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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspections -
06-05-2008, 11:59 PM
As many of you are aware, today was the day the Ladies of Landover held one of our surprise home inspections in Freehold. For the most part everything was fine, some infractions were handed out for some minor offenses, but the biggest surprise was how unkempt many of you otherwise fine True Christian™ sisters keep your bushes! The last thing we needed were those in our faces when we came around!
This is completely unacceptable! Do you really want your husbands to come home from a hard day's work only to be greeted by shaggy, wild bushes before they even get in the house?
You now have three days to trim your bushes before we come and take another look at them. If you find yourselves having trouble, ask your wetback or Nip gardeners to help. With years of landscaping experience, they will have no problem getting your bushes properly manicured and looking good for your husbands, your community, and for Jesus.
Failure to comply at the end of the three days will result in a fine of $5000 and possible permanent removal of your bushes.
Remember, an unsightly bush reflects badly on you and your husband.
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Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 01:43 AM
As you know, Sister, we don't have bushes in our front yard, but we do have decorative shrubbery around our Learjet's private landing strip that I keep well groomed. For some reason, Mr. Thyme has been quite particular about this since our return from a vacation in Brazil.
Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.
1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .
A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 01:55 AM
I was about to add something about other unspeakable crimes to the Terrorist Update, but then I realized that since the crimes where unspeakable, I can't really speak about them.
But I will anyway, because of the urgency of the situation. It seems that a few people have "those new high tech solar-powered dryers" installed. Now, since anything solar-powered must obviously be created by satanists, you already have your first clue. But it turned out to be even worse than that.
PLEASE HAVE ALL CHILDREN UNDER 21 LEAVE THE ROOM.
HAVE ALL CHILDREN UNDER 21 LEFT THE ROOM YET?
OKAY, I'LL ASSUME YOU'VE HAD ALL CHILDREN UNDER 21 REMOVED FROM THE ROOM. TAKE A DEEP BREATH NOW.
It turned out that they had installed c********! Right out there, in broad daylight, c********! Lowering all of our land values by making us look like some kind of negro ghetto or wetback "reconquista" slum! How dare they! C********!
Fellow patriots, freedom isn't free. It comes only at the cost of etneral vigilence! Keep a watch on your nieghbours backyards, for even those you trust, might, when you let your guard down, put up the backyard clothes-drying device that shall not be named.
P.S., oh right, the bushes. Don't look at me. I only buy recently built homes where bushes have not had time to grow.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 02:34 AM
Sister M&M, I have had a longstanding ROW with my neighbor over the height of his bushes. They're so bushy that I can't even see the sun on some days.
Since he's on my south this makes it a big problem. During winter the bushes are so high that the sun never hits my house.
The city's municipal code states that bushes must be trimmed if they create so much shade on a neighbor's yard so as to be a nuisance, and they are in this case. Each time I ask my neighbor he laughs at me and tells me that the reason that he planted the bushes in the first place was to drive me from my home. What a JERK!! I have cctv installed, and got video of him saying this, but we were too far away for the audio to pick anything up. Still, it does show the neighbor peeping his head in thru the bush to spy on my yard when I'm out there.
I'm not sure what to do anymore. The code inspector won't respond to my letters anymore. They're not interested in bush height or thickness. If I could get you to come by on inspection day and talk to my neighbor that might have more influence than when I talk to him.
Please let me know if you would be willing to do this.
NK
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 05:04 AM
Don't worry, Brother Nobar. Every bush in Freehold has been inspected and if your neighbor's wife or gardener can't do a good trimming job, there's a very good chance of permanent removal.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 05:45 AM
Sister M&M, you were no doubt pleased when you came to The Monthly Visitor and saw that every single bush on the property is neatly trimmed, and the surrounding area completely free of any stubble or other debris.
I try not to be boastful, but I do take extra special care of all the bushes at the Visitor. If Juan, my musky Latino gardener, is not up to the task, then I take shears in hand and carve a lovely topiary!
Of course, I never shape them into animal topiaries; we'd not want anyone confusing one of the bushes for an idol! No, I carve spirals, rods, circles, and other Godly geometric shapes. Why, I even carved one into a circle meeting God's definition once, and THAT was a challenge! (Pi = 3.)
Sister, there is NOTHING I won't do for some well-groomed bush!
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 02:40 PM
It never fails to amaze me how many so-called True Christian™ Ladies allow their Bushes to go untended for so long.
It doesn't take much effort to give a weekly trim, or if your busy schedule doesn't allow you can always get the Gardener to do it for you.
An untrimmed Bush is the sign of an UnGodly mind, that's what I've always said.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 02:52 PM
I really must keep my bush better trimmed. Is this perhaps why Pastor Kenneth left me?
If so, I must say he had some nerve. Just look at his "before and after" pictures:
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 03:58 PM
What shocks me is that if you have even just one bush, why not give it extra attention? That's how God spoke to Moses! I would love, love, LOVE to have a burning bush! Yes, I talk to the Lord all the time and He to me just like He talks to all of us, but if He ever decides to talk to me through my bush, I want to make sure it looks great for Him!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 390
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 10:08 PM
I purposely keep my own bush (I only have the one) neatly trimmed and proper.
I can't imagine any woman not wanting her bush nice and pretty for her husband. I mean, isn't that the one thing we should always do? Please our husbands of course! If a trimmed bush is what it takes then so be it. Come on! It isn't that difficult to do. A little snip there, a little snip here. Makes the whole thing so much more attractive, don't you think? A messy bush is just a disgrace. No sense in it. None at all, I tell you!
Jesus is watching you masturbate.
Nunquam concumbo dutch puellus intra clunis.
numquam futuis, puer Batavica ad te asinus praesepe
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-06-2008, 11:59 PM
Sister Mary Maria, I'm an old hand at pruning, myself. My fiancee loves the way I keep hers (and mine) all tidy and attractive. She especially likes the compliments she gets from the mailman, who always seems to arrive as she's descending her lengthy front steps. He says it's the best bush in the borough!
If I make it to Freehold for a visit and you know of any bushes that need to be groomed a bit, let me know. I'd be happy to lend a hand!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-07-2008, 02:16 PM
I understand that some Ladies keep theirs like this:
Dora Denkins did, too
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-08-2008, 08:09 AM
May I also remind the ladies that their mailbox should be easy to attend to for the postman - I mean, he's not going to ring twice is he?
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-09-2008, 04:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open
May I also remind the ladies that their mailbox should be easy to attend to for the postman - I mean, he's not going to ring twice is he?
Attachment 5235
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An excellent point, Mr. Open! The mailman can't make his delivery if he can't find your box!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,745
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-09-2008, 11:51 PM
Mrs Bathfire has quite a large box bush. Normally it is well trimmed but a week or so back, I noted that it had a large crack, so I left it whilst considering what to do. Mrs Bathfire confessed that she had been tidying up in the garden and pushed something into it and, in her words, “The whole thing just opened up!” She can be quite careless sometimes. If Sister M&M is on a tour of inspection, and requires confirmation, I would urge her to ask Mrs Bathfire to show her her crack.
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-10-2008, 11:40 PM
My daughter's betrothed has confided in me that he takes great pride in keeping his bush neatly trimmed. In fact, he says that he's also volunteered to do a little bush-trimming for some of his teammates in the local men's softball team, even if it takes some extra effort to deal with some of the old-growth forest that some of them have allowed to develop.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-10-2008, 11:54 PM
Pastor Isaac, your future son-in-law sounds like a fine young man. I'm so looking forward to meeting him at your daughter's wedding.
Tell me, did she receive that jar of facial depilatory night cream I sent over to her? It's been known to be very effective in improving the... texture of one's skin.
Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.
1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .
A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-11-2008, 05:17 AM
Sister Mary Maria, I wonder if you could help me with a little shrubbery-related advice.
As you know, I interview the ladies who will be staying at The Monthly Visitor closely (unless they are Platinum or higher Tithers). As part of the interview process, I require the ladies to submit photographs of their homes, so I may see how they keep house; for I expect they will treat my hotel much as they treat their own homes.
One of the ladies in for an interview this past week (I am not at liberty to divulge her name publicly, but we can confer privately) seemed quite all right in most interview sections and credit check, and could readily afford the room rates. However, when she showed me her photographs, my eyes were irresistably drawn to her horrifically overgrown and untamed bush! It was dense and scraggly, with what appeared to be an infestation of small creatures running about in it!
Why, I very nearly screamed!
I asked her, "Ms. _______, don't you think you should do something about that degenerate bush of yours?"
"No," she replied, claiming that she LIKES IT THAT WAY!
Her home was otherwise spotless, but I am at a loss when it comes to deciding whether to take her on or not. Such disrespect for her own bush worries me.
What do you suggest?
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-11-2008, 12:45 PM
Does she live in Freehold? The follow-up inspections went well with a 95% success rate. What were once shaggy and unkempt became some of the most beautiful, well-trimmed bushes we've ever seen. Only 5% had to be removed permanently. You should have heard the screams as they were being yanked out. You'd think they were attached to them or something!
So if this woman lives in Freehold, her bush is either lovely to behold now, or gone forever.
If she doesn't live in Freehold, but belongs to our church, perhaps one of the pastors could have a word with her. Maybe even visit her farm house to take a look at her bush in person.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Shock at the untrimmed bushes in Freehold following inspectio -
06-11-2008, 12:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
...untamed bush! It was dense and scraggly, with what appeared to be an infestation of small creatures running about in it!
What do you suggest?
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Was it ticks & chiggers? Perhaps because she hangs her wet-stuff outdoors and those little buggers can really get into things.
I suggest you have Brother Nobar King give her a good talking-to. It didn't work for Old Iron Crotch, but then again, what would?
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