[Back against wall]

New in Defense. Protect your property & rights!



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[Roland]

Hello Back,

I have a question: What is the purpose of the munitions detector? To me your system seems more or less designed to keep certain people out. Does the blood mist system only engage when the trespasser is armed? What would happen if a friend drops by with his missile launcher for a surprise rabbit hunting trip?

[Back against wall]

Hello Roland. How go the Meatballs? These questions are quite valid. Did you read the Disclaimer?
One would be forgiven to believe that if a "Friend" was invited or commonly welcomed, The True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ built in "Friend or Foe Facial Recognition Software™ would deactivate the security and track said friend safely to your door.
If a friend was to jeopardize this safety feature (read disclaimer/accidental death clause) one would possibly have to consider, should I have befriended an idiot?

I hope this answers your question.

[MitzaLizalor]

I have a query. My friends wear quite lively fabric—supplied & sewn by me to make sure it's all single fibre—but could this be confused with bling?

Deuteronomy 22:11-12 Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together. Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself. kjv

FABRIC SAMPLE single fibre as per verse 11
FRINGE SAMPLE fringe as per verse 12 (this is the top half)


Were I to invest in a system would my friends be distinguished from undesirable elements as they approached?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Brother Back, sir, my husband asks whether the system can be modified to deal with local conditions. For example, our main worry is hordes of marauding Jehovah's Witlesses, who seem undeterred by this:


Perhaps they are illiterate, but stronger measures than our boys' imaginative system of tripwires are now called for.

We have little problem with atheists, thanks to this:



Such cowards, atheists.

Originally Posted by Roland

To me your system seems more or less designed to keep certain people out.

Wow, he gets it! Well done, my little cardboard-cutlass wielding friend!

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Jehovah's Witlesses

Perhaps I could suggest keeping something like these by your front door:

Simply pop one in your mouth or around your head (according to style) before answering the door and BINGO! those JW's can't back off quick enough!


click to enlarge

Also works on Mormons.

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Back against wall

[...]
If a friend was to jeopardize this safety feature (read disclaimer/accidental death clause) one would possibly have to consider, should I have befriended an idiot?

Some might say it is regrettable, but inevitable, collateral damage.

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Wow, he gets it! Well done, my little cardboard-cutlass wielding friend!

Thank you Joanna, as we all know I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Kind regards, Roland

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Roland

Some might say it is regrettable, but inevitable, collateral damage.

..associated with what?

[Roland]

Associated with the result of this feature:

If a friend was to jeopardize this safety feature (read disclaimer/accidental death clause) one would possibly have to consider, should I have befriended an idiot?

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Roland

Associated with the result of this feature:

So you're saying you befriend idiots? Otherwise it'd not be inevitable, collateral damage for you?

[Roland]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

So you're saying you befriend idiots? [...]

To state some of my friends are idiots seems a bit harsh, though it is probably the truth. Should I be pointing it out, that might make me somewhat of a hypocrite since I am part of the select few that would say: ¨Hold my beer and watch this!¨

Being an idiot is not so much frowned upon among Pastafarians as it is among Christians I suppose.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Roland

To state some of my friends are idiots seems a bit harsh, though it is probably the truth.

The truth, particularly God's Truth as encompassed in the Holy Bible, may sometimes appear a little harsh to Unsaved Trash like you, Roland dear. But if, as you said yourself, you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer then your friends are likely to be equally intellectually challenged (that is "polite-speak" for dumb as a box of hair). Otherwise, they would not put up with you, now, would they?

Luckily, there is an answer!

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

[...]

Luckily, there is an answer!

If you had paid attention you should know I am already working on that.

Originally Posted by Roland

Hello Mrs. Elizabeth,

Thank you for the link to the KJV, but I already have a nice Bible (KJV). The publishers even took the effort to print Jesus´ words in red. That certainly made it easier to find John 10:7-18 from which you took your quote, unlike some verses I liked and wanted to find somewhat faster where I had to use a marker pen.

[...]

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Roland

If you had paid attention you should know I am already working on that.

As though people had nothing better to do than remember what you have said.

Have you got as far as the beautiful and relevant passage in Ecclesiastes 1:2?

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

As though people had nothing better to do than remember what you have said.

It would surprise me if people didn´t have better things to do than remember what I´ve said. Nonetheless you make a lousy argument when you state something that could be easily proven irrelevant merely by reading a few posts back.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I have a clarification question here regarding the DECAL DETECTOR™, does this device detect the presence of tattoos? If yes, then I think we have a winner here - there will be overwhelming market acceptance.

If venture capital is needed here, I'm sure our very own Free Market Fred can provide some assistance.

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.

- Leviticus 19:28

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Brother BAW, may I please suggest a roof hatch alarm in case we get raptured?




Dr. Laurence Niles also suggests that in case of a rapture, we should leave a few windows ajar so we are not bouncing against them like a wasp trying desperately to escape to Heaven. We probably need alarms for the windows as well.

[Back against wall]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

I have a query. My friends wear quite lively fabric—supplied & sewn by me to make sure it's all single fibre—but could this be confused with bling?

My dear Ms Mitza

The True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ has 4 key elements;


True Christian Skin Tone Uber System™
True Christian Munitions Detector™
True Christian Religion Detector™
True Christian Decals Detector™


All of these individual systems work in conjunction with the other. It would serve God no justice if we were to randomly condemn undesirables to death via horrible depreciating diseases. Who would there be left to save for Jesus?
A "friend" would be wise to remember that approaching your home with their face covered would be both suspicious and unsociable and most possibly painfully fatal. Again as mentioned earlier the built in "Friend or Foe Facial Recognition Software™" would ensure that your colorful friends are seen safe to your door.

The True Christian Blood Mist™ has variable settings. One may set the system to immediately discharge the Blood Mist™ or if one desired, have the system discharge at a specified distance as set by the user. There is also a manual mode which can be used by either Remote Control™ or by a button at your front door.

As the True Christian Blood Mist™ contains a potent mixture of disease and Hydrofluoric Acid 1611™© The system is designed to force an assailant (or undesirable) to a safe distance from your home by way of a Penetrating Irritable Sound System™ and an Offensive Force Field which works by activating good Christian music which is known to cause non Christians to retreat in a confused state of bewilderment and awe. Thus protecting you home from being damaged.

I hope I have addressed your concerns. You truly are quite lovely Ms Mitza, I don't know if I have ever told you that.
Mrs Wall died this morning returning from checking on our bee's when she failed to remove her beekeepers hat and facial mask, the system rightly confused he as being an undesirable. I believe it was a heart attack due to the shock of the experience. It really is quite inconvenient.

One more thing. I am hoping that this system will be approved and accepted by the Freehold Security Council and the Mayor of Freehold. I plan on supplying the True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ free of charge to the Mayor of Freehold and its community in exchange for a right to citizenship in the good city of Freehold. All True Christians can obtain this system for a token sum (or donation for tax purposes)

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Brother Back, sir, my husband asks whether the system can be modified to deal with local conditions. For example, our main worry is hordes of marauding Jehovah's Witlesses, who seem undeterred by this:


Perhaps they are illiterate, but stronger measures than our boys' imaginative system of tripwires are now called for.

We have little problem with atheists, thanks to this:



Such cowards, atheists.


Wow, he gets it! Well done, my little cardboard-cutlass wielding friend!

Dear Mrs Lytton-Vasey. I trust you and your good husband are doing well.

To answer your question, the True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ comes complete with Audible warnings for the dimm witted as well as the ability to detect the common dress code of Satanic worshipers like the Mormrons and Jehovah's Witlesses. Again, with each of the 4 systems working in conjunction with the other, you can rest assured that you can & will be free from scum.
Atheists are best dealt with manually so as to evaluate the possibilities of saving their souls.

Please don't hesitate to relay any future concerns Mr Lytton-Vasey may have.

A very fine day to you Sister Joanna

Originally Posted by Roland

If you had paid attention you should know I am already working on that.

Originally Posted by Roland

It would surprise me if people didn´t have better things to do than remember what I´ve said. Nonetheless you make a lousy argument when you state something that could be easily proven irrelevant merely by reading a few posts back.

I would ask you to keep a civil tongue and fair attitude when addressing good True Christian™ Women. I trust an apology will follow. Please remember that you are privileged to be here and have so far been considered as one who could be saved.

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

I have a clarification question here regarding the DECAL DETECTOR™, does this device detect the presence of tattoos? If yes, then I think we have a winner here - there will be overwhelming market acceptance.

If venture capital is needed here, I'm sure our very own Free Market Fred can provide some assistance.

Brother William. Most certainly. Tattoos were the building block for the True Christian Decals Detector™ Be advised that facial tattoos are instantly identified as an "UBER ALERT" and the undesirable is automatically sprayed.

As per your mention of funding. My road Design Company, being the main contract holder for the Department of Roads in OzTrailer coupled with the earnings of a past design of mine "OzTrailer Bogan Repellent™" has catered for all production and design costs.

As mentioned earlier;

I am hoping that this system will be approved and accepted by the Freehold Security Council and the Mayor of Freehold. I plan on supplying the True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ free of charge to the Mayor of Freehold and its community in exchange for a right to citizenship in the good city of Freehold. All True Christians can obtain this system for a token sum (or donation for tax purposes)

Thank you for showing interest and True Christian™ encouragement

Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson

Brother BAW, may I please suggest a roof hatch alarm in case we get raptured?

Dr. Laurence Niles also suggests that in case of a rapture, we should leave a few windows ajar so we are not bouncing against them like a wasp trying desperately to escape to Heaven. We probably need alarms for the windows as well.

Ms Daisy. I can't help but reliving the experience of eating your delicious crusty pie every time I see you in forum. please pass on my regards to Brother Ezekiel

These suggestions are really quite brilliant. I believed I had thought of everything and here we are, making additions already. Thank you so much.
The True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ has gone through vigorous testing. We staged a (fake) Marylin Manson concert and found that 100% of the attracted audience were sprayed and are now either dead or awaiting Satan to call on them.
To adversely test the system, we set up at a recent seminar with the guest speaker Kirk Cameron and we are happy to say that all but one audience member (whom thought it was the Manson concert) were spared condemnation.

[Alphonse Alban]

My greatest fear has always been rampaging native hordes. Could some sort of blanket dispenser be customized into system, in case of an injun raid? Also few more vials of smallpox would be in great demand. It's really hard to come by these days.

[Back against wall]

Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban

My greatest fear has always been rampaging native hordes. Could some sort of blanket dispenser be customized into system, in case of an injun raid? Also few more vials of smallpox would be in great demand. It's really hard to come by these days.

Brother Alphonse. With a spray length of 12 feet in a 360 degree radius I would suggest (depending on the size of your Freehold Mansion) 4 of these at each side of the house would suffice.
The Blood Mist™ nozzle will spray 360 deg if it has recognised to do so, otherwise it operates at a radius as set by the owner of the system. But when warranted, nobody is spared. (Antidotes are supplied)

Understand that the Blood Mist™ is not an instant death (unlike the recent death of my wife, I think yesterday, who was sprayed by her own stupidity and had a heart attack as a result. Any idea if Ms Mitza is courting anyone?) as this would not allow the true test of faith. God has and always will have the ability to rid the "perpetrator" of anything my system has infected them with.

We are working on a system for exactly the scenario you have presented. In the case of a mass attack your house would go into lockdown, shielding it with impenetrable materials, just as a bank tellers window would when a Niggero attempts a robbery.

As per your mention of smallpox. 4 canasters are in the mail as soon as I can contact the Bio Chemistry unit.
Consider this an act in good faith. Perhaps when my submission to migrate to Freehold comes up at a Town Meeting, you might put in a good word for me.

Regards
BAW