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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-24-2011, 11:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis View Post
Tequila you say, sounds like you had a nest of messicans move in there. I would get the police to check that out, could be a couple still in there under the seats or something..
I got to tell ya if there is a couple of messicants under the back seat, they aint happy. I had the Hummer crushed.
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-24-2011, 11:21 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
I got to tell ya if there is a couple of messicants under the back seat, they aint happy. I had the Hummer crushed.
You had a baby blue Hummer! cool!


1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-25-2011, 04:45 PM

I have made my decision on the matter of the new head of DFAC. After conducting a world wide search, reading thousands of resumes and speaking with Jesus and the Pastors. Brother Harold Porter has been selected. I am sure that Brother Porter will run DFAC in a manor that will please God. He is a devout Christian, the highest of moral fortitude and a darn nice guy. Effective immediately Brother Porter is the face of DFAC, may Jesus guide you in your work.


James Dewitt.
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-25-2011, 05:43 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
I got to tell ya if there is a couple of messicants under the back seat, they aint happy. I had the Hummer crushed.
Don't worry about the messicants. I tipped them off the crushers were coming and they moved into your boat.




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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-25-2011, 07:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
I have made my decision on the matter of the new head of DFAC. After conducting a world wide search, reading thousands of resumes and speaking with Jesus and the Pastors. Brother Harold Porter has been selected. I am sure that Brother Porter will run DFAC in a manor that will please God. He is a devout Christian, the highest of moral fortitude and a darn nice guy. Effective immediately Brother Porter is the face of DFAC, may Jesus guide you in your work.


James Dewitt.
Priase Jesus and thank you for the vote of confidence, my Christian Brother.

I am honored to serve as the CEO/Chairman of the Board and look forward to extending the love of Jesus Christ (through DFAC) to those with disposable income and steaks in the freezer, but no Jesus in their hearts.

The first order of business will be construction of my office in order to create an environment in which I will be my most productive. As we discussed, my time will be split between DFAC and my Landover Senior Outreach program, which reaches out and touches the most vulnerable in society with the love of Jesus Christ. I've already arranged accounts with Freehold Pool and Spa, Agape Home Theater and Landover Leather Interiors. They are instructed to expedite their construction activities.

I've arranged a meeting with my CFO Roger Sweeney to address any unwarranted expenditures or overpriced contracts that we can eliminate in order to preserve capital in this difficult economy. Mr. Sweeney has indicated that he has one set of the books, but you are in posession of a "similar" set. I'm not sure what this means, but your presence is required in his office on the 27th at 7:00 AM in order to reconcile any irregularities in our accounting.

Praise be to God!

Sincerely,

Harold Porter


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-25-2011, 09:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
I've arranged a meeting with my CFO Roger Sweeney to address any unwarranted expenditures or overpriced contracts that we can eliminate in order to preserve capital in this difficult economy. Mr. Sweeney has indicated that he has one set of the books, but you are in posession of a "similar" set. I'm not sure what this means, but your presence is required in his office on the 27th at 7:00 AM in order to reconcile any irregularities in our accounting.

Congratulations, Brother Porter, I'm pleased to see your steady hand about to take the tiller, ready to guide this newly-launched ship into safe and productive waters. Brother James made a fine choice.

The only disconsolate note in your acceptance is that dealing with the "similar" sets of books. I sincerely hope this pesky little issue can resolved to the parties mutual satisfaction rather than be played out in the public eye.

And here, of course, I refer to estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre, a legal principle often cited in cases where accounting is an issue. But, I'm sure you are already familiar with such things.

Should you or Mr. Sweeney (it seems strange that you didn't refer to him as "Brother" Sweeney. Is this a way of saying that this person is not a True Christian™? And the name Sweeney strikes me as more of the drunken Irish persuasion as opposed to a shifty jooish one) need further guidance in this matter, I would refer you to State v Slikbooks, Inc., 1962, 2nd District.

In that case, Bernard Maddov, CEO of Slikbooks, Inc, provided accounting guidance to the Little Sisters of the Poor, a charity involved in rehabilitating besotted sailors who had been press-ganged into service off the Somali coast.

Millions had been donated to the charity for its outreach program. The problem was Slikbooks and Maddov had a longer reach than the Little Sisters and, according to court testimony, "reached deeply into the pants of the Little Sisters" and "cleaned out their knickers" before they knew what happened. Maddov, of course, was hanged and his CFO ended up doing hard time with a cellmate known among the yard gang as "Little" Richard - a play on words, as it were.

Now, I'm very sure, the issue between you and Brother James isn't all that serious, but I'm pleased you're taking "due diligence" in assuming the post.

With that, Brother Porter, I wish you smooth sailing, and keep the wind at your back.


The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-26-2011, 06:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Thanks so much for the input. I will have to take a pass on the widow. I have been in touch with a few people in private. I have narrowed it down to 2 or 3 people. As for the Amway dealer(Yes I know who you mean). Lets just say this do not store your Hummer limo at his trailer park.
Apparently, you don't. You just hired him.

Let me know when you wish to pick up the pieces. Widow Helen and I are both good at putting financial Humpty Dumpties together again.


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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-26-2011, 04:01 PM

Quote:
Rev. M. Rodimer;682674]Apparently, you don't. You just hired him.
I thought you where talking about a certain Judge, my bad.

Quote:
Let me know when you wish to pick up the pieces. Widow Helen and I are both good at putting financial Humpty Dumpties together again
Rev. how would you have the time necessary for the job? You are on the road with truckers Evey day

Did you really think that I would hire a woman to run DFAC? Come on REV. think about it. She would have unfettered access to well over 1 billion dollars. That's a lot of shoes.
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-26-2011, 04:34 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
I thought you where talking about a certain Judge, my bad.
Are you mocking a member of the entrepreneurial class?

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post

You are on the road with truckers Evey day
More likely spending a lot of time in truck stops. Spreading the word of Jesus, of course.


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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-26-2011, 05:40 PM

Quote:
HTannor;682813]Are you mocking a member of the entrepreneurial class?
Who me? No way.
When are you going to cough up the $250 large that you ran up on my AM express card?



Quote:
More likely spending a lot of time in truck stops. Spreading the word of Jesus, of course
You bet, nudge, nudge wink, wink.
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-26-2011, 06:25 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Who me? No way.
When are you going to cough up the $250 large that you ran up on my AM express card?

.
The messicans living in your boat are paying me 75 bucks a month to rent it. I'll forward it to you.


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James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-27-2011, 05:35 PM

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Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
The messicans living in your boat are paying me 75 bucks a month to rent it. I'll forward it to you.

Tell me Judge Tannor, do inmates in the Freehold jail just sit around all day? Perhaps a work release program would help.

You send me some criminals in chains to work on mt estate and the bill could be lowered at a much faster rate than 75 bucks a month!
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-27-2011, 08:08 PM

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Tell me Judge Tannor, do inmates in the Freehold jail just sit around all day? Perhaps a work release program would help.

You send me some criminals in chains to work on mt estate and the bill could be lowered at a much faster rate than 75 bucks a month!

Strange you should mention this, Brother James. Just yesterday I discovered to my great dismay, that the prisoners have been coddled of late.

They don't get out of their bunks until nearly 4:30 AM, are given an entire 20 minutes for breakfast, and similar amounts of time for lunch and dinner.

Their work day in the laundry, gardens, and maintenance shops lasts a paltry 12 hours.

When I discovered this I hauled in the chief jailor and sentenced him to six months for contempt of my "hard labor" sentences.

Why, yes, I do believe we can arrive at the arrangement you suggest. I will hand down longer sentences and ship them off to you. I will tell the city officials I have found a way to save a great deal of the money they budget for lunch meat, day-old bread, and such. You will feed them, won't you?


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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-28-2011, 04:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
Strange you should mention this, Brother James. Just yesterday I discovered to my great dismay, that the prisoners have been coddled of late.

They don't get out of their bunks until nearly 4:30 AM, are given an entire 20 minutes for breakfast, and similar amounts of time for lunch and dinner.

Their work day in the laundry, gardens, and maintenance shops lasts a paltry 12 hours.

When I discovered this I hauled in the chief jailor and sentenced him to six months for contempt of my "hard labor" sentences.

Why, yes, I do believe we can arrive at the arrangement you suggest. I will hand down longer sentences and ship them off to you. I will tell the city officials I have found a way to save a great deal of the money they budget for lunch meat, day-old bread, and such. You will feed them, won't you?
Your Honor, I contacted Mayor Hold. Its a done deal.


I guess I can feed them lunch. Bread is cheap at the day old bread store. 1 slice of bologna per inmate!
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-28-2011, 04:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Rev. how would you have the time necessary for the job? You are on the road with truckers Evey day
Nonsense. I do road trips once every couple of months! Where did you get such a ridiculous idea?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-28-2011, 04:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Nonsense. I do road trips once every couple of months! Where did you get such a ridiculous idea?
Before I left for the Keys, I ran into Widow Helen at the gas station. She told me that you spend hours every day in the cab with the truckers, so I just assumed she meant that you are on the road a lot. What did she mean?
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-28-2011, 05:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
Before I left for the Keys, I ran into Widow Helen at the gas station. She told me that you spend hours every day in the cab with the truckers, so I just assumed she meant that you are on the road a lot. What did she mean?
Of course not. There's a truck stop just outside North Salem, and I often go there to witness . . . I've already witnessed to everyone in town, multiple times. There are new men, desperately hungry to taste the Love of Jesus, driving their trucks in every single day! What an opportunity for Jesus!

You really should come for a visit and let me show you the ropes, Brother James. After seeing you in action at one of Pastor Zeke's Men's Prayer Circles, I have no doubt you'd catch on right quick!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 01-28-2011, 05:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Of course not. There's a truck stop just outside North Salem, and I often go there to witness . . . I've already witnessed to everyone in town, multiple times. There are new men, desperately hungry to taste the Love of Jesus, driving their trucks in every single day! What an opportunity for Jesus!

You really should come for a visit and let me show you the ropes, Brother James. After seeing you in action at one of Pastor Zeke's Men's Prayer Circles, I have no doubt you'd catch on right quick!
I think I may take you up on the offer. I must say that in one of Pastor Zekes prayer sessions he has a way of getting a rise out of the most stanch heathen.
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 02-02-2011, 03:46 AM

Brother James,

Thank you for attending the meeting with my new CFO. We are close to reconciling the accounting discrepancies for DFAC. However, I do have a few follow up questions.

1.) The 2010 Dewitt Outreach Function in Las Vegas indicates an expenditure of 2.3 million dollars, but there is no record of transactions anywhere near this amount. I am in receipt of the "Funions" and "Pepsi" vending machine purchases, but have nothing else. Kindly provide records of such extravagant purchase.

2.) The wet operating cost of the Gulfstream V cannot possibly be the $50,000 per hour that you claim. The Boeing 747-400 costs just a fraction of this, and this is with a full crew.

Sincerely in Christ,

Harold Porter

CEO - DFAC Ministries


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Benedict A. Davis Benedict A. Davis is offline
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Default Re: DFAC Office Building slated to open June 1, 2011 - 02-02-2011, 09:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt View Post
I think I may take you up on the offer.
Brother James, After reading the last post I thought I might edit your response to my offer for winter work in your new endeavor. Seems like there are a lot of silly ''questions'' coming from your 1st choice, if you know what I mean.


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Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

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