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Default Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-04-2015, 05:46 PM

As you know, the LORD GOD has blessed me with a lucrative business that takes me out of Freehold quite often.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I have noticed the prices of gasoline drop quite a bit. In fact. I was able to fill the Escalade for less than $50 last week, when it had been almost $70 for the longest time. I was thrilled at the sign advertising fuel for only $1.90 less than 5 miles from Freehold. I'm curious about something, however:

Here in lovely Freehold - God's Favorite City - we have two choices for fuel. They are the "Zeke" convenience stores and the full-service "Flint" stations. One of the Zeke stores is located just inside the gates and the current price of regular is $6.99 per gallon. The Flint station a few blocks away had it for $7.50 last time I drove by. I also noticed that we aren't included in apps like Gas Buddy. Is there something special about our fuel?

Perhaps a man can assist me with understanding this. When I asked the attendant at the Flint station, he got very quiet and pointed to a camera in the corner. (Glory to God for safety and security!)


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-04-2015, 05:55 PM

Dear Sister Naomi who is truly blessed by our Lord,
Since you have travel to different States for your pie business, why don't you invest in a private jet? So many men of God (like Benny Hinn) have their own private jet. Why not Sister Naomi? You certainly deserve it! Why, I can see it now! A beautiful jet with Naomi's Pie logo on it! Not only will it save time for you, but you will also be witnessing to all who see it! Praise Jesus!


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Deuteronomy 4:2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
***There are 613 commandments given in the Old Testament***
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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-04-2015, 06:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaptistBethany View Post
Dear Sister Naomi who is truly blessed by our Lord,
Since you have travel to different States for your pie business, why don't you invest in a private jet? So many men of God (like Benny Hinn) have their own private jet. Why not Sister Naomi? You certainly deserve it! Why, I can see it now! A beautiful jet with Naomi's Pie logo on it! Not only will it save time for you, but you will also be witnessing to all who see it! Praise Jesus!
Dearest Bethany,

My, how you DO go on. I will pray about this and if the LORD wills, I will name my airplane Bethany, after you!

In Jesus,
NRL


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-04-2015, 08:22 PM

Dear Mrs. Lamb.

I've never had a possibility to visit blessed Freehold, but we had a discussion about gas stations and cars some time ago.

Maybe situation has changed - or I think it is useful for you to buy Landover gas because you travel to sinful world. Of course Landover gas is necessary there to protect your driving.

Anyway, opinions in the linked discussion were from women. Some Man living in Freehold can surely give you right information.
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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-05-2015, 03:05 AM

You folks do realize that Zeke prays over every tanker of gas, right? Not only that, I've heard from good sources that none of the fuel in Freehold is handled at any point by raghead terrorists. You're paying for quality as well as quantity, and you can't put a price tag on prayer.


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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-05-2015, 04:39 AM

The price also includes a tithe, not only for the tin tithers, but also for the platinum tithers who could well afford to tithe more, but don't.


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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-05-2015, 06:02 AM

Brethren and Sisters,

Is all this really necessary? Of course all True Christians™ must support their Church but do True Christians™ really need fuel in their cars? The answer is expectedly "no".

Matthew 10:9
Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses.


This indicates that actual currency is not necessarily the answer to the problem of acquiring adequate goods. After all: Who is the ultimate provider?

1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.


Jesus takes care of us and our needs. But only through our mightiest tool: Prayer!

Psalms 6:9
The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.


I am afraid that the powers of prayer when arranging everyday life are sadly neglected. There is an immense warehouse of benevolence and actual consumer goods stocked in Heaven and God could actually award more positive answers and the actual consumer goods for prayers than there are sincere requests by True Christians™. I have proof! A Hamite pastor of a PENTECOSTAL Chrurch in Africa recently received exactly what we need here: a way to drive a car without fuel! This must be the surplus of God allocated to a sinner to give him a glimpse of God's powers and to get this man to join a real Church™.



Quote:
Pastor Adeboye was coming from Onitsha during the petrol crises when he realized he needed to buy petrol, but there was no petrol in Onitsha. He decided he would try Asaba, but found out also, there was no petrol [petrol is gas in Hamite English, comment by EGW] in Asaba. Continuing his journey, he hoped to buy petrol on reaching Benin, but to his amazement also found out there was no petrol station open for business in Benin, Pastor Adeboye undaunted finally thought he would find petrol to buy at Ore.
By the time he reached Ore, the next stop, his petrol warning light came on, indicating that he was then on reserve supply. At this point Pastor Adeboye said God told him not to look at the petrol gauge, but to continue his journey. Following God’s instruction, Pastor Adeboye continued his journey from Ore, without looking at the fuel gauge, until he got to his residence in Surulere in Lagos.
This is a very moving account of the supernatural, and the very intervention of God himself in making what seems impossible, possible.
If God decides to help a questionable man of Pentecostals in his endeavors, surely He will help a real True Christian™ man (or perhaps even a woman) on a much larger scale! If we ask, we will be provided and instead of recycling (what a nasty concept it is) the tithe trough middle men who take salaries, etc., it can be given straight to LBC.

Praise God!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Fuel Prices in Freehold - 01-05-2015, 09:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Brethren and Sisters,

Is all this really necessary? Of course all True Christians™ must support their Church but do True Christians™ really need fuel in their cars? The answer is expectedly "no".

Matthew 10:9
Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses.


This indicates that actual currency is not necessarily the answer to the problem of acquiring adequate goods. After all: Who is the ultimate provider?

1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.


Jesus takes care of us and our needs. But only through our mightiest tool: Prayer!

Psalms 6:9
The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.


I am afraid that the powers of prayer when arranging everyday life are sadly neglected. There is an immense warehouse of benevolence and actual consumer goods stocked in Heaven and God could actually award more positive answers and the actual consumer goods for prayers than there are sincere requests by True Christians™. I have proof! A Hamite pastor of a PENTECOSTAL Chrurch in Africa recently received exactly what we need here: a way to drive a car without fuel! This must be the surplus of God allocated to a sinner to give him a glimpse of God's powers and to get this man to join a real Church™.



If God decides to help a questionable man of Pentecostals in his endeavors, surely He will help a real True Christian™ man (or perhaps even a woman) on a much larger scale! If we ask, we will be provided and instead of recycling (what a nasty concept it is) the tithe trough middle men who take salaries, etc., it can be given straight to LBC.

Praise God!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Thank you once again Sir Elmer. That was just what I had in mind, and what we discussed in the thread I linked here before.

In that case we had a lutheran pastor who had his lawnmower doing just fine using the power of praying, and now we have a pentecostal pastor whose car is moving with prayer.

And I am quite sure, that when you "fill your tank" with "Zeke" fuel, there is just that: powerful prayers working in your Escalade!!!

There is no price for that.

If sinner fake pastors can do with their prayers what is told before, just be super careful with speed limits after you've filled your tank in Freehold!!!

James 5: 13-18
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