Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
|
As pure and virginal as the driven snow.
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 4,883
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-21-2011, 11:37 PM
As I don't have a husband I always thought I can not get pregnant.
But now a stork has been building a nest on our house. Does this mean I will get a baby?
I Jesus!
|
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
|
|
Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-21-2011, 11:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity
As I don't have a husband I always thought I can not get pregnant.
But now a stork has been building a nest on our house. Does this mean I will get a baby?
|
My Dearest Felicity, . I know you are a good girl, but has your mom and dad (MOM ) ever had the talk with you? There are only three ways for a woman to become preggers.
1 God
2 having sex with a man.
3 sitting on a toilet seat that a homersexural man has sat on.
1A God has only gotten one woman preagant, that was the mother of Jesus, Mary( NOTICE Jesus is first ya damn Catliks).
2B Are you still pure?
3C Do you have any Homersexural men in your home?
The answer to question 2B better be yes and 3B NO.
Do you understand what it means when us grown ups are talking about having sex?
Love Uncle James
|
|
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 01:00 AM
I hope it's a boy!
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
|
|
Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 01:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I hope it's a boy!
|
Let us hope our little Felicity does not write something like ''Dear Diary, Great news today, my own baby Jesus is on the way!''
There won't be one living messican left in town when her father reads it! Think I will go get me an order of Tacos to go, just in case, might be a long time until this is all sorted out..
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
|
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
|
|
Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 03:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis
Let us hope our little Felicity does not write something like ''Dear Diary, Great news today, my own baby Jesus is on the way!''
There won't be one living messican left in town when her father reads it! Think I will go get me an order of Tacos to go, just in case, might be a long time until this is all sorted out..
|
Oh crap, I best drive to Mama Vitia's, and stock up on empanadas.
I have not seen Rev Jim in a few days, coincidence?
|
|
Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,017
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wherever Jesus takes me
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 05:09 AM
Felicity, dear, now that you're growing up into a fine young lady, you really need to learn the facts of life. Now, maybe your daddy is going to get angry at me for telling you this, but I think it's high time you learned about where babies come from.
The first thing to understand, honey, is that babies don't actually come from storks. What really happens is when a husband and a wife love each other very much, they ask Jesus to bless them with a child. Then, depending on how much Jesus loves the married couple, He either blesses them with a son (He loves them a lot!!) or a daughter (He still loves them, but He thinks they could be tithing a little more or something). Finally, nine months later, a beautiful True Christian™ baby is born.
Now, since you're not married, you don't really need to be worrying about having babies yet. The Lord will bless you with one when you learn to love the husband your daddy picks out for you.
Now that I've answered your question, just keep on being a good girl and stop fretting about this. Just between us, the only people that worry about getting pregnant are sluts, and I know you aren't one of THOSE girls.
Hoping the Holy Spirit fills you and keeps you from worrying,
Sister Lycia
|
|
Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
|
|
Posts: 14,450
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 04:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
...Love Uncle James
|
I'm hoping the missing comma was just an oversight, because it really changes the meaning here... you dawg
|
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
|
|
Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 06:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
I'm hoping the missing comma was just an oversight, because it really changes the meaning here...you dawg
|
Get your mind out of the gutter. I could never think of Felicity in that way. Sure she is a pretty little thing, and God was very generous in creating her, but any thing more than the love of an uncle is out of the question. I am not a pervert. I leave that up to you and Joe- Freddie our resident perverts.
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 3
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Godless Scotland
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 11:01 PM
wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?
|
|
Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
|
|
Posts: 5,720
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Surrounded by feral eskimos.
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-22-2011, 11:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman
wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?
|
What is wrong with you? In what kind of sick world is aware but cautious pure young lady called brain-dead?
|
|
Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-23-2011, 06:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman
wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?
|
A young lady asks a sincere question, and suddenly she is "brain-dead" ???
Leave it to a paddy in his cups to totally miss the point.
Yours in Christ,
Z. Smyth
|
|
Master of Biblical Study and Ancient Languages With Jesus now.
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,474
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Miniscule Ohio town about which nobody heard
|
|
Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? -
03-25-2011, 06:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman
wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?
|
I'm trying very hard not to say anything. It is difficult. You are lucky you are far away or I would box your ears and make you wash your mouth out with Fels Naptha soap for insulting Felicity that way. You have 4 hours to apologize.
Felicity is a bright young lady (for a girl) but a bit sheltered by her overly protective True Christian™ parents. That is the reason she comes to friends at Landover Baptist Church when she has questions and concerns. At least that way we can buffer her from Unsaved Trash like you.
YiJC, BS
II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Hybrid Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|