[Santa Claus]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

I must say I'm rather envious of your lovely cruet set.

Ho... Mitzy-Nitzy, you're really milking the cow for sympathy and plastic items, aren't you? If it weren't for your niceness, my sack of rooster butt feathers would be sailing towards your chimney as we speak. Alas (1), I'm a kind old but vigorous and surprisingly muscular man. Alas (2), my stock of Trump statuettes is out or order. It seems that my elves were a bit over-generous with the whining requests of Alabaman, Mississippi and Texan 50-65 yo men who absolutely demanded that I send them one of those plastic Trump decorative pieces this Christmas and also demanded that they be dishwasher-safe. No idea why. Alas (3), no Trumpies left but, fortunately, you'll be enjoying of the last remaining Putin statuettes that belong to the same series of genuine plastic toys for your entertainment! Ho.



P.S. The Texan elves informed me that the statuettes can be kept clean by immersing them in bourbon in case they are soiled, so that's something you may consider. No extra bourbon anymore this Christmas, however.

[Unfalsifiable]

I would like a year-long pass to the Copper-Tier parking lot at Landover Baptist Church.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

I would like a year-long pass to the Copper-Tier parking lot at Landover Baptist Church.

Friend, you may as well ask for a free pass into Heaven. Santa can't give you that!

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Friend, you may as well ask for a free pass into Heaven. Santa can't give you that!

He sure can't, but he could do something pretty close: just ask for a KJV Bible.

[Santa Claus]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

I would like a year-long pass to the Copper-Tier parking lot at Landover Baptist Church.

Ho Oh Dear... That won't help you pass gas, which is your principal problem these days. You should walk or jog, as that will help the entrapped gas escape the large intestine, and yours is admittedly quite large. As a supplement to the exercise schedule, I'll pass some nice pills into your nylon stockings this Christmas night.

[Santa Claus]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Friend, you may as well ask for a free pass into Heaven. Santa can't give you that!

Frankly, my Dear, nor can Jesus Baby. His pass costs you dearly, you need to abandon rational thinking, trust without evidence and have the faith thingy, the reason for the season that people give when they have no actual evidence.




I, on the other hand, am oozing with evidence with every Christmas plastic thingy you get. And for this Christmas only, I'll give you some actual evidence. Don't worry about the glass container, there are some nice plastics embedded within the nozzle. Ho, Tony-boy. You'll not only look tolerable but you'll smell like Louis XVI in his loo-deficient Versailles of yonderyear! Ho ho ho!

[Santa Claus]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

He sure can't, but he could do something pretty close: just ask for a KJV Bible.

Ho? Don't you have the Internet? Or the Library? What's the use of a paper copy, especially as your lot should not even make notes on the pages as it would be wrong to add anything to this KayJayVee thingy, or your Jesus will give you plagues (verily, he does give some thingies but I wouldn't call them nice but naughty and where's the plastic component I'm only asking)? But, in my mature age, I am digressing. Denny-lad! I have chosen for your benefit something light and rousing to read at your level (it's reading level 2, isn't it?). Ho doe roe go show grow yo Mo no h**o as you say!