[WWJDnow]

With all of the righteous wars the U.S. tends to fight, many U.S. soldiers have wondered how to handle marrying the beautiful women they take captive after they have slaughtered all of the men and older women in a tribal village. The Bible sets forth very specific laws that, in God's great mercy, protect these captive beautiful women from exploitation.

First, you must let the woman mourn for her family that you and your brother soldiers killed:

When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. Deuteronomy 21:10-13

Don't forget to pare her nails, since she might resist your sexual advances for the first couple of years, and a badly scratched back poses a risk of infection!

Once you have gone in onto the beautiful captive, she is no longer a slave, but your wife. At that point, you cannot sell her if she does not please you. In that case, you have to put her aside as a free woman:

And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her. Deuteronomy 21:14

On balance, it is probably best to sell your captive beautiful women, since captive beautiful women whom you marry paradoxically often feel resentment rather than the gratitude they owe you for rescuing them from a life of slavery. Why they act this way, I don't know, but who really understands women, anyway? So I recommend pocketing the proceeds from the sale of your merchandise and marrying a nice, docile, obedient Christian girl.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Good post, Brother Dnow. We can never have enough instruction on how God wants us to conduct our lives. Men carry an especially high burden because of the widows from warfare. I'm sure our Russian soldier brothers have noticed Ukraine women are beautiful and are doing right by them.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Please forgive me for posting in the TC Gentlemen's area of these forums, but one of our boys (under 18 and so, although permitted by my dear husband to read your words of wisdom, not permitted by the T&Cs to post) has asked about this:

Originally Posted by WWJDnow

First, you must let the woman mourn for her family that you and your brother soldiers killed:

... Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. Deuteronomy 21:10-13

Don't forget to pare her nails, since she might resist your sexual advances for the first couple of years, and a badly scratched back poses a risk of infection!

James asks why any presumably sane man would want to make sexual advances towards a woman who had shaved her head a mere month earlier and would presumably resemble a hedgehog.