[Bro Izzy]

I have taken this from another forum I use, Hence I am sorry about the caps lock. Obviously the kids who gave these answer need a good thrashing for not knowing their bible.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED UNITED STATES THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

[snottyduck]

Did they state how old these kids were??

[eliot mayfield]

See what happens when God is taken out of the classroom???

[Bro Izzy]

Originally Posted by snottyduck

Did they state how old these kids were??

If they were old enough to write they are old enough to know the right answers !
There is nothing that couldn't be rectified here with a good thrashing and numerous hours of bible study

[snottyduck]

Mehhh, everybody makes mistakes, the only thing is that you have to learn from your mistakes.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by snottyduck

Mehhh, everybody makes mistakes, the only thing is that you have to learn from your mistakes.

How ironic. You've made nothing but mistakes all your life, yet here you are, still damned to Hell because you haven't learned from them. You are not Smarter Than a 5th Grade Homeschooler.

[Talitha]

Those answers just had to be from kids forced to be brainwashed in a "modern" school.
I was Home schooled and look how I ended up

[revrggreen]

Originally Posted by snottyduck

Did they state how old these kids were??

What does it matter? Every single one of those kids are going straight to Hell for that! Try to show some sympathy, jackass!

[VictoryOS]

I agree with Whitney Houston when she says that children are our future - for better or for worse! So now we have proof of the Godless future we have in store for us. I hope the liberals are happy.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by VictoryOS

I agree with Whitney Houston when she says that children are our future - for better or for worse! So now we have proof of the Godless future we have in store for us. I hope the liberals are happy.

Right you are, Sister. Doubtless, those children will grow up to be hippy-dippy liberal "Christians" who think that God's holy commandments about slaves, rape victims, and other important matters were "meant allegorically" or some such nonsense.