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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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Default 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-29-2008, 03:36 AM

Every year the Lord calls upon us to make a Goldly list of things the dirtiest creature in God's kingdom (Women) can't do. Otherwise, the world would just go to pot and HE would never forgive us.

So lets get that list going!

My contribution:

Women are forbidden from talking about their goodie baskets and all the unsavory things that grow in them and on them, and all that monthly stuff period! This includes chit chat among gals which in my opinion borders on lezbinism!


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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-29-2008, 03:51 AM

Amen Brother!!

I'd like to (once again) remind certain sisters that they are NOT to waste church time gossiping about what the Pastors might or might not be up to on Friday nights when we drive to Des Moines to witness to the harlots who work at "Sparky's Strip Club."

You know who you are.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-29-2008, 04:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Amen Brother!!

I'd like to (once again) remind certain sisters that they are NOT to waste church time gossiping about what the Pastors might or might not be up to on Friday nights when we drive to Des Moines to witness to the harlots who work at "Sparky's Strip Club."

You know who you are.
Just to be fair even Billy Graham, when he traveled refused to be in an elevator alone with a women. He always had to have some kind of a witness for his accountability and no women! What is wrong with that godly standard?



If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-29-2008, 08:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GOD IS A HOMOSEXUAL! View Post
hmmm did you know that they can make sperm from a women now i saw it on the news yeah women dont even need men anymore so it doesnt matter if all the men in the world die women can still maintain human life isnt that awesome!!!
And they still can nail your ass for child support. Isn't that awesome!!!

Get real with your sentient being. Dumb ass.



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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-03-2008, 04:32 PM

I like "Thou shalt always fall all over studly space captains!" LOL!
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-03-2008, 07:38 PM

As a youth pastor in our church, it IS part of my job to talk to all the young girls about sex and other matters. It is NOT your job wife to question me about how long, all night, that this work shall take.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-04-2008, 01:45 PM

I think that, in general, women should not be permitted to do anything more intellectually challenging than making baked goods. Anything else is just asking for trouble.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-04-2008, 02:36 PM

Aw gee whiskers, Brother Elmer!!!

Well, can we still keep going to those Internet chatter rooms? You know all we do is heap Praise upon you Mens anyway

I also want to go there to find out if anyone knows why I don't seem to have a "Goodie basket" like apparently the rest of the Ladies do
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-04-2008, 06:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seeker View Post
Just to be fair even Billy Graham, when he traveled refused to be in an elevator alone with a women. He always had to have some kind of a witness for his accountability and no women! What is wrong with that godly standard?
He evidently couldn't trust himself. We can. Jesus was prepared to be alone in a room with a woman, so does Billy Graham think he's holier than Christ?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-05-2008, 01:06 AM

First of all, Jesus forgive me for posting in the Men's forum (but I think you would approve of the following rule).

Women should not be allowed to run for president of the United States, especially box bumping hillbillies from Arkansas!


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 02-05-2008, 03:07 AM

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

Amen

Bathfire E





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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-17-2010, 11:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seeker View Post
Just to be fair even Billy Graham, when he traveled refused to be in an elevator alone with a women. He always had to have some kind of a witness for his accountability and no women! What is wrong with that godly standard?
This makes me wonder. If Mr. Graham, whoever he may be, was spending so much time alone with men, where only him and the other man would be there to "witness" each other, exactly what was going on?
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-17-2010, 11:27 PM

A man should never be alone with any woman who is not his mother or wife. Common decency and common sense.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-18-2010, 12:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by x60tablet View Post
This makes me wonder. If Mr. Graham, whoever he may be, was spending so much time alone with men, where only him and the other man would be there to "witness" each other, exactly what was going on?
You claim to be a Christian and you've never heard of Billy Graham?!

Something smells around here...


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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x60tablet is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.x60tablet is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: 2008 RULES 4 FEMALES - 01-18-2010, 02:02 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
You claim to be a Christian and you've never heard of Billy Graham?!

Something smells around here...
Fishy indeed. He must not be a humble man if I'm supposed to have heard of him. Sounds very unchristianlike to me.
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