagine the monkey's experiment is in preparation of what we will do to finally test if women have a soul, right, Brother? Please inform me of your results on that matter, I am greatly interested...


Bringing Geology back to Christ!

I believe Dr. Hovind to be completely innocent of the alleged crime of "tax evasion", and furthermore believe Hovind's 10 year sentence to be patently unjust and based upon an effort to silence his ministry.
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
No, here we go in for Biblical Science (BS)...
Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.


I would like you to meet my imaginary friend, God.

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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 07:20 PM

We're sorry to hear that. We do everything we can to help spread the word of Jesus and show people the righteous way. You time here has been short, but you need to study and learn to love Him. Not everyone can expect it to happen instantly. You must have patience. With patience comes understanding.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 10:24 PM

Brother Bathfire, the downRight sinfulness of the animals you've shown makes me puke. Not one, $ave the DoG, is smiling
and Grateful to be receiving of so much of Man's attention.

In Godly Tennessee, animals (pigs in particular) are happy and participate in the process of becoming Snacks for we True Christians!

The Evidence doesn't lie! Behold!:



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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 10:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LingBlingDingDong View Post
Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.
Ge:1:26: And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

The Lord gave us the animals that we might live well. What better use than to put them towards better ways of praising Him and understanding His ways? And just look at those happy Pigs in Sister SUV's post, the Lord is generous!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 10:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Brother Bathfire, the downRight sinfulness of the animals you've shown makes me puke. Not one, $ave the DoG, is smiling
and Grateful to be receiving of so much of Man's attention.

In Godly Tennessee, animals (pigs in particular) are happy and participate in the process of becoming Snacks for we True Christians!

The Evidence doesn't lie! Behold!:


I have to say, this one looks like it could be an early front-runner for the 2008 Landover Allah/MooHamMad cartoon contest.

In other news, I had a bunch of these stickers printed off. They're just great for covering up PETA bumper stickers, Praise Jesus:
Name:  feel-good-about-meat.gif
Views: 197
Size:  6.0 KB


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 10:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LingBlingDingDong View Post

Am I the only one seeing the humor in this irony?

That's beside the point, if this is what you do with the tithes given to you from these misconstrued member of this forum, then I have been more repelled from Jesus now than I ever have.
We use our tithe money to fund GODLY projects we know Jesus would approve of!

After all, it's Jesus' money and it's what Jesus wants that counts! What's the matter with you anyway, Ding Dong?


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 11:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I had a bunch of these stickers printed off. They're just great for covering up PETA bumper stickers, Praise Jesus:Attachment 4257
Great, Brother Temperance! That's exactly what I need to balance out the sticker I have on the other side of the SUV bumper:

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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-12-2008, 11:55 PM

This is indeed Godly work. I have been doing my own experiments. I am sure that the mechanism of Demon possession can be proved by vivisection.

Here's the bare-bones of the thesis:

When Satan inhabits a host (small animal) to be a witch's familar, this process happens on the microscopic level. Basically, Satan leaves his mark on a cell or a organ. These are typical Satanic symbols, things like the number 666, an inverted pentagram or a goats heard.

And they had the audacity to throw me out of the university and call me crazy




Exodus 22:18
says, "Suffer not a witch to live." Deuteronomy 18:10 says, "There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch."
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-13-2008, 03:06 AM

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Originally Posted by Herr_Doktor View Post
This is indeed Godly work. I have been doing my own experiments. I am sure that the mechanism of Demon possession can be proved by vivisection.

Here's the bare-bones of the thesis:

When Satan inhabits a host (small animal) to be a witch's familar, this process happens on the microscopic level. Basically, Satan leaves his mark on a cell or a organ. These are typical Satanic symbols, things like the number 666, an inverted pentagram or a goats heard.

And they had the audacity to throw me out of the university and call me crazy
Oh, that just reminds me of the new movie Expelled! When will they stop prosecuting Christian Scientists and new ideas? Say, how many small animals participated in the experiment, of what species? Remember, anything less than 30 is not statistically representative .


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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-13-2008, 06:26 AM

Alot of imbecile secularist who lobby for the rights of animals who do not even have souls, much feelings of sadness or pain, ignore the benefits such research provides to the human populace. If not for animal testings we would be forced to preform untested procedures on human beings.

Matthew 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
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This feline's eye was removed in one of our first studies aimed at removing the sickness of homosexuality. This particular experiment failed to remove the homosexual lust from this feline and it was humping same sex felines within a week of the operation. Wouldn't it have been a shame if we removed a human being's eye just to discover that the bible verse in question did not apply to the dedemonization of homosexuals?

The Homosexual Reparative Ward has long suspected that the demonic infection responsible for homosexuality is located within the anus. These demons influence the minds of queers, but ultimately it is the choice of the faggot in question to give in to the demon and begin the cycle of sin. We simple want to make the godly choice easier for them. 38 homosexual canines, felines, and mice were experimented on in a study to discover the biological organ serving as a nesting ground of said demons and remove them, thus curing the effected human of demon induced homosexual lust. In the experiments we have reached a 37% cure rate among animals operated on and began human surgeries back in January.

The Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward performed a delicate surgical procedure on an Ex-Gay Ministry selectee to whom the program was not helping.

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After an expedient 6 hour surgery the patient reported zero desire to be on the receiving or delivering side of any homosexual practice. Score one for the brave animals you sacrifice daily for the benefit of human beings.

With the success of this new procedure we are now performing this operation on infants who show a homosexual disposition. Babies who tend to poke their butts up into the air alot, favor objects with colors found in a rainbow, play with dolls instead of action figure, etc.

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This pre-opt infant, being readied for an operation, will never have to worry about being infested with demons again. PRAISE JESUS!!!
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-13-2008, 11:07 AM

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Originally Posted by Remy Lebeau View Post
[...]The Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward performed a delicate surgical procedure on an Ex-Gay Ministry selectee to whom the program was not helping.

After an expedient 6 hour surgery the patient reported zero desire to be on the receiving or delivering side of any homosexual practice. Score one for the brave animals you sacrifice daily for the benefit of human beings.

With the success of this new procedure we are now performing this operation on infants who show a homosexual disposition. Babies who tend to poke their butts up into the air alot, favor objects with colors found in a rainbow, play with dolls instead of action figure, etc.
[...]
Praise! Brother Remy, this is the sort of operation I would very much like to tinker around with. Although I've never operated on a human being (I suppose that anesthetics are required?) I'm sure the Good Lord would guide my hands.





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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-14-2008, 07:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Praise! Brother Remy, this is the sort of operation I would very much like to tinker around with. Although I've never operated on a human being (I suppose that anesthetics are required?) I'm sure the Good Lord would guide my hands.
Brother Bathfire, do you not feel it worthwhile to repeatedly practice these procedures Brother Remy has noted first on animals, to be sure you're completing them correctly, before moving on to Negroes and finally potential Christians?

After all, if you pick the right animals for your practice, the failed experiments can be donated to a local food bank.


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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-15-2008, 10:32 AM

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Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
Brother Bathfire, do you not feel it worthwhile to repeatedly practice these procedures Brother Remy has noted first on animals, to be sure you're completing them correctly, before moving on to Negroes and finally potential Christians?
Well, you have a point but God has seen fit to grant us intelligence and most things can be picked up within a few moments. Such thoughts as yours are not uncommon, but that it because so-called scientists purposely put big words into their textbooks – this is nothing more than keeping their little Masonic club together by making it hard for others to learn science. (Having said that, it’s probably a good thing, otherwise people would too easily become so-called scientists and we’d be up to our knees in them.)

Quote:
After all, if you pick the right animals for your practice, the failed experiments can be donated to a local food bank.
Well that’s a fine idea Sister JennyD! We usually throw the sick and ailing animals into a dumpster that is emptied about once a week. The local food bank would certainly benefit by all this meat. I would expect a donation from them for the running to and fro delivering the creatures and we’d probably incur expenses in ensuring they were all dead before disposing of them, but Yes, I’ll make the ‘phone call.

Many thanks.





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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-15-2008, 12:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Praise! Brother Remy, this is the sort of operation I would very much like to tinker around with. Although I've never operated on a human being (I suppose that anesthetics are required?) I'm sure the Good Lord would guide my hands.
I think you will find anesthetics are mostly not required, you just got to be quick. The trick is to get it done in under two minutes.




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says, "Suffer not a witch to live." Deuteronomy 18:10 says, "There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch."
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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-15-2008, 12:24 PM

Even for this site, this is a sick joke.


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Default Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory - 04-15-2008, 12:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Dances without Joy View Post
Even for this site, this is a sick joke.
This, madam, is Godly work. I can see no objection and will brook no ill-tempered comments from ignorant heathens.





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Author of such illuminating essays as,
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