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Reload this Page "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!
WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke!

 
 
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Is it true that that's what you vegans eat instead of having a nice normal fried egg with your bacon in the morning like decent people do? You disgust and terrify me in equal measure.

1- I'm not vergan.
2 - Vegans don't eat eggs of any kind, including human eggs. And of course they don't eat bacon.
3 - If a person did wish to eat human eggs, it would take a lot of them to make a meal, since they are only about a millimeter in diameter. And since a woman generally only ovulates one egg at a time, it seems to me that collecting enough human ova to make a meal would be exremely labor-intensive. If you want lots of tiny eggs for breakfast, have caviar.
3 - You disgust me, but you don't frighten me.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
1- I'm not vergan.
2 - Vegans don't eat eggs of any kind, including human eggs. And of course they don't eat bacon.
3 - If a person did wish to eat human eggs, it would take a lot of them to make a meal, since they are only about a millimeter in diameter. And since a woman generally only ovulates one egg at a time, it seems to me that collecting enough human ova to make a meal would be exremely labor-intensive. If you want lots of tiny eggs for breakfast, have caviar.
3 - You disgust me, but you don't frighten me.
4 - All those periods you've been eating have obviously robbed you of your ability to count.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
4 - All those periods you've been eating have obviously robbed you of your ability to count.
I added another item and forgot to re-number, and you lot have disabled my ability to edit, so I couldn't fix it.
That doesn't change the truth of the information I posted.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
I added another item and forgot to re-number, and you lot have disabled my ability to edit...
Who disabled your ability to think? You seem even duller than most females, so I suppose God must have cursed you with spasticism as punishment for the sin of witchcraft.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
1- I'm not vergan.
Well, I hardly think anyone is after having heard her "sing"



I am so revulsed at the rest of what this one who lifts her leg to pee all over our Godly board has stated that I will not even re-print it to respond to it. I nearly hurled Right into my platter of bacon & eggs & biskits Southern style (with the chunky gray Gravy)
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Well, I hardly think anyone is after having heard her "sing"



I am so revulsed at the rest of what this one who lifts her leg to pee all over our Godly board has stated that I will not even re-print it to respond to it. I nearly hurled Right into my platter of bacon & eggs & biskits Southern style (with the chunky gray Gravy)

I meant to type "vegan."

Fergie isn't my style either.

Since your board only exists in cyberspace, and my bladder only exists in physical space, it's impossible for me to physically pee on your board.

Guess your gravy was even chunkier after you puked, eh?


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
It's impossible for me to physically pee on your board.
That sounds like the voice of experience speaking. How long did you spend trying?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-02-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
That sounds like the voice of experience speaking. How long did you spend trying?

I haven't spent any time trying - I prefer to pee in toilets.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 03:45 AM

If I know anything about sex, it's that it should be awkward, emotionless, and joyless for both man and woman. I liken sex to a fire extinguisher...the glass should be broken and the extinguisher used only when it's time to procreate. For example, when you need another son to help you in the fields.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 12:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith View Post
If I know anything about sex, it's that it should be awkward, emotionless, and joyless for both man and woman. I liken sex to a fire extinguisher...the glass should be broken and the extinguisher used only when it's time to procreate. For example, when you need another son to help you in the fields.
EXCELLENT


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 03:50 PM

Than why did God make it feel good?
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 04:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex_B View Post
Than why did God make it feel good?
He created the "climax" so negroes would know when to stop humping.

Who said it feels good?




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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 04:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
He created the "climax" so negroes would know when to stop humping.

Who said it feels good?

If it doesn't feel good, you're doing it wrong.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
He created the "climax" so negroes would know when to stop humping.

Who said it feels good?
I guess you told her, Sister Thumper

Get ready to run if she begins quoting that joo Co-hen again. JESUS!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 04:25 PM

Were you talking about me or "Lumpy"? Because if it was me, I am a man. Not a woman.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 04:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex_B View Post
Were you talking about me or "Lumpy"? Because if it was me, I am a man. Not a woman.
You quote Co-hen too?

Sweet Cheeses, is there no Mercy at all to be found at all on this board today?
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 09:03 PM

Ah, this discussion brings back such sweet memories of my "first time."

I have to admit, I was a bit of a klutz that night. Both of us were, but I think it was more difficult for Daisy Mae. She wasn't real willing to do the deed. In fact, she wasn't real willing to get married in the first place, seeing how she was just 13. But her parents needed the money real bad after their farm went bust, so $2000 later and it was all agreed. Daisy Mae put up a fuss at first, but after me and my brothers forced her to swallow a full jug of Thunderbird (the funnel helped), she calmed down. I did have a little trouble with her a few hours later when she woke up, naked and tied to the bed, but fortunately I kept a baseball bat nearby (an old trick I learned from my daddy) - a few little "love taps" and she shut right up.

It was such a romantic night - I'll never forget it. Daisy Mae sure never forgot it - after her self-induced abortion, she escaped and has been going 'round the country giving speeches to those feminazi groups, telling them all the personal details of our lovely wedding night. I'd like to whoop her ass if I ever see her again, though that probably won't happen due to the lesbian body guards she's now got. All I can do is pray that she'll accept Jesus and come back to me, the only True Christian man who ever loved her.

Maybe some of you LandOver ladies can give me some advice on how I can win her heart back. If it wasn't for the restraining order, I'd slip her some roofies and bring her home.

YIC,
Buford


yours in Christ,
Brother Buford



The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 09:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins View Post
Ah, this discussion brings back such sweet memories of my "first time."

I have to admit, I was a bit of a klutz that night. Both of us were, but I think it was more difficult for Daisy Mae. She wasn't real willing to do the deed. In fact, she wasn't real willing to get married in the first place, seeing how she was just 13. But her parents needed the money real bad after their farm went bust, so $2000 later and it was all agreed. Daisy Mae put up a fuss at first, but after me and my brothers forced her to swallow a full jug of Thunderbird (the funnel helped), she calmed down. I did have a little trouble with her a few hours later when she woke up, naked and tied to the bed, but fortunately I kept a baseball bat nearby (an old trick I learned from my daddy) - a few little "love taps" and she shut right up.

It was such a romantic night - I'll never forget it. Daisy Mae sure never forgot it - after her self-induced abortion, she escaped and has been going 'round the country giving speeches to those feminazi groups, telling them all the personal details of our lovely wedding night. I'd like to whoop her ass if I ever see her again, though that probably won't happen due to the lesbian body guards she's now got. All I can do is pray that she'll accept Jesus and come back to me, the only True Christian man who ever loved her.

Maybe some of you LandOver ladies can give me some advice on how I can win her heart back. If it wasn't for the restraining order, I'd slip her some roofies and bring her home.

YIC,
Buford
So you forced a child to marry against her will, poisoned her, tied her up, raped her, and beat her senseless, and you call that love?
No wonder she left you.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 09:39 PM

Its good not to be tied down by religion. Im able to express love how I want, why would 'god' have a rule about not have sex before marriage? Im 16, having sex with my girlfriend, and wait for it... Im not burning! I think ye're just missing out! Cmon, live your life!
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Default Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only! - 06-03-2008, 09:45 PM

Oh, look at you two, kissy-kissy
 

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