[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Greetings Brothers and Sisters

I've noticed we don't have very many threads about cranky babies so I decided to start one and offer my own advice.

TIP

When your baby is crying in church, the best way to shut them up is to drag them out of the Church like so:

I know I used to do it with my own little Tater and believe you me, he knew when to shut his yap after that.

Please post your tips here!

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I always thought that you're just supposed to slap the hell out of them when they cry.

That's what my parents did, and I came out just fine.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

I've noticed we don't have very many threads about cranky babies so I decided to start one and offer my own advice.

You have to break them, like any wild thing. One good way is to put the baby's face under running water. It'll fight and cry, but you have to be strong and keep at it. It might take a few hours, but eventually the baby will be too exhausted to fight and cry any more.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Glendora Christianson]

We had a gal who was afraid to administer corporal punishment to her "preemie" baby. Until I had a bright idea: Use a fly swatter! That way you don't have to worry about problems with our secular government taking your baby away and giving it to a lexbean couple.

[Chezund Rice]

Don't know what to do about girls, but I have yet to see a boy that didn't shut up with a breast in his mouth.
It's get'in volunteers that's the problem.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Chezund Rice

Don't know what to do about girls, but I have yet to see a boy that didn't shut up with a breast in his mouth.
It's get'in volunteers that's the problem.

Friend, our church teaches that breastfeeding is a gateway sin, promoting incest and homersexuralism all in one fell swoop. You might want to take a look at THIS, and re-think your thoughts.

[Chezund Rice]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Friend, our church teaches that breastfeeding is a gateway sin, promoting incest and homersexuralism all in one fell swoop. You might want to take a look at THIS, and re-think your thoughts.

Thank you Pastor! That surely opened my eyes.

"Our study also concludes that breastfeeding leads to sloppy kissing, drooling, teat fetishes, and cattle buggery."

Sure explains alot about these here small Nebraska towns. My only experience being in a Methodist church and all, sure explains alot about them folks too.
Thanks for your guidance.

Maybe the next time the wife takes me to church, I should bring along some duct tape. The simple ideas are usually the best.

[Hitoshi]

here is cranky baby I am alway have problem with



he make quite a fuss but if I am give him his wubby (stuff animal bunny rabbit) and warm milk from baba (bottle) he most of time is fall right asleep.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Let's not forget Baby Cage. Keep them out of harms way and out of your hair.

http://www.babycage.net/index.php

P/S: These things are wonderful! I also use them to keep my feeble, elderly Grammy in so she doesn't wander around the house wetting herself and breaking things.

[SUV]

It was a sad day for Mothers when paregoric, a nice "tincture of opium" fell out of favor

However, not only has it produced the drug-addled "Children" of the un$avED world today, but drug use is SIN.

Except for a few Certain, select Christian personages:

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

That's a waste of space. You could easily fit five kids in there, which is the minimum number of children a True Christian™ woman should have. Also when you have two or more they typically start fighting, and then you have a cage match, which is extremely entertaining.

[Marshall]

You filthy dink sinner!
You have no reason to post in this area because gays can't reproduce and will never know the joy of beating Jesus into thier own children!

You need to get more Jesus and less fish heads inside you.

[Hitoshi]

Originally Posted by Marshall

You filthy dink sinner!
You have no reason to post in this area because gays can't reproduce and will never know the joy of beating Jesus into thier own children!

You need to get more Jesus and less fish heads inside you.

shhhhh

[Curious Agnostic]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I always thought that you're just supposed to slap the hell out of them when they cry.

That's what my parents did, and I came out just fine.

[Nobar King]

You can always try the anti cranky baby cap:

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

You can always try the anti cranky baby cap:

What a wonderful invention Brother! Electrocute them when they are acting up! I love it!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

You can always try the anti cranky baby cap:

If that cap gives off anything lower than 500 V, you're basically coddling the child.

[Vayhr of the Warhost]

What I would do with all my little cousins when they were babies was to just duct tape their mouths shut when they got too noisy. After awhile the only thinig I would ever have to do is hold up a roll of tape and they'd shut their god damned traps lickity split.

[SUV]

And with neegroe children, you can simply wet their lips and paste them to the wall

[Glendora Christianson]

Originally Posted by SUV

And with neegroe children, you can simply wet their lips and paste them to the wall

I am reminded of that old Velcro on the ceiling trick too.

Also, some more passive parents still use Tupperware to quiet down their baby. I am especially in favor of the Tupperware method in church and I'll tell you why...

Baby starts screaming, Mom scolds baby, Husband swats wife for interrupting Pastor Pistle's sermon (and she deserves it!).

Liberals think it is not OK to use Tupperware due to a warning sign that now appears on the box. If you take a careful look at the warning sign, any fool will realize that Tupperware is warning folks to NOT PUT BABIES THAT ARE TOO BIG INTO THE BOX - NOT SAYING YOU CAN'T PUT THE BABY IN A PROPER SIZED TUPPERWARE. HELPFUL MOTHER GLENDORA