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Default Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 08-29-2014, 06:16 AM

Friends in Faith,

I have been spending a lot of time in prayer lately, deepening my personal relationship with Christ. Time just fades away, and the next thing I know, I've been up all night telling Jesus about my day, my hopes, my dreams... how much I appreciate him dying for a few days so I don't have to go to hell... He's like the friend I never had.

I would almost go as far as to say it's becoming a problem. As if a deep, personal connection with Jesus could EVER be a problem. As if incessant prayer could even be halfway construed as a negative. I'm even praying as I type this. What are a few missed meals, a few uncompleted chores, a few near misses in traffic, a few missed days in the office? It's all for the most IMPORTANT and WORTHWHILE thing any of us could occupy our time with: PRAYER.

Quote:
Originally Posted by THE WORD OF GOD
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.
Lately, however, as the bond between Jesus and I has grown, I have been experiencing a certain... tumescence... when in spiritual congress with Him. I just go on and on about how much I love Him, and the next thing I know, it's 4:30 in the morning and I have a HUGE ERECTION! I just picture Him hanging up there on that cross, dying for my sins, me groveling at His feet, when a Roman Legionnaire runs up and pokes Him in the side with a spear, and His Hot Blood SQUIRTS ALL OVER MY FACE, INTO MY MOUTH, and runs DOWN MY CHIN!

I SIMPLY MELT! My knees begin to shake, my eyelids twitch, and I alternate abruptly between laughing and crying, and my ROCK HARD MEMBER stays with me for hours. I even went in to the emergency room last month to get checked for a PRIAPISM. The doctor asked how much Viagra I had taken, and I yelled IN HIS FACE: "NONE! VIAGRA IS FOR PERVERTS! I AM ROCK HARD FOR JESUS!" They sedated me and lanced my tallywhacker with a large needle, draining over a pint of blood before I took a well deserved nap, dreaming about Jesus the whole time.

In any case, I wanted to compare notes with other Men of Faith to see how you handle these situations. When I think of everything that Jesus went through on that cross, all because He loves me so, well... it's just nice to know that SOMEONE cares. This is, however, turning into a problem at Sunday services and during Wedneday Night Fellowship. Jesus tells me to just tuck it into my belt, and that's worked so far.

It's so great to finally be filled with the Holy Spirit after so many years of loneliness and silent desperation. It feels SO GOOD to be filled with so much abundant life! MY LIFE FINALLY HAS MEANING!




LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION (Psalm 139:13-16, Jeremiah 1:5, Job 31:15, Isaiah 49:5)
MARRIAGE = 1 MAN + 1 WOMAN (Ephesians 5:22-33)
NO FOOD FOR THOSE WHO DON"T WORK (2 Thessalonians 3:10-12)
PRACTICING HOMOS AND HOMO-ENABLERS ARE LIVING IN SIN (Romans 1:26-28, 32)
BUT JESUS WILL TAKE YOU BACK AND COVER YOU IN HIS BLOOD(1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 08-29-2014, 11:13 AM

Brother,

What a complicated issue in many aspects, physiologically, mentally and first and foremost spiritually.

First of all, my answer to your question is "no". Of course, experiencing these types of "stirrings" hardly ever takes place in my life anyway, so it is not a surprise that they not occur in the presence of our LORD Jesus Christ, either. I must confess that it is extremely difficult if not totally impossible to obtain this physiological state also in the presence of my spouse.

Secondly, we must examine the Bible. There are several verses that can shed some light on your problem (if it is a problem).

Exodus 15:9
The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.

This indicates that it is the lust for defending one's own in battle that should arouse you, not the presence of Jesus. However,

Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

This indicates that at least you are not committing adultery. But, then, unfortunately in your case, we have:

Romans 1:27
And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

Whatever we think, we cannot escape the possibility that the gallant engorgement of the arterial spaces in your admirable tallywhacker is a sign of lust. And Jesus is a man. Of course, He is also God, which could ameliorate your situation.

Let's see this finally from the point of view of LOVE. Do not be alarmed. It is the favorite of fluffy bunnies but also True Christians™ can feel it.

Mark 12:33
And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

This is interesting. You must love our Lord with all your soul but also WITH ALL THE STRENGTH! And, if I may say, your vigor seems to be exceptional.

My conclusion: Mark 12:33 precedes in this case. Your tumescence is not necessarily sexural but a manifestation of extremely strong love towards the LORD. I still recommend an inspection by a senior pastor, who'll be happy to check the problem and reassure you that everything is in order.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 08-30-2014, 05:33 AM

I feel you, Brother. Don't feel guilty or ashamed, there is a logical, Godly reason for the torpidity that occurs when one is caught up in the Grip of The Savior.

Imagine Jesus' pecker as a gigantic, throbbing tuning fork that resonates at a frequency of 777 Hz. When we are in deep prayer and praising Him with all our might, and are completely in harmony with His will, a sympathetic resonance will occur within your own manhood, resulting in a spectacular erection.

To reiterate, fork A is Christ's Glorious pud, fork B is yours.
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 09-11-2014, 02:39 PM

I feel your problem, brother.


But if you plan beforehand, there are certain steps you can make to prevent this.


Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 09-13-2014, 06:09 PM

I am intrigued and yet concerned that I have never achieved turgidity when I am praising the Savior. Upon reading this thread I began glorify God but remained in a state of limpidaciousness. Thinking it might be because of the sinfulness of my past, I once again repented to the Lord of my sins.

No result. Am I doing something wrong? Has the Lord decided I am not in tune with his vibratory spirit? Brothers, please advise me.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 09-13-2014, 08:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
I am intrigued and yet concerned that I have never achieved turgidity when I am praising the Savior. Upon reading this thread I began glorify God but remained in a state of limpidaciousness. Thinking it might be because of the sinfulness of my past, I once again repented to the Lord of my sins.

No result. Am I doing something wrong? Has the Lord decided I am not in tune with his vibratory spirit? Brothers, please advise me.
You must allow The Lamb® to enter you fully, only then will you achieve that which you seek.
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 09-14-2014, 11:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
You must allow The Lamb® to enter you fully, only then will you achieve that which you seek.
I wonder if there is still some papist demon lodged within me that is preventing the full experience of vibratory harmony between myself and my precious Lord.

NY City is a hotbed of demonic activity since most people are so caught up with money and using heroin instead of praising God. There are also many Joos here and I'm sure that sends off an aura that is displeasing to Jesus. If anyone knows a good Baptist exorcist in this area, please point me in that direction. I'm willing to allow Jesus to enter me in every way possible. I want to feel Him so deeply inside me that I have no desire for anything else. I want to prostrate myself before Him and accept His vibrations.

Come, Lord Jesus!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Does anyone else get "turned on" when praising the LORD? - 09-15-2014, 12:36 AM

I did get an erection in Church, once. Needless to say, it was awkward.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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