Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 609
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
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My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-07-2012, 08:23 PM
I have an urgent problem. My new neighbor is a terminator. He talks exactly like a robot (monotonic voice), because he is obviously a robot disguised to look like a human. I am pretty sure he is programmed to annihilate mankind, or at least perform an abortion (read: punch the belly) on a random woman that is supposed to give birth to a resistance leader.
I have no idea which cult would bring this mechanical monster into my city, maybe Scientology, Apple, Aum Shrin Kyu or that Korean Moon worship cult. What should I do?
These are the options I can think of right now:
* Hijack the robot and try to disassemble it.
* Hire a next door computer wizard to hack into the robot OS.
* Coordinate a communion prayer effort to protect innocent people.
* Alert the police.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 414
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In the South of the North
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-07-2012, 09:27 PM
I would go for option number 2; re-program the robot. Program it to spread the word of God. As a robot, it shouldn’t be obliged to obey secular law (as described in 1st Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7, not a man and no soul). A killer robot, not having to follow secular law, executing the commands of the KJV 1611 Bible… It’s something appealing about that thought.
Stop whining
(1 Thessalonians 5:18) - In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
(1 Corinthians 10:10) - Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer
(Psalm 106:25) - But murmured in their tents, And hearkened not unto the voice of the LORD
(Ephesians 4:29) - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 1
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: God's Holy Crib
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 03:47 AM
My brother! You must retreat far far away from this source of sin and corrupt essence! This surely be the work of Lucifer and his damned dreaded minions "scientists". Brother if escape is not an option I regret to inform you that you will be tainted by the essence and you will need to perform self purification in which you will go on a journey to meet the Lord himself. Tomorrow please begin the ceremony. First take a container of sheep blood. Smear the holy blood onto your face and chest. For then you can carefully cut your own throat and be on your way to God. IF you are a true believe of God then you will do this or you will be deemed a coward and an obvious enemy of God. Good luck to you brother. May your journey be righteous and swift.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 05:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Pablo
...yada yada yada...
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Blah blah intro forum.
Blah blah blah your church, favourite Scripture, blah blah blah.
Blah.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 10:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Pablo
For then you can carefully cut your own throat and be on your way to God.
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While I always applaud annoying people making the world a better place by killing themselves, it should be noted suicide is not allowed and will end with eternal damnation in Hell.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 11:35 AM
I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 11:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
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What?
Are the internets in the Bible(KJV1611)?
Think on, missy!
YIC
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-08-2012, 11:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
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I can assure you that Lukasekman is not on LSD. Only liberals hippies and college professors use hallucinogens.
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Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-09-2012, 12:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence Niles
What?
Are the internets in the Bible(KJV1611)?
Think on, missy!
YIC
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No, I don't believe in the internet either.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-09-2012, 01:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
No, I don't believe in the internet either.
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What kind of retard comment is that? You do realize that we are having this discussion on the internets, right?
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 609
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-12-2012, 05:27 PM
Another neighbor of mine told me today that the robot might be an actual human with autism. Sounds like bull to me. No way that a virus can transform a human being into a mechanical killing machine. I'm sure even a*tists realize that humans are born while robots are built.
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Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-17-2012, 08:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth
What kind of retard comment is that? You do realize that we are having this discussion on the internets, right?
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I thought I was just talking to my Bible.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: My neighbor is a terminator! -
11-17-2012, 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
I thought I was just talking to my Bible.
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Why would you be talking to your Bible? You should be listening.
(Proverbs 19:20) "Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end."
YiC,
Zech
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