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Default Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-15-2022, 01:37 AM

It's high school graduation season again, and that means that we're going to run into more and more teenagers using the Landover Baptist Church campus as their own private bordello over the coming months. To avoid a repeat of last year's incident in which church security had to shoot several randy, trespassing teens, we ask that teenagers stop having sexual intercourse on church property. Jesus is watching you, and so are our security cameras!

We implore all Landover fathers to double-check that their daughters' chastity devices fit snugly and are properly locked.


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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-17-2022, 08:10 PM

This whole thing called the "prom" is fraught with sin. There is no prom at Freehold Public High School. Why parents from other schools tolerate it is beyond me.

I've given orders to our Freehold PD to train their patrol car spotlights of couples having sex in the grass around Freehold. They are to take pictures which will be sent to parents.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-20-2022, 01:00 PM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
This whole thing called the "prom" is fraught with sin. There is no prom at Freehold Public High School. Why parents from other schools tolerate it is beyond me.
Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…


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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-20-2022, 01:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Tanya Fairywings View Post
Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…
Proms and weed are a good combination I think?


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-21-2022, 12:08 PM

Please stop flirting with Tanya, she is not interested.
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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-21-2022, 12:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanya Fairywings View Post
Good call. What’s the whole point of proms anyway? Spending the night pulling out weeds sounds more entertaining…
I have never attended a "proms" or "school formal" and as a heathen wretch would never attend anything called formal in any case. Mostly we tried to look as much like we'd slept in haystacks for a month where our clothes had been gnawed by goats. Fancy dress was different – there we'd win prizes. As long as we didn't tell anyone we weren't actually wearing costumes.

We would never have gone anywhere near a church. Satan must be very busy in these last days trawling for souls even in church car parks. Gardening is much safer than hanging around in car parks. I have a couple of these coming on quite well now.

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Default Re: Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property - 06-22-2022, 12:49 PM

Stoning people for fornication would put an end to this problem. That's all I am saying.


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