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An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
04-09-2011, 04:06 AM
An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI
RETURN JESUS HIS STUFF!
Throughout the centuries the Catholics have claimed to possess various relics linked with Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. One might think that these relics are just simple forgeries, but it must be noted that scientific analysis of some of these relics have confirmed their authenticity. A good example of this is the Shroud of Turin which, until recently, has been dismissed as medieval forgery. However, a recent analysis of the Shroud has actually proven that it dates all the way back to the first century A.D.
Quote:
A carbon-14 test was performed on a sample of the Shroud in 1988 to determine its age. The test, widely publicized at the time, dated the Shroud between 1280 and 1430 A.D., which suggested that the Shroud was a medieval forgery. (Note: As with all carbon-14 tests this was later proven to be inaccurate. For more information about the errors of radiocarbon dating, click HERE!)
However, newer research discovered that the test used a cutting from the Shroud that is now recognized as a 16th-century “patch” or “Invisible” repair — invisible to the naked eye but seen clearly under high magnification. The repair used cotton thread, which is found nowhere else in the Shroud. Nuns had performed the repair to a section of the cloth that had been damaged in a 15th-century fire. The carbon-14 test was performed upon a sample that included both new and original threads, thus yielding the apparently medieval origin. New chemical tests on samples from the original linen move the age of the Shroud back in time to the first century A.D.
Furthermore, the weaving of the linen Shroud is now recognized as consistent with the weaving of first century Palestine, but not 14th-century Europe. New research has also identified pollen grains on the Shroud that some experts claim could only have come from the vicinity of Jerusalem during March and April — Passover time — when such vegetation is in bloom.
For these and other research-based reasons, the cloth is said to be clearly established as an authentic first-century relic from the Near East.
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If this is indeed the case, that these relics are genuine Christian artifacts, they certainly don't belong in the kiddy-fiddling hands of the Catholics. As a matter of fact, the Catholics are not even Christians in the slightest bit and thus they can't possibly be considered the rightful owners of these important relics.
The Shroud of Turin
In reality, these artifacts rightfully belong to Jesus' true Church, the Landover Baptist Church, and thus I hereby challenge the stinking heretics of the Catholic "Church" to RETURN JESUS HIS STUFF!
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Besides the aforementioned Shroud of Turin these relics include:
The Sudarium of Oviedo (along with the Shroud of Turin) is a bloodstained linen cloth in which Jesus' body was wrapped after the crucifixion. It is clearly described in John 20:6-7 which goes as follows:"Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie, And the napkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself."
(The Sudarium was stolen by cathlick heretics in 614 A.D. and is now kept in the Cámara Santa of the Cathedral of San Salvador, Oviedo, Spain.)
This is a relic we are all familiar with. Matthew 27:29 describes it as such:"And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews!"
(This precious artifact was stolen by the cathlicks in 570 A.D. and it is currently kept at the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris, France.)
And last, but not the least...
- The Holy Foreskin of Jesus
This is probably the most important of these relics, since being a former part of baby Jesus' genitalia it is probably being abused repeatedly by catholic pedophile priests. The Catholics are raping baby Jesus as we speak, and thus it is very important that we reclaim this precious relic.Luke 2:21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
(The location of the Holy Foreskin of our Savior is currently unknown, but I believe it is kept hidden in one of the Vatican's secret "sex" chambers.)
Yours sincerely in Christ,
Dr. Isaiah Jones, Ph.D.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
04-09-2011, 08:33 AM
I must congratulate you Dr on providing us with yet another very interesting report. Yes, of course they should immediately hand over these relics to Landover. And the same applies to other European churches who have still got any of His other foreskins.
It is a shame that Mary's intact hymen was never preserved. That would have given God mockers something to think about what?
YiC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Christ's Antiquarius True Christian™ Creation Scientist
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
04-09-2011, 10:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan
It is a shame that Mary's intact hymen was never preserved.
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Yes I'm sure the mary-worshiping cathlicks would have liked that. Thankfully we have no interest in lesser relics that don't concern our Savior directly such as Mary's dresses and bones of deceased saints.
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
04-18-2011, 01:30 AM
I think this is a great movement. For practicality's sake, let's say we could convince those boy loving papists to do just that, where would they send it?
The best way to turn a dishwasher into a snowblower. . . . .
Give her a shovel.
Proverbs 5:19 A husband's commandment! And wives must comply.
19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
07-25-2011, 07:15 PM
- Luke 2:7
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And where is the sacred crib and nappies of our Lord? As a former Papist, I heard Benny talk about these. I also heard him gloat about possessing the Lord's primary school finger paintings, ashtray, and all the stuff our Lord made in shop class !
John 6:53
Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
10-12-2011, 01:12 PM
Inspired by this Godly thread, thank you Dr. Isaiah, I set about retrieving the stolen Jesus stuff here in Ireland. So far I’ve quite a cache.
My first opportunity to get back his stuff came when I was in Belfast and a cafflick preacher claimed the hair in his locket belonged to Jesus, I trounced him and ripped it from around his neck.
At the nearby cafflick church I retrieved a bit of hay said to be from Jesus’ manger. And recently I’ve retrieved a piece of Our Lord’s holy cross from a bunch of homer monks. I know I am doing the lord’s bidding and I know that he wants me to bring this stuff to a true Christian community. I do however need some guidance, what kind of postage should I use to send it to Landover? Should I await the arrival of one of the Senior pastors to come and collect it or should I hide it in my Safety Deposit and await further instruction. I’m only concerned because the retrieval of the piece of Holy Cross was a bit messy and now the Irish Police are looking for it back.
YIC
Liam
Matthew 10:34
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
10-12-2011, 02:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Isaiah Jones
...(The location of the Holy Foreskin of our Savior is currently unknown, but I believe it is kept hidden in one of the Vatican's secret "sex" chambers.)
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"Dr." Jones?
What?
Indiana or something like that?
The Church of Rome does not accept that the foreskin of Jesus exists although there are claims by some of the lads from outlying areas that they possess it... let me give you a good tip... those claims are about as valid as Jesus riding SIDE-SADDLE on any animal whatsoever!
Why do you have a picture of Jesus atop a dinosaur looking like he just stepped out of a Charlotte Brontë novel?
Do you folks really think our Lord and Saviour was so effeminate that He rode around on the backs of animals like an ugly British school-girl looking for a daft member of the royal family to marry, torment and then publicly humiliate by sleeping with anything that moves and might have a daddy who owns Harrods?
I suggest you call up Marvel comics, get your "degree" money back and say a few thousand Hail Marys in apology to Jesus for presenting him as a prancing nancy boy who does not know how to ride the back of a beast.
Bless you, my loafer-light logodaedalus,
Father Mo
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
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Re: An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI: Return Jesus His Stuff! -
10-12-2011, 03:46 PM
You could steal those relicts easily from the Pope.
I know the Schweizergarde is a creepy organisation but you can defeat them with heavy machine-gun fire. Build a team of 10 men dealing with the Schweizers, 10 men distract the italian police plus 5 men for stealing the relicts and the job is done.
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