[Old Man Hatchet]

Halloween is fast approaching, and grocery stores and fruit markets will be selling pumpkins and the like. I would like to remind everyone once again that many of these autumn fruit are obscenely-shaped. Observe the unsavory form below.



Only Satan could be responsible for a pecker pumpkin. It is a despicable attempt to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk. I have no doubt that witches also use such devilish gourds for fornication.

The picture below makes my righteous skin crawl. Note how the portly, young man fingers through the pile, contemplating sticking his tallywacker into the gourd orgy, or gourdgy, before him.



Avoid the pitfalls of salacious squash and pornographic pumpkins this autumn. Your soul, and the souls of your loved ones, depend on it.

[christain-goth]

People use them to decorate their house for halloween. Why is every non-godly thing satanic to you guys?

[Old Iron Crotch]

They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.

[SayvedByTheLord]

You could probably sit on that pumpkin and not even feel it Crotch.

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.

[SUV]

I just knew that as soon as Brother Hatchet posted, Old Crotchety was going to show up. Now she's going to get "all hot and bothered" not only by Brother Hatchet himself but by ogling these disgusting, obscene gourds - while thinking about Brother Hatchet.

Crotchety is showing up everywhere here lately; makes me wonder if she hasn't commandeered DogHatAssSpit's plans for RA8 (RAT ATTACK 2008!) - a Rat Attack upon our Godly (and now, Gourdly) message board

[SayvedByTheLord]

No she just has the hots for Brother Hatchet.

I really feel sorry for the persecution he has to endure.

YIC

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by christain-goth

People use them to decorate their house for halloween. Why is every non-godly thing satanic to you guys?

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.

Were you two twins separated at birth?

First: Christ-stain - Hello, it's Halloween - It's the Devil's birthday - can you see why that might be satanic...

OIC: Isn't it you who sees the deep symbolism in everything? May the Lord save us, I've just come from a post where you claim algae have souls! Can you not see how one small seed of thought can corrupt and grow? Was it not Jesus who said something about a mustard tree?

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

rat tails

Brother Hatchet, I Fear™ she is about to hit us with The Whole Rat, and Nothing But the Rat.

I wouldn't even be surprised if she tried to destroy us with the biggest rodent of all:
The "South American Water Hog" which is as big as a Man - The CAPYBARA

Gaze upon the hideous beast after first beeseeching JESUS to protect your eyes:

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

They're just vegetables.

As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:

The squash fruit is classified as a pepo by botanists, which is a special type of berry with a thick outer wall or rind.

For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:



For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.

Who said I was a vegetarian?

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

Who said I was a vegetarian?

I thought you did. Didn't you write once that you make your husband grow all your own fruits and vegetables?

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:

For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.

Brother, next time you may quote me.

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

I would like to remind everyone once again that many of these autumn fruit are obscenely-shaped.

I am always the most reliable source.

[Nobar King]

You're right, Brother Hatchet. I had only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference when I posted the proper definition of this disgusting fruit. You should be commended for knowing the difference between a fruit and a vegetable. Most people don't even know how their food is grown!!

What would our farms be without the local beekeeper?? Nothing!!

(I should say that my bees are NOT rented out to squash growers. There are plenty of other crops to support during the fall.)

[Off Base]

Just curious, if the shape of gourds are so evil and satanic, why did God make them that way?

You people are more sex-obsessed than Hugh Hefner. Seriously, anything even slightly phallic is threatening to you, isn't it?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

I thought you did. Didn't you write once that you make your husband grow all your own fruits and vegetables?

I said I have a vegetable garden and fruit tress in my yard. I didn't say that I was a vegetarian. We eat meat about three meals a week.

[Nobar King]

Even that should qualify you for knowing the difference between a fruit and a vegetable.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

I had only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference when I posted the proper definition of this disgusting fruit.

My quote comes from the very first post in this thread. If you had "only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference," you should have already read my "autumn fruit" statement and therefore used it as your citation.

Originally Posted by Off Base

Just curious, if the shape of gourds are so evil and satanic, why did God make them that way?

God doesn't make them that way. God makes them into wholesome shapes, and the Devil stretches and contorts them into obscene shapes to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk.

I mentioned this in the first post of the thread. Did anybody bother reading it? I am utterly fascinating, people. You should be hanging on every word I write.

Here are some arboreal examples of Satan's hand in God's work:

[Talitha]

It gets much worse Brother Hatchet.

The French, who are well known for mass fornication and Sodomy have invented something to make even innocent Good Christian Vegetables into Satanic and pornographic shapes.

Something called Crudités apparently.
Jesus weeps.

[Off Base]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

My quote comes from the very first post in this thread. If you had "only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference," you should have already read my "autumn fruit" statement and therefore used it as your citation.



God doesn't make them that way. God makes them into wholesome shapes, and the Devil stretches and contorts them into obscene shapes to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk.

Seems to me God gives quite a bit of power to Satan. Were Satan determined to send everyone straight to hell and I were a loving God, I would have him locked up with the key thrown away and give him absolutly no power.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Thank you for this very informative thread Brother Hatchet. Upon further research I've found that most root vegetables are very offensive and are the handiwork of Satan!

I will no longer make my famous carrot raisin salad.