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True Christian™ and Honorary White Man
True Christian™
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Posts: 78
Join Date: Sep 2006
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White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-06-2020, 05:11 AM
This is a most vexatious time, my brothers and sisters.
These last few months, we done have a steady stream of white people comin’ into our church, smiling their liberal smiles and insisting on kneeling before us and apologizin’ for the pigmentatiousness of their epidermal pallor.
They come in, stop our service, an they says: “We ask you, the Afromarginalized People, to please accept our heartfelt apologies for the systemic racism we have perpetrated upon you through the hate crime of our whiteness.”
Then they tell us all the tribulatary albatrossities that done been visited on our country by “the evil orange man” will be correctionalized when that Joe Biden become president.
Now how are we supposed to keep them white liberals out?
We tried playing music they don’t like, and they said it was “wonderfully authentic.”
We tried speaking nonsense, an they praised us for our articulative articularities.
We took them on a tour of our most blighted neighborhoods, and they said we done good not to be gentrificated by other white people.
You can’t even get rid of these people by insulting them, they agree with everything you say!
There’s gotta be some way to keep white liberals out!
Pastor and CEO, Shatter Creek Baptist Church.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-06-2020, 04:11 PM
You have hit the nail in the head there, Reverend.
In the current political climate, liberals cannot criticize a black man even if he's a convicted rapist and murderer, because they know that if they say something, all of the other liberals will immediately label them racist and cancel them on social media and in real life. The only kind of black people that liberals are allowed to criticize are Trump supporters.
So that's probably the best solution to your white liberal infestation. Just ask your regular congregation to wear MAGA hats instead of whatever atrocities black women stick on their heads nowadays.
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,180
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-06-2020, 04:24 PM
Maybe you could invite them to bring their daughters to Church next time. The prospect of a few negroid grandchildren jumping into the coy pond and scratching the Italian granite countertops should send them running back to their own heritage (conservative Republican suburbia) where they belong.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,756
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-06-2020, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev. Dwight Williams
You can’t even get rid of these people by insulting them, they agree with everything you say!
There’s gotta be some way to keep white liberals out!
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My suggestion, Reverend, would be to have the church bus on standby. Then next time these hateful liberals turn up, have some of the larger men and noisier women in your congregation sneak out on to the bus. They can then follow the invaders home, pile out of the bus and ask, politely, that they be compensated for "white oppression" with food, cash, gifts of electrical goods and anything else they need.
Word will soon get around that you are not to be persecuted in this way. In the meantime, I will pray for you.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,081
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-07-2020, 01:38 PM
Rev. Williams, I'd suggest you weaponize money. Tell the white liberals they cannot leave your church until they empty their pockets of all their money and make a pledge to pay for all the damage they did to you.
Then, go out and buy yourself a new Cadillac, black of course.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
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Posts: 4,816
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-07-2020, 05:09 PM
Might I recommend that you contact Mr. Rutherford (known to some as "Uncle" Rutherford) for advice regarding this very distressing situation, dear Brother Reverend Williams? Mr. Rutherford has tried, so many times, to act as an intercessor in this sort of matter between the white and colored peoples. I have no doubt that he will be able -- and only too willing -- to act as an ambassador (of sorts) in helping you to find yourself relieved of the LIE-beral Demonrats, once and for all!
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-08-2020, 01:49 AM
My advice is to post a Trump sign in front of the church. The sign will have the same effect as garlic on vampires and the Democrats interrupting your worship will be diverted to the AME church down the street. This could have the added effect of bringing some AME members to your congregation and thus to Jesus.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Wetback Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 48
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-08-2020, 02:00 PM
African Americans with Trump signs is reverse cultural appropiation.
We will not let that happen.
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-08-2020, 07:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
Rev. Williams, I'd suggest you weaponize money. Tell the white liberals they cannot leave your church until they empty their pockets of all their money and make a pledge to pay for all the damage they did to you.
Then, go out and buy yourself a new Cadillac, black of course.
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I might suggest selling melanin pills to these individuals - after all, the cathylicks manage to make a quick buck selling indulgences, beads, and wafers. I'm not suggesting it's right to emulate the corrupt cathylicks, but the latte LIEberals should be removed of their money in the name of Jesus lest they cause further damage.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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True Christian™ and Honorary White Man
True Christian™
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Posts: 78
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-09-2020, 10:09 PM
So I done implemented some of the shrewd and astutified suggestions in this here thread and told them white liberals that we have commencerated an "oppression tax" that they must pay before they kneel down before us and beg for our absolutionary blessings.
At first they made protestations, but -- and here is the critical step, brothers and sisters -- we did it while streamifying the entire thing on that there internet, so them liberal white folk had no choice but to empty their pockets 'cause the people online was watching. If they refused to pay the oppression tax, they would be canceled!
We made a tidy $54,861 this Sunday, yes we did!
Now, following the brilliant ideations of my Landover friends, we built ourselves an Ultimate Weapon™, a Final Solution if you will, if them liberal whites refuse to vacatify the premises. Our handy man, DeMarcus, installed a clandestinacious button on the pulpit which, when pressed, drops the drapes from the walls, revealing glorious TRUMP/PENCE 2020 signs all over the interior.
A few of them was brave and tried to tell us we ain't thinking for ourselves, that if we knew what was good for us, we would never support our great President. But for the most part them Trump signs sent 'em screaming back to their Volvos, Subarus and Mercedes. Very effective!
Pastor and CEO, Shatter Creek Baptist Church.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,656
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-13-2020, 02:24 PM
I don't suppose there's a capture of that stream? You might be able to see who threw in the $1.
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Possibly retarded pothead
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Posts: 1,003
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Here in Babylon
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-14-2020, 03:17 AM
Greetings!
I believe that when the white people come to your church you are in an excellent position to offer them a special discount on the reparations they will have to pay once former Vice President Joe Biden is elected President of Babylon. I myself am working diligently to ensure his election and I expect to be remunerated handsomely. I would be happy to discuss the matter with you and I would be happy to assist in the collection of the just reparations for our ancestors who were held as slaves by old white men. Soon there will be a redistribution of the wealth of the white people and all the Black people will be very rich I included. The smart white people will accept the offer of a discount and I will volunteer to hold the funds until such time as a proper distribution can be arranged. I am well qualified for this task as I am a university student and a graduate of the Methodist School in Kingston Jamaica which is my home though my true home and yours too is Africa which is the Motherland. Also I am very active in political work so you can trust me and I am a member of several committees devoted to making President Donald Trump leave Washington DC which is where my school is though it is really in Georgetown.
Jah Guide!
Trevor
Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,656
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: White folk keep comin up in my church to apologize! -
09-15-2020, 10:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari
assist in the collection of the just reparations for our ancestors who were held as slaves by
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Arabs, Turks, Persians, Moroccans, Libyans, the list goes on and on. Let me know when you're teleporting your bailiffs to Riyadh, I'd like to see that.
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