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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-27-2019, 07:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
You have an opportunity to steal one of his frozen Oscar trophies/statuettes, as long as you can avoid body cavity searches. You will suffer -1 hit point (cold) and -1 hit point (piercing damage to critical hit area) and the statuette will be smelly, giving you only +2 charisma when presented.
I'll pass. As a nerf-herder I don't need extra charisma, and I've already got enough - I'm like Ringo Starr, ugly but cute.

My plan is to pose as a photographer, and lure Biden away with promises of a backdrop that will make him look youthful.


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-27-2019, 07:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Army View Post
Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up.
I was about to ask how on earth such savvy internet geeks could be fooled with fake money, but then I remembered that they're all into bitcoin, so of course they can.

You acquire a +1 Meme-Machine of Dankness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Army View Post
I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage.
Most of the photographers say "pics or it didn't happen" and the few clickbait writers who bothered to show up take it as an endorsement. They write glowing thinkpieces about Bernie's commitment to free trade, and his after-school programs for youth in Baltimore (they don't listen very well, what with their noses always in their smartphones reading twitter.)

Bernie gains +2 superdelegates.

A photographer tries to recreate the Che Gevara photo, but the kids keep photobombing and making bunny ears behind your back.

Quote:
My plan is to pose as a photographer, and lure Biden away with promises of a backdrop that will make him look youthful.
The Secret Service check your credentials, find you have none, and toss you off the hill.

Quote:
convince the superdelegates by saying I'm same as Obama, new & improved, and now in white!
They want to know if you're gay. If so, they want proof.

Warning: because you skipped on the side-quest to find Trent, your party now has no bodyguard.

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 11-27-2019 at 08:52 PM.
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-28-2019, 03:12 PM

I'm back.

First, I'll chat with Secret Service and see if they have any tips and pointers that will get me easy Experience Points.

Then I'll check Red Army for ice picks. Though not statuettes. If he's got one he can keep it.

To gain the children's trust I'll let them wear my lucky helmet. We should all listen to the children as they argue. It will be good preparation for the debates. Has anyone tweeted "I know you are but what am I" to Trump? He might not know how to escape that one. I sure don't.


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-28-2019, 03:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
First, I'll chat with Secret Service and see if they have any tips and pointers that will get me easy Experience Points.
The SS are out of patience at this point, and they don't want to be chatted up by a slob who stinks of alcohol and weird left-coast party snacks. They taze you, bro.

Quote:
To gain the children's trust I'll let them wear my lucky helmet.
In your drunken haze you had vomited in your helmet, and forgotten about it. After your barf slops all over a particularly newsworthy little blonde girl, the Secret Service notices it looks like you've been eating pizza. They put two and two together. You are arrested in connection with pizzagate.

At your holding cell the cameras break and the guards fall asleep. When they wake up and check on you, your corpse is hanging by a shoelace. Ignoring that you wear sandals, they declare your death a suicide.

GAME OVER.
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-28-2019, 04:18 PM

I climb back up the hill. I've played Celeste, I know a thing or two about this.

Oh, I've got another game idea. Fortnite plus Mario Kart. You race around, constructing pits and barriers behind you to crash your opponents. They can construct jumps and stuff to avoid them. As the race goes on, the track becomes more and more crazy, sort of like Trackmania, but being built as you play.

Oh right, my nerf-herding quest. I've gotten bored with this, can I do a class-change? Is there some dungeon where I can loot a Master Seal? Since we need a new bodyguard, I want to be a Pegasus Knight.


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 12:56 PM

With the astounding amount of vomit flying around in this election (almost like someone has a fetish for it) all thoughts are on healthcare.

I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us. Politicians who fail to save our precious zygote lives will be jailed - by republican laws, not mine.

No, don't thank me, thank Republican lawmakers.


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 01:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Army View Post
Even though prop money is not enough to guarantee KGB support, the GRU (Glávnoye Razvédyvatelnoye Upravlenie) accepts it and now I have an army of trolls in Twitter, Facebok and Youtube to back me up. And a real army, as well, just in case.
I start my dirty campaign by revealing Bernie Sanders did not write "Our revolution", but it was written by a bunch of slave ghost writers in Bangladesh, most of them underage. That explains a lot about the book, but the fact that he has become a millionaire by using slave underage labour is a big hit for the only pseudo socialist I am fighting here, and I can occupy that space in solitude.
Jill Kassidy....................
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 01:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterCrackhead View Post
Jill Kassidy....................
Class: porn actress
Equipment: Disguise (twitter strategist). Bag Of Holding, stuffed with unlimited periods.......................
Quest: Create a "Stormy Daniels" scandal with an opposing candidate.

I was going to warn you not to be explicit, but seeing as you can't type more than 10 words and 100 periods at a time, you aren't capable of it.

Quote:
I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us.
The clickbait writers get confused, thinking that you promised free imaginary abortions for trannies. Either way, it's so crazy that you gain 6 superdelegates. One of them got pregnant last night, so I'll count the zygote as a 7th superdelegate.

Quote:
Since we need a new bodyguard, I want to be a Pegasus Knight.
Class: Mall Cop
Equipment: this thing:




Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 11-29-2019 at 05:39 PM.
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 04:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Social Construct View Post
With the astounding amount of vomit flying around in this election (almost like someone has a fetish for it) all thoughts are on healthcare.

I introduce my universal healthcare plan: we will all identify as fertilized eggs, forcing the GOP to care about us. Politicians who fail to save our precious zygote lives will be jailed - by republican laws, not mine.

No, don't thank me, thank Republican lawmakers.
I have to admit - that is actually quite a good plan!

My healthcare plan mainly involves my dashing looks and my gorgeous smile. Have you seen my teeth? Everyone will look as good as I do if you elect me!

But: no, I'm not gay (at least not at the moment), so I guess I'll have to stop groping, did I say groping? I meant grabbing, Butt-man's superdelegates...
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 05:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
My healthcare plan mainly involves my dashing looks and my gorgeous smile. Have you seen my teeth? Everyone will look as good as I do if you elect me!
Nobody will believe that, even Canada doesn't do universal free dental. Something about people being more polite when they fear their teeth being punched out, or something.

Quote:
I guess I'll have to stop groping, did I say groping? I meant grabbing, Butt-man's superdelegates...
Stay away from my Superdelegates, I can summon mobs. All kinds, even the dreaded twitter-mob, thanks to my Twitter Strategist, Jill. (You don't know she's actually an undercover pornstar, so the intimidate effect should work in-game).

Are we doing the media appearance next? Can we do Real Time with Bill Maher? I've always wanted to give that problematic creep a piece of my mind.


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 06:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
Class: Mall Cop
Equipment: this thing:

Jokes on you, it's what I wanted all along. Later I'll pimp it out with fuzzy dice and a neon light on the bottom.

Pegusi tend to rain poop on people's parades. Anyway I already knew they're banned from Sleasepits And Sinners as a non-Biblical monster.

Anyway, for my action I will prepare for the Bill Maher show by casting all the buffs available to the Mall Cop class: Immunity to Snide Teenagers, Resistance to Christmas Music, Detect Contraband, and Aura Of Intimidation (class bonus: tweens and homeless people).


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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-29-2019, 06:40 PM

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Originally Posted by gamer4Christ View Post
Anyway, for my action I will prepare for the Bill Maher show by casting...Detect Contraband
Arriving at Bill Maher's studio, your Detect Contraband spell goes nuts, warning you about Bill Maher's colossal devilweed stash. "Distracted" effect gained, for as long as you are in the studio.

Quote:
even Canada doesn't do universal free dental.
This attack is ineffective, because your opponent is equipped with Impossible Campaign Promises. Thanks to the XP it gained in this battle, it levels up to become a +1 Impossible Campaign Promises.

The duperdelegates are impressed by your talk about Canada, it makes you sound cosmopolitan to talk about sh!thole countries that God hates. You gain one superdelegate.

A clickbait hitpiece writer creates an article accusing Basilissa of being a Canadian seal-clubber. Because they have no unflattering photo to upload, the article is never published. From this battle Basilissa has gained enough XP to level up. You can choose a new prayer (you know, like a spell in DnD) and upgrade 2 stats.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter The Tweeter
........
Saying "dot dot dot dot" all the time makes people think you're a Terret's syndrome weirdo. The fact that you smell of astroglide™ doesn't help.

Yet you are noticeably unaffected by a Mall Cop's "Aura of intimidation: homeless" effect. The resulting suspicion this causes will be represented by a loss of 5 charisma, until you learn to talk like a normal person.
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Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-30-2019, 06:52 AM

Elizabeth Warren downs 3 bottles of beer and arm wrestles Amy Klobuchar on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Whoopi Goldberg finally moves to Canada.

Obama finally admits that he kept Joe Biden locked in the White House attic while he was president. He escaped once and the Secret Service finally found him in the Ukraine.

Cory Booker dresses up in white face and, while speaking in a nigra jive dialect, apologizes for his white privilege.

New York Times economist Paul Krugman finally points out that Bernie Sanders violated the Marx labor theory of value by making millions of ill gotten gains from his best selling book sales.

Leaked secret log reveals Pete Buttgig aboard Epstien's plane with Prince Andrew.

Kamala Harris found unconscious in Walmart parking lot after MMA fight with Tulsi Gabbard.

Michael Moore denounces Michael Bloomberg after revealing plans to abolish the fast food industry.


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Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jeb Stuart Thurmond will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Let's Play: "The Corpse-Choked Gladiator Pits of the Democrat Primary!" - 11-30-2019, 07:05 PM

Wow, I see someone bought all of the expansion packs!

Due to this being a heavy news day, all players have an ideal time to get any inevitable scandals over with. Newspapers will bury you in section C6, cable news will just mention your name, and then realize they have to cut to commercials.

For the exact gameplay effects, I will count you all as possessing Jeffery Epstein's Stealth Learjet, only minus the part where your scandalousness is redirected at the British Royal family.

There are also 10 new superdelegates up for grabs, at least until the next news cycle, when they will forget all the scandals and go back to the candidates they left, except for one that gets confused and votes for Prince Andrew.
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