Well, I'm happy to give Trump credit, since we're planning to put him in the White House (as our corporate representative), and re-inventing him as a "war hero" should make it that much easier to rig the 2012 election. Although voter scrub lists and Diebold voting machines can work wonders, it's better if we can convince the idiot public that elections really matter.
Anyway...though I don't like to brag, since we're all good Christian friends here, I guess it's OK for me to tell me about my own company's role in snuffing Osama.
The simple fact is, bin Laden wasn't paying his bills. I didn't mind giving him a line of credit (in fact, I got Visa to issue him a Platinum card), just as long as he made payments at 33% compounded interest. He was a good customer - only them African dictators bought more AK-47s, land mines and plastic explosives than bin Laden. But once Osama stopped paying and told our collection agency to piss off, it was time to pull the trigger.
The problem with the Africans is that they paid us with blood diamonds. That was fine for awhile...however, the more diamonds that flooded the market, the lower the price dropped. Eventually, the spear-chuckers in Sierra Leone and Libera ran out of cash, so we cut them off. With bin Laden, it was similar - as long as he kept the opium poppies flowing to market, we were happy to supply the weapons and ammo. But over-supply caused heroin prices to drop, and once Osama started signing IOUs to pay his other IOUs, it was just like them subprime mortgages we gave to poor folks. For awhile, we turned some of those bin Laden weapon loans into AAA-rated Collateralized Debt Obligations and sold them to state pension funds, but you can only keep a Ponzi scheme running for so long. When it collapsed, it was time to "foreclose" on Osama.
Our satisfied customers in Africa
Since I knew just when we were gonna take out bin Laden, I shorted the oil market the day before, knowing that this would drive the price down. Of course, it was only a small percentage drop, but I leveraged heavily with money borrowed from the US Federal Reserve, so my profits were 10-times my investment!
This just goes to show, free market capitalism is the best economic system ever! Especially when it's subsidized by the government.
Muslims: A market with unlimited growth potential!