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Reload this Page If you masturbate it means you're gay...
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-17-2015, 10:24 PM

Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 12:23 AM

This is what I keep telling my good-for-nothing nephew but I use more delicate terms. Maybe he needs to hear it spelled out plainly. Perhaps you can stop by one evening and yell this through the door at him next time he spends more than five minutes in the bathroom, or more than ten in the shower. I'm tired of telling him.


Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 02:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
I've heard that it could be done with fruits, vegetables, fluffy pillows or handheld showers. No hands.


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“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
I've heard that it could be done with fruits, vegetables, fluffy pillows or handheld showers. No hands.
i had a client used to do it to a couch and made me watch i he ask i told him it still gay
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 03:30 AM


All True Christians know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a homersexural. So just shut up about it and accept the fact that you are going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! "Fantasizing" about the "body parts" of female sluts is never an excuse! Since a boy is touching a male unmentionable member, that makes him HOMERSEXURAL!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 01:53 PM

I have never touched myself in that way.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 06:18 PM

I never understood how a man who masturbates can be considered heterosexual. Makes no sense. You mean to tell me that there is one penis in the world you can not only touch but stroke to orgasm and still be straight—and that this is in fact a rite of passage to becoming a normal, masculine man, and the more you think about touching and stroking this penis during your daily life, the more virile, healthy, and manly you are—but doing the exact same thing to any of 3,499,999,999 other, more or less identical penises means you are gay? Sorry, I don't buy that. It flies in the face of all logic. Giving a man a handjob, even if that man is you, is a fundamentally homosexual activity that cannot be performed non-homosexually (unless of course a woman performs it, which is still a gross perversion and a waste of seed). The same goes for female masturbation, but the less said about that, the better.


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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 07:42 PM

I think Mrs Templeton sums up the situation better than I ever could. I do have a question, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton View Post
The same goes for female masturbation, but the less said about that, the better.
Does this even exist, or is it just one of those ridiculous fantasies that UnSaved men like to think about? Because seriously, what exactly would a female do and (more to the point) why?


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 09:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
I think Mrs Templeton sums up the situation better than I ever could. I do have a question, though.



Does this even exist, or is it just one of those ridiculous fantasies that UnSaved men like to think about? Because seriously, what exactly would a female do and (more to the point) why?
they use tampons for that
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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-19-2015, 12:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton View Post
I never understood how a man who masturbates can be considered heterosexual. Makes no sense. You mean to tell me that there is one penis in the world you can not only touch but stroke to orgasm and still be straight—and that this is in fact a rite of passage to becoming a normal, masculine man, and the more you think about touching and stroking this penis during your daily life, the more virile, healthy, and manly you are—but doing the exact same thing to any of 3,499,999,999 other, more or less identical penises means you are gay? Sorry, I don't buy that. It flies in the face of all logic. Giving a man a handjob, even if that man is you, is a fundamentally homosexual activity that cannot be performed non-homosexually (unless of course a woman performs it, which is still a gross perversion and a waste of seed). The same goes for female masturbation, but the less said about that, the better.
The man is fantsizing, normally about the opposite sex. His penis is not the object of his desire. There are stacks of research that have been conducted showing it is a completely natural and human attribute. And harmless.


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Jesus Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-19-2015, 02:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
The man is fantsizing, normally about the opposite sex. His penis is not the object of his desire. There are stacks of research that have been conducted showing it is a completely natural and human attribute. And harmless.
Mr. Mormon,

Of course those who promote the homosexual agenda would conduct research based on their bias. Having "lots of" research is just a simple ad populum fallacy, appeal to numbers. You even fail to name these anonymous sources. We know, for instance, that a large majority of the world's population refuses to follow Jesus. Does this mean that Jesus was wrong? Fortunately, similar to the force of True Christians™ during the upcoming End of Days, one Word from the Bible is more powerful than the combined volumes of Nature, Science and Cell from the last century.



Here's the verse that falsifies your 'research'. I understand that you are not called Timothy but Alooneymormon. Still, this applies.

1 Timothy 6:20
O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

Call yiur Pastor immediately. The gaywise mentality is such that your brother will no doubt attempt to seduce you.

Get out of the house and do not return unless you are in the company of an adult Christian.

Praying for you both.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

The efficacy of a thorough beating cannot be overlooked.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
The efficacy of a thorough beating cannot be overlooked.
Temporarily removing the hands' ability to enjoy touch, say through scalding water or near-crushing stone placed on top for many hours helps reinforce one's attention. I remind my children they cannot hold Jesus' hand if they're m***********, and a throbbing hand serves as a constant reminder of who has the right to that hand, and who gets to determine how it is used (Romans 9:21).



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-02-2015, 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

Jason you've clearly been traumatized. Would you be so kind as to make an introductory post in the INTRODUCTIONS section of the forum? Tell us about yourself, your family and the Church that your daddy takes you to. Let us welcome you True Christian(m) style.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 01:17 PM

I have been wondering about Micah 2:1, which teaches this:-

Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand.


I see no reference to homosexuality, even though the Lord is talking here about the power of your hand to masturbate. Brothers and sisters, this tells me gay masturbation is a myth. Otherwise, wouldn't the Lord send more earthquakes
? As far as I can tell, masturbators abound whereas earthquakes do not. I feel the Lord may have sent me a delusion here to stop me from seeing the connection between self pleasuring antics and whether or not people are sodomites. I have been searching scripture fruitlessly and require guidance.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 01:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1liesalot View Post
I have been wondering about Micah 2:1, which teaches this:-

Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand.


I see no reference to homosexuality, even though the Lord is talking here about the power of your hand to masturbate. Brothers and sisters, this tells me gay masturbation is a myth. Otherwise, wouldn't the Lord send more earthquakes
? As far as I can tell, masturbators abound whereas earthquakes do not. I feel the Lord may have sent me a delusion here to stop me from seeing the connection between self pleasuring antics and whether or not people are sodomites. I have been searching scripture fruitlessly and require guidance.
If you ply your penile member to tumescence and thence culmination you are proving that you chose to be me turned on by a man's hand than your wife's lower Venusian furrow.

What part of that does not mean you are gay?

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.1liesalot is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
If you ply your penile member to tumescence and thence culmination you are proving that you chose to be me turned on by a man's hand than your wife's lower Venusian furrow.

What part of that does not mean you are gay?

YIC
Nonewhatever!! Praise be and glory.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-01-2016, 10:27 PM

Well, you thought and talked about masturbation.

You're gonna burn in hell :^)
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