[Free Market Fred]

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I apologize for being gone all week, but I've been so busy attending meetings with the management at Fox News and Clear Channel. We've been working on one of our biggest projects ever, one which I believe is going to shake the world.

In cooperation with the Ronald Reagan Institute of Conservative Studies and funded by a grant from Uranus, I'm pleased to announce the opening of Glenn Beck University.


"Brawndo - it's got what plants crave"
- Dr Glenn Beck

The courses are taught online, and are open to all true Americans with a credit card. The curriculum was written by none other than Dr Glenn Beck. Even though he never completed a semester of college, he nevertheless received an honorary Ph.D. from Liberty University just last month. Which just goes to show that you don't need to attend real school to get a diploma and make millions.

I personally believe that this GBU serves a vital need in the conservative community, especially for home-schooled children. Traditional liberal elite universities discriminate against Christian kids who have been taught by their blue collar parents, refusing to admit them just because they can't read or do math. Glenn Beck University will level the playing field, granting degrees in Conservative Studies to all paying students who can pass an oral exam and/or show that they have a pulse.

I've personally worked on the first lesson in the curriculum, which explains the global warming hoax. Actually, many of you will be surprised when you see this lesson - I'll bet you didn't realize that global warming IS REAL. Yes, that's true. However, it's not caused by carbon dioxide. We now know that it's mainly caused by methane gas, which even environwackos admit is 25 more powerful than CO2 as a greenhouse gas. And since the main source of methane is cow farts, my company (the Uranus Corporation) has recently devised technology to solve this problem:


Capturing methane gas in balloons using advanced technology from Uranus

Water vapor also contributes to global warming. That's why my company is working hard to cause desertification by cutting down forests and draining water tables. We all know that deserts are good - just look at how many people want to move to Phoenix and Las Vegas to enjoy the sunshine. But rather than making these people move to arid regions, we intend to bring the desert (and thus year-round golfing weather) to them.


Great weather for golfing

The above facts are just a small sample of the marvelous things you can learn at Glenn Beck University. Graduates will be able to impress their conservative friends, and argue with liberal dopes who believe in evolution and homoism. Furthermore, a diploma from a prestigious institution like GBU increases your chances of employment - we'll be needing lots more American tomato pickers after US wages drop so low that even Mexicans won't want to come here to work.

But you've got to act soon. There are just a limited number of students that Dr Beck can teach, so get out your credit card and dial the toll-free number on the university web site today. You'll be glad you did!

[teenaged mocker]

Which of these organisations is the Beck University accredited by?

http://www.usastudyguide.com/accreditation.htm

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Originally Posted by 159753

Which of these organisations is the Beck University accredited by?

http://www.usastudyguide.com/accreditation.htm

I think you have it backwards there, my enumerated friend.

Those organizations need to seek out Glen Beck and be accredited by him!!!

[teenaged mocker]

Originally Posted by Oakland "Reb" Griner

I think you have it backwards there, my enumerated friend.

Those organizations need to seek out Glen Beck and be accredited by him!!!

But if I want to further my studies or get a job, it'd sure help to go to an accredited university.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Glen Beck is accredited by GOD.

What more could you want ?


Nothing wrong with having high standards, but you don't need to go any higher than The Lord God Almighty, do you ?

[Nobar King]

I think this is a project that I can handle. I could use a university diploma.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by 159753

But if I want to further my studies or get a job, it'd sure help to go to an accredited university.

If you want to further your studies, it'd help to go to a university where you can study the Truth. If you want to get a job, it'd help to pray to God for assistance with a pure and humble heart.

[Benedict A. Davis]

FF
This type of accellerated educational program is something that might interest me but I have to know that none of the money I spend there goes to the Mormon Church or for the purchase of any magic underwear.
If I wanted to enter a doctoral program which colleges would they be in? How many hours would it involve? Do you offer a physical graduation ceremony or at least a photoshop picture in cap and gown?

[Jo Freddie]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

And since the main source of methane is cow farts, my company (the Uranus Corporation) has recently devised technology to solve this problem:


Capturing methane gas in balloons using advanced technology from Uranus

I take it that this is an example of the level of education your establishment offers. Slight problem, while Bovine methane production is significant, it is released from the other end of the animal.
Mind you not the first time those associated with LBC have got things the wrong way round.

[BelieverInGod]

Cows don't fart? That's news to me. Here I was always told that a farting cow was a healthy cow, but hey the vet doesn't have your wonderful wisdom.

[Jo Freddie]

Originally Posted by BelieverInGod

Cows don't fart? That's news to me. Here I was always told that a farting cow was a healthy cow, but hey the vet doesn't have your wonderful wisdom.

Did I say cows don't fart, I don't think I did, what I said was:

Originally Posted by Jo Freddie

I take it that this is an example of the level of education your establishment offers. Slight problem, while Bovine methane production is significant, it is released from the other end of the animal.
Mind you not the first time those associated with LBC have got things the wrong way round.

I do not mention anything about farts.

[Free Market Fred]

Good news people. Dr Glenn Beck has just discovered photographic evidence proving that our dear Earth is indeed only 6000 years old, not "billions of years" like those crazy Democrat global warmists claim.


Jesus riding a dinosaur in the Garden of Eden 6000 years ago

The only reason we don't have dinosaurs today is that they were wiped out in the Great Flood, all because the Joo-liberal bureaucrats in the Holy Land decided that Noah's Ark couldn't carry dinos without a permit. Such a pity - just think of the super-sized meals we could have at McDonald's today if these magnificent creatures were not extinct! And all because of libs and big guvmint!


"You want my gun, lib, you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead claws"

To learn more fascinating facts, sign up for classes today!

[Jo Freddie]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

Good news people. Dr Glenn Beck has just discovered photographic evidence proving that our dear Earth is indeed only 6000 years old, not "billions of years" like those crazy Democrat global warmists claim.

What rubbish, everyone knows the Earth is not 6,000 years old.