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Reload this Page Introducing post!
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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(#21)
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Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-27-2013, 02:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo View Post

Maybe I make donation to church? You know, a little something to sweeten the wheels of progress!
I'm sure we could work something out. You people hate queers as much as we do, so there's that.



Have your interpreter call our team of joo lawyers in the morning and we'll work out the drop donation details.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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(#22)
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Mary Etheldreda's Avatar
Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-27-2013, 05:59 AM

Do you know how the Chinese decide what name to give their children?

They throw a cooking pot down some stairs.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Mr. Sam Woo's Avatar
Mr. Sam Woo Mr. Sam Woo is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-27-2013, 08:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'm sure we could work something out. You people hate queers as much as we do, so there's that.



Have your interpreter call our team of joo lawyers in the morning and we'll work out the drop donation details.
OK buddy, now you talk my language! You good guy Pastor Ezekiel! You tell me where to send donation!

Hey, you need household help? I can get you maid. You need nanny to watch your kid? I get!
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-28-2013, 12:30 AM

OK, I got a problem. Somebody come to my door today to talk about Jesus. Him say salvation is gift you can't earn. Him say Jesus pay for it already and give it to everybody free of charge!

This can't be good thing! I raised Buddhist and Confucian. You know what Confucious name mean? Confucious = Kung Fu Tzu. Kung Fu mean hard work!

Buddha say you have to earn merit! Work hard to improve yourself!

I worry this Christianity make everybody lazy. No good if you all just lay around and let Jesus do work for you! You get lazy and soft like my nephew Jimmy! Him no damn good!
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-28-2013, 10:16 AM

Being a Christian is very hard work, Mr. Woo. I don't know if you've ever been persecuted, but let me tell you, it's exhausting.


WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-28-2013, 11:32 AM

Mister Woo, the path of a True Christian is narrow, long and rocky. It is riddled with temptation and obstacles.
We have to live a life in accordance to the Bible in a world that is ruled by Satan.
It isn't easy. Only some of us make it look easy like Pastor Zeke.


I Samuel 20:4
"Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee."
This is not a reference of a homosexual relationship but a friendship of depth and platonic commitment! Why must liiebrals always make everything sound so DIRTY!?
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JustGotSaved JustGotSaved is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-28-2013, 01:26 PM

Mr Woo.

Maybe you help me.
Hoo is General Tso? Me arways wonder. Why he arways make chicken so spicy?

Him some commie like chairman Mao?

Raughing Out Roud.

---
Oh, i think i'll stop talking jap now. Just trying to make you feel welcome. Was kinda fun for a bit there--maybe i'll do it the rest of the day around the Mission i work in. It'll be funny. "Whos that Jap-speaking freak?" the homeless bums will all say. RoR!


Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-28-2013, 10:08 PM

That pretty funny, JustGotSaved! You funny guy! I not Japanese though. Japanese and Chinese very different. We HATE Japs. Hate them because they think they better than everybody.

Also we hate them because of Rape of Nanking.

You hear about that?

Bunch of Japanese soldiers come to China and all of a suddenly, all our women start acting like whores!

Very embarrassing, very shameful for China.
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BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-29-2013, 05:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo View Post
That pretty funny, JustGotSaved! You funny guy! I not Japanese though. Japanese and Chinese very different. We HATE Japs. Hate them because they think they better than everybody.

Also we hate them because of Rape of Nanking.

You hear about that?

Bunch of Japanese soldiers come to China and all of a suddenly, all our women start acting like whores!

Very embarrassing, very shameful for China.
Wow, so the Japanese come over and all of a sudden the women want to be whores, as opposed to staying with their men who need to eat rhino horn and tiger penis to get it up.

Huh, I wonder how that happened.

As for Jap or Chink, I can't tell them apart. Other than the chinks deep fry everything and the Japs don't cook things at all.


Drama queen
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-29-2013, 08:28 AM

Chink is very bad word! You call me Chinese, OK? You can tell Chinese from Japs because Chinese always working hard (except my nephew Jimmy), but Japs just like to watch porno cartoon all day and then go out and rape little girls.
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WilliamJenningsBryan WilliamJenningsBryan is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-29-2013, 08:43 AM

Hey Woo, I have a question for you. I ordered Singapore Rice Noodles in one of your countrymen's restaurants while on a trip to Des Moines recently. I found out that the damn dish has curry in it. When did you chinks start borrowing cuisine from the dot heads?


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Mr. Sam Woo Mr. Sam Woo is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 03-29-2013, 08:52 AM

Curry? That no good! Specially at my age! You know what happen if I eat curry? Bad thing happen!
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-01-2013, 07:05 AM

Pastor Zeke, I have question. I want to get all benefit of Platinum Tither, but it cost too much. What if I set up automatic debit at Gold Tithe price? Authomatic, you get your money every month, guarantee. I do that, you give me Platinum membership, OK?
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-01-2013, 03:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo View Post
Pastor Zeke, I have question. I want to get all benefit of Platinum Tither, but it cost too much. What if I set up automatic debit at Gold Tithe price? Authomatic, you get your money every month, guarantee. I do that, you give me Platinum membership, OK?
You cannot fool God! (Proverbs 15:3, Acts 1:24)


5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-02-2013, 04:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo View Post
Pastor Zeke, I have question. I want to get all benefit of Platinum Tither, but it cost too much. What if I set up automatic debit at Gold Tithe price? Authomatic, you get your money every month, guarantee. I do that, you give me Platinum membership, OK?
Brother Cranky is right. Trying to jew God out of His just Tithing is a serious sin.

Quote:
Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-02-2013, 04:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Sam Woo View Post
OK, I got a problem. Somebody come to my door today to talk about Jesus. Him say salvation is gift you can't earn. Him say Jesus pay for it already and give it to everybody free of charge!

This can't be good thing! I raised Buddhist and Confucian. You know what Confucious name mean? Confucious = Kung Fu Tzu. Kung Fu mean hard work!

Buddha say you have to earn merit! Work hard to improve yourself!

I worry this Christianity make everybody lazy. No good if you all just lay around and let Jesus do work for you! You get lazy and soft like my nephew Jimmy! Him no damn good!
Let me guess, you're originally from Hong Kong, right?

Have you looked at the Diamond Sutra lately? Earning merit is no merit because there is no merit to be earned.
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-02-2013, 04:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MilitantModerate View Post

Have you looked at the Diamond Sutra lately? Earning merit is no merit because there is no merit to be earned.
Must you always sound like a depressing fortune cookie?
Try quoting the Godly KJV for a change.


Luke 5:31
And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick
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MilitantImbecile is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MilitantImbecile is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MilitantImbecile is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MilitantImbecile is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MilitantImbecile is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-02-2013, 04:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nurse Clampett View Post
Must you always sound like a depressing fortune cookie?
Try quoting the Godly KJV for a change.
Ecclesiastes 1:2
Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-02-2013, 06:58 PM

Great,

So last week was retard week and this week is turning into chink week.

Are we ever going to have a True Christian™ week around here?


Drama queen
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Default Re: Introducing post! - 04-03-2013, 04:10 AM

BelieverInGod is extremely right, we must focus in the True Christians and in our beloved Jesus and not in some people trying to mislead us from him.
Psalms 119:2


Proverbs 3:6 - "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (KJV)
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