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Default re: when is it OK to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 01:02 PM

Friends, I come here asking your advice in a spirit of Christ-like humility. I feat that, in the last few days, I may have grievously sinned against the Lord and male property rights, and my soul is troubled.
Recently, I've been spending a lot of time unchaperoned with a certain young lady. Of course, we haven't actually indulged in any lustful or lascivious acts together (thank you Jesus), but only those activities which it is proper for a young man and woman to perform together: sitting around while she scrubs my floors, washes my clothes, polishes my Bible, and so on. However, a few days ago, she burnt my steak, and in response...well, I behaved as any passionate red-blooded heterosexual man would do.
My question is: have I gone too far too fast? I know that the sacred responsibility of disciplining a woman is one of the most vital aspects of the Godly Institution of Matrimony, and to engage in this very special act with a woman I'm not actually married to just feels...wrong, really. As an unmarried woman, the young lady I beat senseless is still the property of her father, and to have damaged another Christian man's property...well, it doesn't feel good, I tell you that. So, friends, tell me honestly: by giving a black eye to a woman who doesn't belong to me, have I offended God?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 01:09 PM

You are well within your rights to beat a woman who belongs to another man provided that man isn't present to perform the beating. You're acting as the surrogate beater. Her father should really be paying you a fee.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Friends, I come here asking your advice in a spirit of Christ-like humility. I feat that, in the last few days, I may have grievously sinned against the Lord and male property rights, and my soul is troubled.
Recently, I've been spending a lot of time unchaperoned with a certain young lady. Of course, we haven't actually indulged in any lustful or lascivious acts together (thank you Jesus), but only those activities which it is proper for a young man and woman to perform together: sitting around while she scrubs my floors, washes my clothes, polishes my Bible, and so on. However, a few days ago, she burnt my steak, and in response...well, I behaved as any passionate red-blooded heterosexual man would do.
My question is: have I gone too far too fast? I know that the sacred responsibility of disciplining a woman is one of the most vital aspects of the Godly Institution of Matrimony, and to engage in this very special act with a woman I'm not actually married to just feels...wrong, really. As an unmarried woman, the young lady I beat senseless is still the property of her father, and to have damaged another Christian man's property...well, it doesn't feel good, I tell you that. So, friends, tell me honestly: by giving a black eye to a woman who doesn't belong to me, have I offended God?

Is having her scrub your floors, do your laundry, and cook your meals your idea of courtship?
You don't have the right to hit her at all. She should have defended herself and hit you back -preferably in the head with the skillet she cooked your steak in.


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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 01:27 PM

I don't understand the question. I've given sister Thumper so many black eyes, split lips and broken teeth that I've lost track. She occasionally overcooks my steaks, leaves dust bunnies under the davenport, and forgets to feed the bear dogs.

The girl means well, but I feel that I have a Christian duty to train her for future married life. I believe that Jesus expects us Men to train women thusly. If we don't, who will?


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Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 03:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I don't understand the question. I've given sister Thumper so many black eyes, split lips and broken teeth that I've lost track. She occasionally overcooks my steaks, leaves dust bunnies under the davenport, and forgets to feed the bear dogs.

The girl means well, but I feel that I have a Christian duty to train her for future married life. I believe that Jesus expects us Men to train women thusly. If we don't, who will?
Boy, you must either spend a fortune on dentist bills to get those teeth fixed again or being stuck up with a toothless troll.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 03:44 PM

Brother Temperance, it sounds like her father may be something of a limp-wristed pansy.

Did he not discipline her properly in her youth?

After all, she should know by her current age (how old IS she, anyway?) not to burn a man's food.


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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 04:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bucket of spit View Post
Is having her scrub your floors, do your laundry, and cook your meals your idea of courtship?
You're deliberately misrepresenting my behaviour, you malicious little witch. I also allowed her to polish my Bible. Don't try and convince me that your heart doesn't beat a little faster at the thought of being permitted to rub a cloth over the cover of my Bible until it shines.
Quote:
You don't have the right to hit her at all. She should have defended herself and hit you back -preferably in the head with the skillet she cooked your steak in.
Why would she have a right to defend herself? That just doesn't make any sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Brother Temperance, it sounds like her father may be something of a limp-wristed pansy.

Did he not discipline her properly in her youth?

After all, she should know by her current age (how old IS she, anyway?)
Good question. I'd never thought of asking her. I don't really see that much point in talking to women, to be honest. She's probably old enough, anyway.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 09:27 PM

[quote=Brother Temperance;231059]You're deliberately misrepresenting my behaviour, you malicious little witch. I also allowed her to polish my Bible. Don't try and convince me that your heart doesn't beat a little faster at the thought of being permitted to rub a cloth over the cover of my Bible until it shines.

Believe me boy-o, there is nothing of yours that I wish to rub.

Why would she have a right to defend herself? That just doesn't make any sense.[\quote]

She has the right to defend herself because you attacked her, you misogynist idiot.


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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 09:47 PM

Dear bucket of spit. Its obvious to all of us here that a few more thrashings would help you no end. Its just a pity you havent been thrashed enough to get all that darn rambunctious obstreporousness out of your god forsaken soul.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Guy View Post
Dear bucket of spit. Its obvious to all of us here that a few more thrashings would help you no end. Its just a pity you havent been thrashed enough to get all that darn rambunctious obstreporousness out of your god forsaken soul.

I don't allow anyone to hit me.


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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:03 PM

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Originally Posted by bucket of spit View Post
I don't allow anyone to hit me.
Is that what you're going to tell GOD when He kicks you into the Lake of Fire?

Brother Temperance,

I think you acted rightly towards the girl. Afterall, you are helping her, and speaking from experience with my wife, I'm sure it hurt you as much or maybe more than it did her, just as it hurts CHRIST to boil folks in the Lake of Fire when they rebel without repenting.



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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:19 PM

Brother Temperance I am sure her father would have helped you if he had been present. True Christian™ men are commanded by God to help women find their way into Heaven (if that is possible).

YIC




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bucket of spit View Post
She has the right to defend herself because you attacked her, you misogynist idiot.
He didn't attack her. He disciplined her, you insufferable harlot. You are the one who is doing the attacking. You need to leave poor Brother Temperance alone and go back to servicing tallywackers for two dollars a pop.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
He didn't attack her. He disciplined her, you insufferable harlot. You are the one who is doing the attacking. You need to leave poor Brother Temperance alone and go back to servicing tallywackers for two dollars a pop.
Has she raised her rates?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Has she raised her rates?
Not really...
It's rumoured she is doing a car share scheme...
2 bucks is her group rate...

all part of her envirofriendlyy , tree-hugging , eco-warrior side ...
saves gas , and gets more mileage per emission.




Seek Salvation in Him,
or His Judgement will seek you.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 10:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
He didn't attack her. He disciplined her, you insufferable harlot.
Unless she is a minor and he is her legal guardian, he has no right to discipline her, you demented pervert.
And even if he were her legal guardian, punching her in the face is not acceptable as a form of discipline.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 11:15 PM

Did Jesus not say he who is without sin cast the first stone. He saved a woman from being stoned to death. Wither or not you want to believe me Jesus wants you to respect women.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 11:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberator View Post
Did Jesus not say he who is without sin cast the first stone. He saved a woman from being stoned to death. Wither or not you want to believe me Jesus wants you to respect women.
Jesus doesn't say that nobody should cast stones.
He says that he who is without sin may cast stones.

And friend, he who abides in Jesus Christ is made sinfree (as 1 John 3:5-9 says).
Thus, Jesus expects True Christians™ to cast stones. Glory!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 11:40 PM

are you going to really lie to yourself and believe that you are perfect. You do not go a day without making a sin. Hate of others is a sin pastor. There is a reason that no one cast a stone, including jesus christ. Do you abide in your christ every day, hour, second? I doubt it. Have you repented for all of your sins? ALL OF THEM???? I think not. You and no one else has been perfect. Even your bible has taught you that jesus was the only person to have ever been perfect, and sinless.
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Default Re: When is it right to beat a woman? - 09-05-2008, 11:43 PM

if you were sinless you too could atone for the sins of your fellow men. I think you should think of helping others instead of calling them non believers.

Is charity not the work of god.

I may not be a true believer in christ but i know my bible stories.
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