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Default The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-13-2006, 01:44 PM

We all know the story of Jesus' birthday guests. Yes, I refer to the three wise men of yore, discussed in the book of Matthew, chapter 2. I wonder if any of you have thought deeply about the gifts they bore.

When Caspar, Balthazar and Melchior arrived at the manger on the first Christmas, they set a precedent that would withstand the test of time for every Christmas to come. Most of the gifts they brought were, at first glance, terrible.

Caspar, what were you thinking? Myrrh? The resin from a tiny shrub was used for embalming. It would be like presenting your bundle of joy with Dr. Science's Junior Mortuary Kit.

Balthazar hardly did better. His gift of frankincense was the first of many billions of thoughtless perfume presents. If you want to show someone you love them and have less than a minute to shop, buy them perfume or cologne.

But fortunately for Caspar and Balthazar, Melchior came through. The third king presented the Christ child with the gift that classical economics has long suggested is best: gold. In other words, he gave the baby Jesus the money. This was the first Tithe offered to Jesus directly, and it was on Christmas day.

This year, instead of running out and buying a bunch of worthless junk for your children for Christmas, why not celebrate the way the wisest of the three wise men did? Send Jesus some gold. The Paypal button awaits, and Jesus is waiting to see how generous you can be.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-13-2006, 06:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
We all know the story of Jesus' birthday guests. Yes, I refer to the three wise men of yore, discussed in the book of Matthew, chapter 2. I wonder if any of you have thought deeply about the gifts they bore.

When Caspar, Balthazar and Melchior arrived at the manger on the first Christmas, they set a precedent that would withstand the test of time for every Christmas to come. Most of the gifts they brought were, at first glance, terrible.

Caspar, what were you thinking? Myrrh? The resin from a tiny shrub was used for embalming. It would be like presenting your bundle of joy with Dr. Science's Junior Mortuary Kit.

Balthazar hardly did better. His gift of frankincense was the first of many billions of thoughtless perfume presents. If you want to show someone you love them and have less than a minute to shop, buy them perfume or cologne.

But fortunately for Caspar and Balthazar, Melchior came through. The third king presented the Christ child with the gift that classical economics has long suggested is best: gold. In other words, he gave the baby Jesus the money. This was the first Tithe offered to Jesus directly, and it was on Christmas day.

This year, instead of running out and buying a bunch of worthless junk for your children for Christmas, why not celebrate the way the wisest of the three wise men did? Send Jesus some gold. The Paypal button awaits, and Jesus is waiting to see how generous you can be.
Praise The Lord© Pastor
As well as my Platinum Tithe, I've donated an extra large sum to help buy Baby Jesus an extra special "something" for his Birthday.

Come on, who's next?



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-13-2006, 08:13 PM

I'm taking Him out to Dinner!

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Default Re: The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-14-2006, 09:51 PM

Don't forget the Pampers!

If not for Baby Jesus, get them for Baby Ubaldo, or Baby Carmen, or Baby Ependira . . . Or any other Baby living in a barn with carpenters and "virgins" and animals.
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Default Re: The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-15-2006, 09:14 AM

Pampers??? Are you out of your mind???? You think Joesph would have allowed that? Huggies? No way! Joesph wouldn't have allowed Jesus to wear those. That's why there are so many Homers running around today! Babies wear homer diapers!
Back in Jesus's day, babies wore a leather diaper full of grass and leaves. If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for your kid too!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: The Three Wise Men and Appropriate Christmas Gifts - 12-15-2006, 07:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for your kid too!
I don't have kids anymore.

Some Wicker or Payagain (Rachael, I'm looking at YOU) stole them and made them into pies.
 

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