Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
Reload this Page Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-03-2018, 10:12 AM

Ho Ho Howdy Ho!

My vacation is over. I did have a nice time roaming some less-visited Pacific Paradise Resorts but now it's work, work, work until Christmas day to deliver y'all your wish list. You know the drill! I require no faith, that's the domain of the Jesus guy. Which doesn't mean that he refused any of the myrrh and other items that I brought him so many years ago. Works won't save you from his wrath but nice works will get you lots of plastic toys and stuff. Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.

So, make a list and I'll deliver based on your naughty-nice balance. Here's the gift item I'm gonna deliver to Donald my citrus-haired baby boy this year.



Ask me anything and I'll give you something! Ho ho ho! I am still much more popular than the Jesus guy. Ha ha ha!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#2)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Skull Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-03-2018, 02:37 PM

You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
(#3)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is offline
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Sons of Liberty Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 12,118
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-03-2018, 03:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.
Well said, Brother James. I've had it with elves in tights and toys in the stockings that say, "Made in China." Isn't it time to be done with an invisible being like Santa Claus? Christmas is about someone real, Jesus.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
(#4)
Old
BrotherLarry's Avatar
BrotherLarry BrotherLarry is offline
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™

Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant Persecuted One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Gnathologist Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Stamp of Approval Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Touched by Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Ex-Mary Worshipper Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud Team Fortress Denier

 
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-03-2018, 04:08 PM

Santa,


I want very much to believe in you, but then I think about this:


1. No pony - every year I asked, every year you didn't deliver.
2. I said I explicitly did NOT want underwear as a gift. Every year, the same boring 3 pack of Fruit of the Loom tighty whities.
3. You let my arch rival from 3rd grade have 2 candy canes when he sat on your lap because he was "so cute." You gave me one - and it was cracked. This really lessens your credibility.
4. You don't acknowledge that without Jesus, you'd be a MUCH poorer person. We give gifts because of HIM (Praise God!) and not because of YOU. The reason you have a mansion at the North Pole is because Jesus died on Cavalry's Hill 33 years after Christmas Day.
5. I can't get over the fact that the letters in your name can be rearranged as satan.


No, I think I'll stick with Christ and the gifts He so freely gives.


BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
(#5)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-04-2018, 03:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
You are the only White man I know who prides himself is being like a niggra pie thief, breaking into peoples homes to steal pie and drinking milk. Arbitrarily giving gifts to people you think are good and not to those you deem 'bad'. You have unmitigated gall to think you have the right to judge people when it is written, well before you ever flew about in your make believe sled with flying reindeer (come on, flying reindeer, just how stupid do you think we are???). Stopping at every house in a single night. Elves making presents in OEM packaging at the North Pole?
I have to spend a large part of my time between Thanksgiving and new years ripping out effigies put up to praise you, replacing them with large white crosses.
Christmas is about Jesus and the celebration of His immaculate birth. Not some obese crook spewing lies.
Jamesy my boy, ho ho ho! Do we really have to go through this every year? It's still the penis pump thing, isn't it? You'd have gotten it for your 13th Christmas if you hadn't been pulling off the wings of those pretty butterflies the previous summer. Be nice and I'll deliver as I promised. Incidentally, your wife (the one who disappeared) also asked me to get it for you for years and years and her letters were becoming more and more desperate, but you just could not give up the insect wings, could you! But I do love you as always, Jamie boy. I'll get you the tough guy Halloween costume that you've secretly craved for all these years! Come 2019, you'll have this one day to make your dreams come true!



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#6)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-04-2018, 03:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Well said, Brother James. I've had it with elves in tights and toys in the stockings that say, "Made in China." Isn't it time to be done with an invisible being like Santa Claus? Christmas is about someone real, Jesus.
Johny Baby! It seems like yesteryear, when you were a tiny lass toddler sitting on my lap in the Mall and grinding your baby butt on my knees because of the worst diaper rash in Iowa history! And you still have the same exquisite and refined taste. OK: you'll get your bottle of your favorite liquor, the same as last year and the year before that etc. etc. Ho ho ho!



Quote:
Originally Posted by the Horse Guy View Post
Santa,

I want very much to believe in you, but then I think about this:

1. No pony - every year I asked, every year you didn't deliver.
2. I said I explicitly did NOT want underwear as a gift. Every year, the same boring 3 pack of Fruit of the Loom tighty whities.
3. You let my arch rival from 3rd grade have 2 candy canes when he sat on your lap because he was "so cute." You gave me one - and it was cracked. This really lessens your credibility.
4. You don't acknowledge that without Jesus, you'd be a MUCH poorer person. We give gifts because of HIM (Praise God!) and not because of YOU. The reason you have a mansion at the North Pole is because Jesus died on Cavalry's Hill 33 years after Christmas Day.
5. I can't get over the fact that the letters in your name can be rearranged as satan.

No, I think I'll stick with Christ and the gifts He so freely gives.

BrotherLarry
You're the Horse Guy, right?

Item: You don't have to believe in me. I don't care. I am not about the protection racket that Jesus is so fond of, saving you from what he'd do to you if you don't believe him to do what he would do to you if you don't. Or something. I don't need faith.

Item: For me it is enough if you're nice and not naughty. You may disregard my existence or deny it. I don't care. I'll deliver conditionally but my conditions are much more measurable than the conditions of love of the Jesus boy. But as you like him so much I'll give to something to remind you of him. I would really really appreciate if you used it all the time except when eating or drinking.



Ho ho ho my boy! As you've been extra nice this year, I'll also give you a valuable piece of information: The National Mule Day is October 26th. Now you'll know when to celebrate it!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#7)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Aardvark

 
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-05-2018, 12:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
Howdy !

My vacation is over. I did have a nice time roaming some less-visited Pacific Paradise Resorts but now it's work, work, work until Christmas day to deliver y'all your wish list. You know the drill! I require no faith, that's the domain of the blasphemy removed. Which doesn't mean that blasphemy removed ago. Works won't save you from his wrath but nice works will get you lots of plastic toys and stuff. Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.

So, make a list and I'll deliver based on your naughty-nice balance. Here's the gift item I'm gonna deliver to Donald my citrus-haired baby boy this year.

Ask me anything and I'll give you something! ! I am still blasphemy removed. Which doesn't mean that blasphemy removed guy. Ha ha ha!
Can you please watch the language. There may be posters who are struggling and don't need reminding about the world or the prince controlling it.
Ephesians 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience

Last edited by MitzaLizalor; 12-05-2018 at 12:32 PM. Reason: no need to duplicate mouse picture
(#8)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-06-2018, 05:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Can you please watch the language. There may be posters who are struggling and don't need reminding about the world or the prince controlling it.
Ephesians 2:2 Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience
Dear Mitza, my lass! You're worried about words upsetting people. Facts also upset people, such as the issue that I am much more popular than Jesus. Ho, ho, ho! But, seriously, Mitza-baby! You've always been nice and almost never naughty but aren't you just a teeny bitsy naughty when you chastise me? I have read the Bible and even delivered it as a Christmas present on some quite scattered occasions. I do know that Jesus Baby was often rude and called the opposition fools and blind and vipers and hypocrites. Dear Mitza-lassie-lass! Don't be naughty and use double standards. If you accept much worse language from Jesus you can humor a much older Santa and let him state some facts.
OK. You've mostly been nice. So I'll deliver you the de luxe edition of Asimov's Foundation Trilogy and only because of the slight naughtiness will you get it without the 24-carat gold engravings. Perhaps next year.



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#9)
Old
Straight Homeosexual Straight Homeosexual is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 1
Join Date: Dec 2018
Straight Homeosexual is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-11-2018, 07:16 AM

How do I help Hesus save my Gay Homeosexual friend who refuses to repent?
(#10)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-11-2018, 07:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Straight Homeosexual View Post
How do I help Hesus save my Gay Homeosexual friend who refuses to repent?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa Claus View Post
...Please try to remember that I don't deliver people nor any concepts, such as "true love" or "happiness". Of course plastic toys do bring lots of happiness, I'd be the last supernatural being to deny that.
Dear toddler,

Please consult my opening post (cited above) about delivering concepts or mental states. If you wish to receive advice about your friend, I'm more than certain that this Forum will provide you with plenty of opportunities. Despite your lame attempts to troll the religious people of this site, you seem to be a nice and only slightly retarded person. So here's your gift, the same as last year and for my sake, try not to insert it the wrong way again... .



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#11)
Old
Dr. Anthony J. Toole's Avatar
Dr. Anthony J. Toole Dr. Anthony J. Toole is offline
An old soul
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Pro-Life Donald Trump 2016! Mission to Messico Touched by Jesus Christian Love Protected by JESUS Teabag Patriot Alternative Facts TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian True Scientist™ Doctor Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! True Christian™ Real American™ True Republican BFF of Jesus Ex-eurotrash True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Friend of Jesus Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD The Lord’s Witness Wound Persecuted Prayer Warrior Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Ex-liberal QAnon Storm Chaser Tool of God Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Sweet Toole Verified by Jesus Gold Tither Eats the Most Pork Saved 10 Years Platinum Tither Kirk Cameron Fan Club Stamp of Approval Crown of Glory

 
Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-15-2018, 04:53 PM

Santa,

Give me the precious gift of time. I want a repeat of 2016-2017 again. This year has turned out crap.

Anthony
(#12)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Aardvark

 
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-16-2018, 08:05 AM

Christmas is a time of encouragement and I was encouraged today reading Amos. The Israelites were looking to the future and hoping for security. God reminded them that better years were ahead but it was something He. was going to do.

It was encouraging because God was right! He did. reestablish them in the land just as He said He would!
Amos 9:13-15 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God.
Satan wants to discourage everyone. He just wants everyone to suffer by feeling miserable or vomiting all the time or having fits and sends demons to achieve that try it on for him. Amos reminds me that I have a brand new home to look forward to, just as soon as I meet Jesus in Heaven!



Here's a couple of jolly seasonal songs about that promise expressed through the vehicle of animated pond life. I hope they encourage you, too.

Name:  HOLLY 2:3.png
Views: 99
Size:  7.8 KB

(#13)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-16-2018, 01:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Santa,

Give me the precious gift of time. I want a repeat of 2016-2017 again. This year has turned out crap.

Anthony
Aren't you as a claimed Jesus-follower supposed to have an infinite amount of time reserved for you? I am a connoisseur of time, as I operate within the Planck time, so YES I can do! Here's a genuine plastic replica of the Harry Potter Time Turner just for you to play with! It's made of the best plastics and painted with genuine gold replica paint!



Ho, my Tony-boy. It pays off to be nice, doesn't it?


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
(#14)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: Ask Santa 2018 - Be Nice! - 12-16-2018, 01:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Christmas is a time of encouragement and I was encouraged today reading Amos. The Israelites were looking to the future and hoping for security. God reminded them that better years were ahead but it was something He. was going to do.

It was encouraging because God was right! He did. reestablish them in the land just as He said He would!
Amos 9:13-15 Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper, and the treader of grapes him that soweth seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them. And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them, saith the LORD thy God.
Satan wants to discourage everyone. He just wants everyone to suffer by feeling miserable or vomiting all the time or having fits and sends demons to achieve that try it on for him. Amos reminds me that I have a brand new home to look forward to, just as soon as I meet Jesus in Heaven!

Here's a couple of jolly seasonal songs about that promise expressed through the vehicle of animated pond life. I hope they encourage you, too.

Mitza-Pumpkin! I have absolutely no idea how this fits your wish list. Perhaps you should cut down the booze, including the Claret, the Chardonnay, the Absinthe, the Trappist, the Bourbon, and even the Port. To keep you occupied for the duration of the withdrawal symptoms, I'll deliver to you some plastic toys that have the label "Amos". Sometimes I suspect that the elfs who name these things are fooling around with me, but I don't question. I deliver. You can't thank me enough! Ho!



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved