Yes, it's sad that Godly Rob Ford has been struck down with a tumor, but it's really his own fault. I did warn him that swimming in Lake Ontario - downstream from my company's petrochemical plant - was OK for trailer trash, but members of the ruling class (such as our appointed stooge Sub-Prime Minister Steven Harper) would be wise to purchase a private lake somewhere further north. Despite the glowing reports on water quality churned out by the now privatized EPA (run by my company!), the basic rule of thumb is that if you wash your car and it takes the paint off, that's water you'd better not swim in.
Speaking of Eskimoland, during this summer I made a brief trip to Fort McMurray in the north of Alberta. It's a place of great history - called a "fort" because General Custer massacred a bunch of Injuns here a long time ago. Anyway, this is the center of the oil sand industry, owned by my company. Normally I would fly in with my Learjet, but this time decided to go with the company's weekly cargo flight, for reasons that should become clear if you read below.
The last time I was there was five years ago, so it was educational to see all the progress that has been made.
Skyline of beautiful Fort McMurray
Visiting the great north - a breath of fresh air!
Scenic drive from airport to downtown
Housing has always been an issue since the oil sands boom first started. With all the workers pouring in, accommodation has been tight. Thus, we've had to work hard to keep up with demand. I'm happy to see that there has been real progress there, and as a result fewer people are taking on roommates. Whereas previously up to 50 workers would squeeze into one tiny apartment, we've now got that down to an average of 30.
Rents start at $6000 per month - easy credit available!
I did say that I flew with a cargo flight. My company runs these regularly from Asia directly to Fort McMurray. This makes sense, since practically every item we sell in
The Company Store™ is made in China. Down in the cargo hold, we also bring in a steady supply of new Chink, Cambodian and Bangladeshi workers, since few survive more than three years on the job.
Eager new recruit from Bangladesh...
...and his sister
As Fort McMurray has grown steadily from a sleepy eskimo igloo village into a modern metropolis, the city is slowly but surely gaining a reputation for its bustling night life. Considering all the Asian contract workers we've brought in, it's not surprising that some of them have moved into better-paying jobs so that they can reduce their debts owed to my company. Some of them hope that - in less than 30 years - they'll be debt-free, so that their kids don't have to work in the oil sand mines (as stipulated in all our worker contracts).
Debt-free in 30 years!
The town also has modern medical facilities. No need to bring your medications with you, as they can be purchased locally on the free market at competitive prices!
Fort McMurray Pharmacy - no prescription necessary!
A modern city with booming night life, right here in North America. Not surprisingly, Fort McMurray is beginning to attract organizations wishing to hold conventions. That's right - Fort McMurray is beginning to compete with Las Vegas for this lucrative business!
Fort McMurray Convention Center
Just this past July, the town hosted three Republican Party family values conferences! Rush Limbaugh even says that rather than attending the weekly family-values conference in the Dominican Republic, he's switching to Fort McMurray, at least during the summer months.
Greeter awaits family values conventioneers
So my advice to visitors to Canada - forget liberal-leftist Toronto with its "No Smoking" zones, solar panels, and homo coffee shops (where Negroes are even allowed to use the same bathrooms as white people!). Visit Fort McMurray - this booming town represents all that is good in America (and it's colony, Canada).