NOVEMBER 23 is:
Feast of Qawl (
Bahá'í Faith). No I don't know what a Qawl is, but it's probably some disgusting camel body part.
Alexander Nevsky's
feast day (Russian Orthodox Church). An army of Germans died due to walking on thin ice, and this loser took all the credit. Story repeats in 1812 and 1941. Note to Ivan: living in a frozen hellhole does not make you a heroic warrior. Living in a frozen hellhole means you're an idiot.
St George's Day (Georgia). This is the nation of Georgia, not the State of Georgia, which would never stoop to celebrating Libyan Catholic.
Rudolf Maister Day (Slovenia). No, I don't know who he is either. Anybody who was named after a reindeer must be too pathetic to be worth knowing about.
Pope Clement I (Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints). A huge plagerist, credited for epistles he didn't write. His miracle is that he went to where a goat was, and found water there. That's right, Catholics can't tell the difference between water and goat urine. Tossed an anchor into the ocean while still holding the rope, drowned, is burning in HELL.
NOVEMBER 23 IN HISTORY:
2005 – Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, elected president of Liberia, is the first woman to lead an
African country. You weren't missing out on anything, folks.
1996 - Irebe Skliva, 18, of
Greece, crowned 46th
Miss World. It's easy to keep your virgin beauty in a country filled with homosexuals.
Quote:
Proof that prayer works. She won even though she's ugly.
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1996 –
How wimpy are Italians? So wimpy they've been defeated by the Ethiopians, twice. How wimpy are Ethiopians? So wimpy that Ethiopian Airlines Flight 961 was sucessfully highjacked by 3 drunks armed with a bottle of liquor.
Quote:
The predictable result. Don't drink and fly, kids. Better yet, just don't let negros fly.
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1991 - Death-metal rocker Freddie Mercury admits that God has smitted him with
AIDS as punishment for his homosexuality.
1981 – Ronald Reagan signs the top secret National Security Decision Directive 17 (NSDD-17), giving the Central Intelligence Agency the authority to recruit and support Contra freedom commandos in Nicaragua.
1980 – God sends a series of earthquakes to kill 4,800
kitten-killing catholics in southern Italy.
1979 – More proof that Catholic prayers go unanswered: Provisional Irish Republican Army member Thomas McMahon is sentenced to life in prison for the assassination of Lord Mountbatten.
1970:
Pope Paul VI issues a decree barring cardinals over the age of 80 from voting for a new pope, in direct violation of the 10 commandments ("respect your elders" - God) Why do Catholics want to take the vote away from the Elderly? Probably because men over 80 aren't horny enough to support the vatican's pro-pedophillia policy.
1963 – While Kennedy's head is being stuffed with sawdust and stitched together for the funeral, the BBC broadcasts the first ever episode of "
some of the sickest, most horrible material...teatime brutality for tots" according to Mary Whitehouse (see
ascended to heaven, below). Also known as Doctor Who, this orgy of anti-Biblical
tentacle porn has become the world's longest science fiction show.
1958 -
Ronald & Nancy Reagan appear together in the "GE Theatre" production of
"A Turkey for President".
1947: E. L.
Sukenik of Jerusalem's Hebrew University first receives word of the existence of the Dead Sea Scrolls
1946 – Hai Phong, Viet Nam: French Navy Heavy Cruiser Suffren pacifies 6,000
Buddhist and Catholic commies. Hai Phong is located on the Red River, proof that God has a sense of humor. Hell's maw opens wide, ready to dish out a lot more red rivers of "suffren".
1941 - Port Darwin bombed. The only Western city to be bombed by the Japanese in WW2 was named after DARWIN. Coincidence? Or is God trying to tell us something?
1940 – World War II: Romania joins the first Axis of Evil. Are used as cannon fodder. A sad nadir for the nation that produced Christianity's finest anti-Muslim crusader, Vlad "the impaler" Tepes.
1934 – An Anglo-Ethiopian boundary commission in the Ogaden discovers an Italian garrison at Walwal, which lay well within Ethiopian territory. In less than a decade the wops will flee Ethiopia for the second time - and this was before Ethiopians had obtained weaponized liquor bottle technology.
1921 - American doctors forbidden from prescribing
beer.
1917 - Judicial Activism tramples over States Rights: Supreme Court strikes down Louisville, Kentucky ordinance requiring blacks & whites to live in separate residential areas.
1910 – Sweden carries out its last execution. Sweden has been overrun by crime and lawlessness ever since.
1903 – Colorado Governor James Peabody sends the state militia and 60,000 rounds of ammunition into the town of Cripple Creek to break up a miners' strike. 600 union workers are taken into custody in a military bullpen for weeks without charges. When a lawyer appears with a writ of habeas corpus, the General says, (quote)
"Habeas corpus, hell! We'll give 'em post mortems!"
1888 - Harpo Marx born, starting Marxism's reigh of terror.
1863 –
War of Yankee Aggression: Battle of Chattanooga begins.
1654:
French mathematician Blaise Pascal undergoes a profound religious conversion. He thereupon abandoned his study of science, having realized that "the Christian religion obliges us to live only for God, and to have no other aim than him."
1584 - English parliment throws out
Jesuits. A good start.
1334 -
God pre-emptively punishes Holland for pot legalization with a flood.
1248 – Conquest of Seville by the Christian troops under King Ferdinand III of Castile. Suck it, Muslims!
1170 B.C. - First recorded strike for better working conditions and pay takes place in Egypt, by laborers too lazy to build a simple pyramid. How lazy can they get? It's just a triangle!
DAMNED TO HELL ON NOVEMBER 23:
2005 – Constance Cummings, actress. Obviously working in porn, just look at her name.
1996 – Art Porter, Jr., American
jungle-music jazz pusher.
1902 – Walter Reed, bacteriologist. An admitted
germunist, he supported the germ theory of disease, which disagrees with the Biblically-accurate Intelligent Smiting.
ASCENDED TO HEAVEN ON NOVEMBER 23:
2001 – Mary Whitehouse: crusader against smut on television. Starting in 1963 she targeted the director-general of the BBC, because he was "
more than anybody else [...]
responsible for the moral collapse in this country". Her crowning achievement: Starting a lawsuit that had a gay poet jailed 9 months for Blasphemy.
1997 – Jorge Más Canosa: anti-Castro freedom commando. The man who bombed Cubana Flight 455, hotels and nightclubs in 1997,
said his activities were directly supported by Jorge Mas Canosa.