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Reload this Page 2015 Hell House!
HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday.

 
 
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Default 2015 Hell House! - 10-22-2015, 04:12 AM

I'll admit it. I'm simply flabbergasted and gobsmacked.

I did not think there was any way possible to top last year's Southern Baptist Conference Fire and Brimstone Award™ winning Landover Baptist Church® Hell House, but our pastors and deacons have really gone the extra mile this year.

By special arrangement with the Devil himself, we are the 2015 exclusive USA redistribution partners for the 2015 Hell-o-ween Bash held right in Satan's court in downtown Hell. I guess the Prince of Darkness likes our money more than he hates the work we do to hold back the tide of Satanic initiatives such as gay "rights" and atheism and Catholicism and Obamacare.

So forget actors, forget pretending, forget everything you thought you knew about Hell! We will be bringing the full horror of eternal damnation live to you right here in historic Freehold, Iowa on the Landover Tabernacle® 32 story-tall IMAX™ dome. You'll see sinners screaming in agony, crying out in vain to Jesus to save them from the unbearable and never-ending torture. That's right--murderers, rapists, Sodomites, masturbators, adulterers, witches, divorcees, disobedient wives, even Jews--all of the worst sinners will be represented, roasting on spits in complete anguish as the demons snack away at their burned and bloated carcasses.

We guarantee that your children will behave themselves for a loooooong time after witnessing this event!

The admission price of just $250 per person ($2,500 for gold-circle of Hell tickets, which include a meet-and-greet with Pastor Deacon Fred after the show) includes free candy and beverages. 10% discount if you come dressed as one of Jesus's apostles.

It's going to be one Hell of a show.


Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Default Re: 2015 Hell House! - 10-22-2015, 08:51 PM

A man makes his own heaven or hell here on Earth. It could be anywhere but paradise is in Africa. The center of paradise is Abyssinia.


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: 2015 Hell House! - 10-22-2015, 09:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
Butt paradise is in Africa
Young Niggero woman. Yes, Africa is Butt Paradise. Home of the ever thriving aids.


Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


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Scared Re: 2015 Hell House! - 10-23-2015, 07:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
A man makes his own heaven or hell here on Earth. It could be anywhere but paradise is in Africa. The center of paradise is Abyssinia.
Oh, I LOVE it! This darkie must be part of the show, Brother BAW! Watch out! Don't let him get your bicycle! Hold onto your daughter! How WONDERFUL! I bet he'll be talking throughout the entire IMAX film after showing up late!


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Default Re: 2015 Hell House! - 10-23-2015, 08:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Youth Minister Harry View Post
Oh, I LOVE it! This darkie must be part of the show, Brother BAW! Watch out! Don't let him get your bicycle! Hold onto your daughter! How WONDERFUL! I bet he'll be talking throughout the entire IMAX film after showing up late!

I had never thought of that, for that I would buy a first class ticket to Freehold for! praise Jesus!


Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


 

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