[Marshall]

As the ranking True Christian™ and owner/proprietor of the Wiseman Compound and Bible Complex in North "by God" Carolina, I am pleased to report that the instances of Wiccan and hippy activity near the south fenceline have dramatically dropped in the last two months since my acquisition of the land beyond the former perimeter. I purchased the additional 600 acres with the Lords blessing on Dec 16th and the last Wiccan was treed on the night of Jan 22nd. The last hippy was apprehended on the following week on the 26th.

I have had a relatively slow period(forgive the nasty talk) these last few weeks and have kept myself busy with the Godly retraining procedures and such. Revamping the direction of the instruction if you will. This has not been easy as the last few Wiccans were the most violent to date and the hippies require constant monitoring to assure total sobriety throughout the process. It has been noted that the common hippy can "get high" on practically anything. And will if left unattended for more than the briefest of periods.

I have been observing the hippies and their unnatural tendencies for years. This has afforded me the uncanny ability to differentiate between the 5 sub-groups of the common hippy. The following is a short review of these sub-groups as well as their individual attribute. This is intended to aid the True Christian™ faithful in spotting and immediate capture or avoidance of any who fall within these guidelines.
For as we all know,
ALL HIPPIES ARE DISGUSTING BUT THEY AREN'T ALL DISGUSTING FOR THE SAME REASONS.

Sub-group 1.
The Original/Classic Hippy.
Charlie Manson and his filthy crew are in this group. Extremely violent and dangerous. These miscreants are prone to kidnapping young girls for interracial sex orgies and drug crazed self pleasuring carnivals of indecency. These sex perverts will stop at nothing until the entire world is a grotesque tie dyed explosion of naked unGodliness. Sandals are common year round.
They speak in their own unintelligible language with words like "groovy" and "man" or "wow" or "like" peppering their speech constantly.
They can be easily spotted due to their penchant for beads and fringed clothing as well as German and Swedish automobiles such as Volvo wagons and Volkswagon Microbuses. They also reek of Patchouli and body odor mixed with copious amounts of acrid Marijuana smoke. It is an unmistakable assault on the olfactory system. Long hair and ungroomed body fuzz only furthers their offensiveness.

Sub-group 2.
The New Agers/Crystal Rubbers.
This group is usually surrounded by Native American trinkets such as the "dream catcher" and other demonic feathered items. With their insipid claims of "vibes" and the so-called "benefits" of herbal tea and "holistic medicine". This group will usually attempt to convert you immediately with a never-ending Satanic dialogue. A strap of duct tape is useful in stifling this Hellish mumbo-jumbo. Weird earth oriented blessings and crystal centered Satanic rituals are commonplace in this groups environment. Incense fills their clothes and ponytails and braids with the horrible scents of Hell. Sandalwood and Black Love.
Plenty of subdued earthtones and of course sandals are the normal dress for this brand of evildoer.

Sub-group 3.
The Neo-hippy.
This is by far the most often encounted of the groups. This is the kid in the mall wearing the hemp necklace and the "Phish" tie dyed T-shirt reading poetry to his homosexual buddies. The females create the sinful waste of time known as "hemp art" by tying knot after evil knot in twine formed from the Devils weed. They also create their own clothing and wear sandals year round.
Smoking reefers and doing acid paper constantly has eroded the brain to the point of actually protesting the United States in several hundred of these devil worshipping addicts. They are generally too young and uninformed to know any better and require the most retraining of all the groups.
The women are hairy and loose with the clothing to the point of being practically nude. The men wear tie Dyed shirts and baggy ripped jeans. The promiscuosity presented by these heathens makes Jesus sick to His glorious stomach. The women are especially crafty and will not hesitate to use their feminine wiles to get what they want. YOUR SOUL.

Sub-group 4.
The Vegetarian/Eco-Wacko.
Easily recognized by their gaunt features and lack of body fat, these heretics are nothing short of God forsaken! With their skinny bodies and their "animals before humans" attitude, they never last long in captivity. Retraining almost always proves fatal. Jesus is incredibly disappointed in this group for their assumption that He was a vegetarian.
Easily captured due to the ease at which they faint. Tree hugging and shrub humping Satanist weirdos bent on the idea of a planet owned by animals where humans wander the land eating twigs and berries.
Look for pastel colors and animal pictures on their clothing. Sandals and dreadlocks. The men are generally homosexual and pass out immediately if threatened with more than a strong word.

Sub-group 5.
Militant Activists/Leftist Guerrillas.
These are easily the most detrimental group of them all. The Classic hippy is a walk in the park in comparison to this odiferous wastrel. Completely unhinged and exibiting a herd mentality that can only be described as Satanic in origin. Normally found in crowds, it is rare to apprehend a single Sub-group 5 member. Usually there are several dozen gathered for some insipid purpose. The protest signs they carry are a dead giveaway. Usually their signs are designed specifically to make Jesus cry.
Screaming nonsense and blithering about "rights" this and "rights" that, the Sub-group 5s are wirey fighters and normally require sedation in order to subdue them for retraining.
Look for tank-tops and lots of camo on the females and dreadlocks on both sexes.
Combat boots and as always, sandals.

You may have noticed an ongoing theme within all of the groups. Sandals and hair.
These are used solely in order to mock our Lord and Saviour. It is obvious, through careful research, to ascertain the hippies hidden homosexual agenda as well as the forced promiscuosity of minors through the use of terror and drug abuse. This is the core of the rotten apple of hippy dogma.
The peace symbol being a rendition of the broken Cross should be a warning to all who value their souls continuing non-damnation. Nothing enrages Christ Jesus faster than a mocking hippy worshipping mother earth instead of Him. This is easily a Satanic and inappropriate thing to do.
There should be little doubt as to the definite threat that they pose to our Glorious lifestyle. Care must be taken when apprehending one of these incredulous things. They bite as well as pinch and scratch.

With the help of the True Christian™ Saved of Landover Baptist in accordance with scripture, this horrible and disgusting menace will be thwarted. This aberration must be halted. With the information I have provided above, it should be no problem spotting a hippy in your area.

Be careful and any questions concerning hippies or hippy capture and retraining techniques(which are in a constant state of upgrade), feel free to contact me personally.
In Christ Jesus Holy name I pray.
M-

[Dwayne DeKalb]

We "hippies" cannot be categorized like flora and fungi. We're individuals. Each one of us is unique in her or his own way. You really need psychiatric help, you know that?

[Marshall]

Look here stalker, hippies are violent and a menace. Just look at what Manson and Koresh did!

[Deaner]

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb

We're individuals. Each one of us is unique in her or his own way.

[Marshall]

They use their trance inducing music and drugs along with blinding clothing and "Dye Tied" shirts to mesmerize impressionable youths into deviant sex acts and rituals.

[Nobar King]

May I be permitted to submit an additional hippie subgroup?

6. Zombie Wookie Deadheads:

This group of brain-dead matted-haired sponges hide under rocks huffing reefer or playing in drum circles until the latest hippy jive jam-band comes into town. Then it's time to cluster 'en masse' to the latest venue. They wander around glassy eyed with a finger in the air hoping some fool capitalist hippy with too much money will hand over a ticket for free! (Calling them sponges is insulting to Eukaryota Porifera). In contrast to the other types mentioned above, these hippies eschew wearing shoes at all, and the soles of their feet are glazed black with the filth of years of not bathing. The dank stench of ditch weed will alert you to their presence long before they are spotted.


Notice how he can't even keep his pants on?

[Fallen Angel]

my freind chelseh is a hippy n shes not dangrous at all. she smokes a lil 2 much pot i think but thats all. she made the neckless im wearing now n its rly pretty.

[Marshall]

Chelsea is going to Hell.
Please let her know.

[Fallen Angel]

Originally Posted by Marshall

Chelsea is going to Hell.
Please let her know.

she dun believe in hell. she dun believe in the godess either but there is no hell in wica. she finds her own path n is happy.

[Marshall]

Wicca IS Hell.
Being a Wiccadian is like being a hippy witch. Thats double trouble.
Let her know Jesus is watching her random graveyard fornications and cat sacrifices and He is not happy.

[Nobar King]

This would fall under subgroup 1 or 3, but not necessarily 5:

[Fallen Angel]

Originally Posted by Marshall

Wicca IS Hell.
Being a Wiccadian is like being a hippy witch. Thats double trouble.
Let her know Jesus is watching her random graveyard fornications and cat sacrifices and He is not happy.

chelseh's not a wican just i am. chelseh believes in a spririt thats shared by every1 and u need 2 expand ur conchense 2 experience it.

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Originally Posted by Fallen Angel

chelseh's not a wican just i am. chelseh believes in a spririt thats shared by every1 and u need 2 expand ur conchense 2 experience it.

Hey Fallen Angel. Are these guys insane or what? Where you from? Want to get some latte or something?

[Marshall]

This isn't a strip club for you to pick up sluts in!

Proposition harlots elsewhere!

[VictoryOS]

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb

Hey Fallen Angel. Are these guys insane or what? Where you from? Want to get some latte or something?

You mean to tell me you read this:

Originally Posted by Fallen Angel

chelseh's not a wican just i am. chelseh believes in a spririt thats shared by every1 and u need 2 expand ur conchense 2 experience it.

And you want to wander off with her to sip lattes in some coffee shop and talk about how we're insane? I believe what we have here is Exhibit A in the trial against the public school system.

[ForGodsSake]

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb

Hey Fallen Angel. Are these guys insane or what? Where you from? Want to get some latte or something?

Probably a secret code they use for drinking pigs blood.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb

Hey Fallen Angel. Are these guys insane or what? Where you from? Want to get some latte or something?

Mr. DeKalb, I realize that you don't care about God's Law . . . but I'll have you know that taking sexual advantage of a retarded like Fallen Angel is a felony in most states.

[Dippydix]

I have to agree with you when it comes to hippies. They do nothing for society, and their imaginary world is impossible. If everbody is going to live the way hippies want to live, the human race would soon be eliminated.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Originally Posted by Fallen Angel

chelseh's not a wican just i am. chelseh believes in a spririt thats shared by every1 and u need 2 expand ur conchense 2 experience it.

Hey, maybe if you expand you consciousness enough, you'll finally be able to learn english! It's a long shot, but keep reaching for the stars (at the very least you might even stop using numbers to substitute words).

Originally Posted by Dwayne DeKalb

Hey Fallen Angel. Are these guys insane or what? Where you from? Want to get some latte or something?

Really buddy?

I'm gonna agree with JennyD on this one. What you are trying to do is illegal and highly immoral.

Now I do understand that in your case, it's times like this that might be your only chance to get a woman into your bed, but for the love of God man, have some dignity!

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Originally Posted by JennyD

Mr. DeKalb, I realize that you don't care about God's Law . . . but I'll have you know that taking sexual advantage of a retarded like Fallen Angel is a felony in most states.

Everybody is equal in my eyes, and that includes the mentally challenged. Fallen Angel deserves to be treated like a "normal" person, and that includes being romanced and made love to.