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Reload this Page Catnip: the true Gateway Drug!
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Exclamation Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 06-27-2011, 06:42 PM

I've always been a dog person, but when a friend had to give away a cat, I ended up with it. I've already talked about how perverse these creatures are, "cleaning" their nether regions in fuzzy little orgies of self-abuse. Pint-sized pornstars, I call them. And they only get worse.

It turns out that cats are reefer-addicts as well. There is a weed growing around my property, and every time Roadkill (that's the name I gave it) comes across this weed, he goes acid-trip crazy:



As a parent, how am I supposed to explain this to the children? "Sure, cats have fun on drugs, and suffer no side-effects, but you're not a cat. You'll get the munchies and bite off your own fingers just to eat them, and you'll think the pot means you can fly so you'll jump off stuff. Ignore the harmless fun happening right before your eyes, and believe me instead!"

Yes, before pot, before even ground-up ritalin, a child's first drug experience is watching their feline buddies "tripping balls" on catnip. Advertisers know animals are great at selling things, just look at the Taco Bell dog.

Responsible parents, it is time to take a stand. Since shipping all cats to China seems to be considered inhumane, the only solution is to drive catnip into extinction. People with catnip on their property should be charged with possetion. Pet stores that sell catnip toys should be charged with trafficing. Owners who fail to turn in their catnip-addicted pets will be charged with being accessories to a crime. Pesticide spraying programs should be started right away. We'll give a new meaning to the term "spray and pray".

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 12-05-2020 at 07:38 PM.
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Default Re: Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 06-27-2011, 06:49 PM

Cats are a wicked symbol of the occult, and catnip is a lethal narcotic. Just one "drag" of catnip is enough to get you addicted, and two is enough to induce cardiac arrest. It's intoxicating effects also contribute to anal AND ORAL sex, sometimes in tandem spreading salmonella and the virus that causes AIDS. When smoked or injected, it will simply open a portal into Hell and invite demons to sodomize you with sizzling six hundred degree serrated demon semen. Nothing good can come of cats and the drugs that they peddle.


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Default Re: Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 06-27-2011, 07:42 PM

hoowee! Preach on, brother Jeb!

My cats go hog wild ifn I sprinkle a little cat nip round the trailer? They get as ornery as them raccoons when they got stuck in them traps out back. The trick is, when you trap a raccoon, you gotta let it starve to death before ya retrieve it. They'll scream and snarl into the night, but only for a couple of days. I feel the starvation mehtod slackens the coon flesh for easier cleanin? Then ya toss on in the pot for to boil. Hoowee! Y'all, I'm gettin hungry. Praise God! Ima go check them traps.

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Default Re: Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 06-27-2011, 08:20 PM

Take a good look at the picture below. This is what sin looks like; raw, beastly and Godmocking! Note the drooling mindlessness of the cat, the undignified pose as the cat is in his catnip high. And what are those eyes dream of?

Ass raping you!!

That's right, cats will have ass sex with you if they can get away with it. That's why lonely women have them as pets - for ass sex.
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Default Re: Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 06-27-2011, 08:32 PM

I take issue with people who insist on calling their pets "children". Your pets are not your children. Any emotional attachment that you might think you are having is only going one direction. (That might be the same with your kids, too.)

Also, the people who think it's funny to give drugs to a pet are the same kinds of people who are going to be enabling your kids later in life by helping them get hooked on booze, speed, and heroin.

Brother Jeb is right about this being the original gateway drug as it is a clear window into the phyche of anyone who would consider it a fun pet toy.


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Default Re: Catnip: the true Gateway Drug! - 12-05-2020, 07:16 PM

God doesn't mind an intoxicating substance by itself (Genesis 1:29) it's the almost inevitable drunken revelry that He hates, especially because it also almost always leads to some form of miscegenation, when possible. I was exposed to this catnip-dream-inspired music video at a tender age, and I still have not fully recovered:

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