[BrotherLarry]

As a certified equine gnathologist I know a thing or three about education and as a True Christian™, I know a lot about what God expects of us when it comes to spawning and training soldiers for Christ's Army. That's why I'm coming up with the BrotherLarry Homeschool Curriculum.This is a completely Bible based course of study and can be adapted to fit any home school situation. Among the courses that are available:


K through 6: Let's Play with Jesus: A complete physical education program, designed to get children moving ! Little Johnny or Sally won't just sit idle with modules such as "Let's Clean the Garage" or "Mucking the Neighbor's Pig Barn." The 6th grade course includes "Changing Mommy's Alternator," "Pushing Grandfather's Wheelchair to the Piggly Wiggly," and "Moving Aunt Sue's Grand Piano." I Can Count, Lord!: Your children will squeal with delight as they learn to count with shekels, measure with cubits, and figure distance with furlongs, a day's journey, and a Sabbath day's journey. Let's Read Together, Father God: Starting with the Book of Genesis, your kindergartener through sixth grader will learn simple word like "In," "the" and "beginning" and progress to harder words such as "concupiscence," "begat," and "predestined." Exciting stories abound in the Bible - why not use those stories to enhance your child's education?


7 through 12: Your middle schooler will love our Science Is Fun workshops. Using such hands-on activities as "Can Raisins Dance?" and "Let's Create a Tornado", students learn about carbonated water and its effect on raisins, and the protection God offers from life's storms. Easy to use and very cost effective, you might just find your child LOVING what most public schoolers hate! S-E-X is Dirty and is for Marriage ONLY!: There is an easy way to train children that the marital act is only for the darkened bedroom. You'll teach them the dangers of masturbation (and the fact that God despises it, AND the fact that Jesus is watching), the reason why women should always submit to their husbands so that procreation is accomplished, and that modest apparel is the only virtuous fashion statement. A special module for girls describes menstra-huts (hard to find in most home school programs!). Let's Speak with Other Tongues: Foreign languages are not neglected in this program! And you don't have to be a foreign language expert to teach our easy peasy courses! Introductory Aramaic, Classic Greek, and Homeschool Hebrew are just three of the 12 languages you can offer. They will learn how to say "Praise the Lord," "You will burn in hell, sinner," and other exciting phrases during their VERY FIRST WEEK. Wow!


Many home school programs are outrageously expensive. Not this one! In fact, it is so low-priced that we cannot disclose it in a public forum Wow! We disclose the price AFTER you sign the contract. It's how JESUS wants it. You may send me a private message for further information. Allow 12 - 16 weeks for delivery upon full payment.

[Mary Etheldreda]

With so many more people choosing to home educate their special little snowflakes, it's important to know they're preparing little Junior for Heaven, not Harvard!

Professor Brian Cox (I swear I did not make that up, that's really his name) says science is too important not to be a part of popular culture, and I think your curriculum really hits the nail on the head! I particularly like your science projects like making stalactites with rolled-up paper towel suspended between two glasses of water with Epsom Salts, thus proving it doesn't require millions of years to make crystals grow, and therefore evolution is wrong.

Another favorite with my children was using the scientific method to observe and record data regarding which diaper is most absorbent, thus illustrating how Christ blots out our sin (Isaiah 43:25) and redeems us from the self-defeating, cursed life (Galatians 3:13).

Keep the good ideas coming, Brother! May the LORD bless you in this venture.

[BrotherLarry]

Sister Mary,


As perhaps the greatest authority on the subject of home schooling, I am honored that you think my materials are useful. You may also enjoy these:


Biblical Composition: Students ponder and then write about topics that add to their understanding of Christian concepts. Examples: "So you believe in unicorns, but not God?" "Winning wars with the jawbone of an ass: Christian debate that honors Jesus."


Health and Safety for Girls: "Avoiding Family during The Curse", "How to Wear a Chest Binder," (which teaches why a flat chest attracts True Christian™ men for the right reasons) These are both stand-alone modules that are appropriate for pre-adolescent girls (if you bother schooling them at all)


Health and Safety for Boys: "So WHAT if its Heavy? I said LIFT IT." In order to be protectors and providers, boys learn to ignore common sense and mamby pamby safety stuff to get the job done. "Don't go near her - she's bleeding!" A sensitive and non-embarrassing way to teach boys ages 4-8 why "that time" is unclean. These lessons will carry over into their adulthood.


Family Life: "Daddy is Right - Always" - teaches children to respect the head of the household and how to properly keep mother in submission. "Big Sister let that boy kiss her": This 3 hour enrichment module explores tattling and why sometimes it's just the Christian thing to do.


I am developing more materials all the time, in between keeping the mouths of America's horses healthy. If there is a particular topic you would like to see me provide, I am open to suggestions.

[Elmer G. White]

Dearest Brother Larry,

My heart swells with Spiritual Pride as I see how the Truths™ of Creation Science are finally distributed all over the nation and soon after the Whole World with this emerging curriculum. I am sure that based on this, the children will learn that the main aim of all education is Worship in Praise of Jesus Christ; that all Creation Scientific research aims to Glorify God and His Magnificent Work, the KJV Bible!

However, there is one thing that I'd like to discuss, too. Assessment. While the teaching may be of the highest quality, it will still be necessary to have in-depth exams and quizzes to determine if the child has fulfilled the educational criteria in order to become a citizen of the True Christian™ community and later of Heaven. There are many intricate details to be memorized and learned and, due to that, we do not allow Bibles to be available when our youngsters take these tests at an advanced level. As an example, I give you the well-known data on the air currents on Earth.

Ecclesiastes 1:6-7
The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits.

I have here the standard test of Biblical Science that we usually use at the later stages, the advanced high-school grades in homeschooling!




Now, the answers above are by our top-grade students with advanced knowledge, but we usually accept the 85% limit as a passing grade.

For the SAT test, our standard math test form (with the correct answers for your convenience) is as follows:



1 Peter 3:21
The like figure whereunto even baptism doth also now save us (not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God,) by the resurrection of Jesus Christ:

Now, we are almost certain that the Rapture (1 Thessalonians 4:17) will occur before any of these children reach fornicatory maturity for begetting and enter higher education, but there is also a small chance that Jesus will want us to work a few decades longer to harvest as many souls for Him as possible. Because of this, we also have a college aptitude test for Liberty University and Patriot Bible University. Obviously, most True Christians™ can cover the tuition fees by prayer (John 14:13-14), but sometimes a very talented student can get a scholarship based on top performance in the aptitude test, which is as follows:



Brother Larry, please feel free to consult our Creation Science Department for more tests and quizzes whenever you feel that prayers cannot give you a definite answer immediately. It might be that Jesus is busy and thus gently guides you to utilize the wealth of instruction material that we've already gathered in His glory!

Jude 1:21
Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Is there a PreK line out yet for my sons (the oldest are one)? It's hard living without my husband directing my every move and my father is just so busy and I shouldn't pester him with asking him to write a curriculum when one is available already by a True Christian!

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

Is there a PreK line out yet for my sons (the oldest are one)? It's hard living without my husband directing my every move and my father is just so busy and I shouldn't pester him with asking him to write a curriculum when one is available already by a True Christian!

Sister, I do indeed have some Pre-K materials. You'll need some watercolors, sand, non-toxic glue, some old paper sacks, and popsicle sticks for some of the artistic programs.


Early Bible: In this program, you read to your pre-kindergartener beginning with 1st Chronicles and continuing through Obadiah. These tend to capture young hearts. A CD containing sound effects is included. All you do is press play when you see the arrow button in the special Bible we provide.


I Will NOT Bite People: Kindergarten teachers frown upon youngsters who bite each other. You'll learn how to safely remove this habit from a child's behavior. Since you plan to home school through high school, this module can be continued for 2 years if needed. But I'd consider adopting the child out if biting continues.


ABC Sticker Fun: Characters and Objects from the Bible are on re-usable, static cling stickers that your youngster places on a board. Teaches shape recognition, alphabet, and, of course, the Bible. From Ark to Zechariah, this is a program you and your children will love.


Lift the Flap Atlas: Teaches geography of the Holy Land and United States. Those are the most important places to God, so why waste a child's precious time on 3rd world countries and lesser races?


Let's Trace for Jesus: Your youngster learns eye/hand coordination as he traces drawings of Christ and the Apostles. A buzzer gently shocks your child if he goes outside the lines. Requires a 12 volt car battery, easily found at any used auto parts store or brand new from us for only $299.99.


Water Play and Learning: Children will giggle as they play in water. This program includes a small pool and a large waterproof mat for use indoors. Among the lessons: How do I baptize baby brother? (Teaches the child breath control and the fact that it's wrong to dunk your siblings for too long) Also comes with a lesson on bladder control. You can use the pool for outdoor recreation if desired.


Let's Be Thomas Edison: Teaches the basics of electric light. Should not be used in proximity to the water play equipment. Direct supervision is advised, but the shocks will teach little Johnny or Sally to respect the laws of nature and artificial power.


These are but a few of the selections available for children of this age. I hope they are of interest to you.