General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
A Special Weekend at Church -
03-03-2018, 07:41 PM
I hope you'll all pray for our church - a beacon of hope in godless NYC. This weekend has been a special time of revival and fullness of the faith.
Friday was Forgiveness Friday, where we held services from 9AM until 9PM. Everyone went around to the other members of the congregation, telling each other how we forgive them for their sins, such as high and mighty Sister Gunilla and weak and wimpy Brother Bruce. We all prayed together and left our cares and unforgiving spirits on the altar. I even forgave that brat who left his chewing gum on the pew during Sunday evening worship last summer, ruining my expensive $16 genuine Armani pants I bought from a guy in Chinatown.
Today is Salvation Saturday. The doors to the church are open until 9 this evening for anyone who wants to come kneel in front of the LORD GOD and beg His saving grace despite their unworthiness. Wilma Hallenstein, the Jooess who handles the church books, finally admitted she was a Christ killer and acknowledged JESUS as being the Messiah for which her people have been longing. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I wasn't there, but I'm told it was lovely.
At 3 PM I will be ministering to the youths on the topic of seckshual sin with a message called Sodomy and Gonorhea, which is a teaching about how pre-marital lust can cause various STD's. I have colorful slides that I will be showing during my message. I think a good time will be had by all.
The weekend culminates with Super Soaker Sunday, where our newly redeemed members will be baptized and treated to sliders and fries in the Miracle of the Fishes Fellowship Hall. A very special Salvation Sealing Service (Ephesians 4:30) will be held at our 6PM worship. We will lay hands on one another and claim the promises of the Bible regarding eternal security and our future rewards in Heaven. (John 10:28-9) (Matthew 5:12) What an exciting time!
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 11,343
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
|
|
Re: A Special Weekend at Church -
03-04-2018, 03:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
I hope you'll all pray for our church - a beacon of hope in godless NYC. This weekend has been a special time of revival and fullness of the faith. . . Friday was Forgiveness Friday,[. . .] I even forgave that brat who left his chewing gum on the pew during Sunday evening worship last summer, ruining my expensive $16 genuine Armani pants I bought from a guy in Chinatown.
|
Well, that was mighty white Christian of you, BrotherLarry. However, just because Jesus paid the debt owed on our sins against God, it does not mean that we are freed from the earthly debts owed in the workaday world.
Matthew 22:21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Mark 12:1 And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him.
Luke 20:25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's.
Did the obnoxious little child pay for the pants to be cleaned or replaced? There is a good moral lesson to be learned if he is required to do so.
In the meantime, here is a pair of pants that any , (synonymous, really) would be proud to wear:
P.S. Don't concern yourself with the formatting irregularities of the Bible Quotes. Satan is trying to cause difficulties in spreading God's Word. By the power of prayer, his efforts will fail.
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
Last edited by handmaiden; 03-04-2018 at 04:02 PM.
Reason: Praise Jesus! He hath expelled my verse-formatting demons!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 75
Join Date: Aug 2016
|
|
Re: A Special Weekend at Church -
03-05-2018, 09:54 AM
It sounds as if you had a wonderful weekend at your church.
I'm excited for next weekend at our church.
We're having our annual gun sale on Saturday, followed by the Blessing of the Guns on Sunday.
A good time is always had by all.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
|
|
Re: A Special Weekend at Church -
03-07-2018, 12:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden
Well, that was mighty white Christian of you, BrotherLarry. However, just because Jesus paid the debt owed on our sins against God, it does not mean that we are freed from the earthly debts owed in the workaday world.
Matthew 22:21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Mark 12:1 And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's. And they marvelled at him.
Luke 20:25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's.
Did the obnoxious little child pay for the pants to be cleaned or replaced? There is a good moral lesson to be learned if he is required to do so.
In the meantime, here is a pair of pants that any , (synonymous, really) would be proud to wear:
P.S. Don't concern yourself with the formatting irregularities of the Bible Quotes. Satan is trying to cause difficulties in spreading God's Word. By the power of prayer, his efforts will fail.
|
Well it's a good thing all the Ceasars are dead, not counting any beaner named Cesar! (Why do Mexicans gaudily insist on taking on names of prominence? Cesar! Jesus! Goodness!)
It means I can render all I want unto God, heart, body, and tireless palms!
|
|
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
|
|
Re: A Special Weekend at Church -
03-08-2018, 08:49 AM
Brother Larry, I am really sorry I missed the 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. service. Can you send me login credentials to your private video feed? I'd love to watch the whole thing from beginning to end!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: A Special Weekend at Church -
03-08-2018, 03:06 PM
Brother FM:
Absolutely! It's gratifying to know that you have an interest in people you don't even know. For me, that's one of the traits of a True Christian™. Won't you let me know your thoughts after viewing it?
Larry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|