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Reload this Page Let's rewrite the history textbooks using SJW rules
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Lightbulb Let's rewrite the history textbooks using SJW rules - 01-13-2018, 03:27 PM

Did you know that Franklin Roosevelt once bullied a vegetarian immigrant until the vegetarian immigrant committed suicide?

It's true. Granted, I left out lots of information, and it depends on what you think "bullied" means. The fact that the victim was a vegetarian immigrant might not have anything to do with anything.

None of these problems ever stopped an SJW though. So, let's make a thread full of the sort of historical insights one can achieve by applying SJW methods to True Christian history.

Edit:

I'm having a hard time getting my idea across. Maybe we should forget about textbooks and talk about news headlines instead.

I can't count how many times I've seen a headline that reads "Police shoot black man" or "Border hassles Muslim" or "Politician hurts feelings of transvestite".

It's all "bad thing happens to protected person" or more likely "unprotected person has conflict with protected person".

Why the bad thing happened to the protected person doesn't matter. What the conflict is about, who is at fault...Doesn't matter.

It's like the media has granted diplomatic immunity to 90% of the world's population.

So, my vegetarian immigrant example. Of course, the proper SJW response would be to point out that Roosevelt is a cripple, which gives him diplomatic immunity also.

Then the Oppression Olympics begins in earnest. Next we say Hitler doesn't count as an immigrant because Austria isn't so different from Germany, and because Germany never really oppressed Austria.

Cue a lot of bitter recriminations and resurrected ancient hatreds as the Austro-Prussian war is brought up, lots of squabbling over who was the shirker and who was propping whom up in WW1. Who did more massacres against whom during the 30 years war?

Let's pretend that our SJWs conclude that both countries oppressed each other equally throughout history. So we will compare skin color. Austria is slightly to the south of Germany, doesn't that mean they are slightly darker skinned? It might only be by a freckle or two, but this is SKIN COLOR we are talking about here. This is important to SJWs.

Pretending that our SJWs move on from skin color (HA! Like that would happen!) religion comes up. Roosevelt is a Protestant, Hitler is a Catholic who hangs out with a lot of weird pagan types.

Sexuality: Roosevelt has a wife, making him an oppressor. Hitler is strangely single. Does this mean he has nerd-privilege? No, women were crazy about Hitler. He could have had the sex life of a rock star, yet chose not to. Definitely a sexual minority.

Class: HAHAHAHA! Like SJWs would think that money has any influence on power. Moving on...

...No, let's pretend that there's an old-school marxist in our group of SJWs. He (of course it's a he) points out that Roosevelt was born a wealthy North-Easterner whereas Hitler spent much of his life as a bum, he was born lower-middle class in a marginal small town - literally marginal, it was on a border. "Gotcha" says the pro-Roosevelt faction "Hitler's father was a BORDER GUARD!" The sins of the father fall upon the son in SJW-land.

But what if Hitler's father was secretly looking the other way while illegal immigrants snuck in? After all, Hitler had some big plans to bring immigrants into Russia - it involved replacing the people who already lived in Russia, but no SJW would ever complain about white people getting replaced. Shortly after taking power, he had some plans that involved bringing immigration to Madagascar, or perhaps Palesti - oops! Zionism is an instant-loss condition, so it's time for a subject change: Hitler was useful ally to a Hispanic friend (Franco), and a friend of Palestine, an ally of Indian independence, in fact the Axis powers did more to cause decolonization than anything else did.

"But that's just allydom, that doesn't count. It's like saying you have black friends, everybody knows that's just more proof that you're racist. Especially being allied with east-Asians, everybody knows they count as white for SJW purposes. Did you know that Korean shopkeepers try to stop shoplifters, even when the shoplifters are black?"

At this point Someone reminds the old-school Marxist of his skin color (2 hours of counting confirms that he has 12 less freckles than the others) and as he hangs his head in shame, a woman-with-a-penis accuses him of oogling her (hairy) chest. After much drama and #metoo-ing we return to the oppression Olympics.

Next event: the vegetarian thing.
Hitler had a pet dog, making him an enslaver of animals. But on the other hand, Roosevelt's family includes Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt, who would not only hunt animals, he would, like a horror-movie psycho, keep their skins and stuff them. It's where the name "Teddy bear" comes from. Yes, the very same Teddy Bears we have right here IN THIS SAFE SPACE!

Cue another round of recriminations as we try to figure out who suggested the ritual re-enactment of animal mutilation be allowed in the safe space. There is a long tangent over whether one of the bears looks like it's in blackface.


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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 01-26-2018 at 03:46 PM.
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fdr, franklin delano roosevelt, hitler, hitler and gandhi, party like it's 1939, political correctness, roosevelt, social justice warriors, vegetarians are nazis, ww2

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