[Cranky Old Man]

Worse than CHILD PORN!
It is no news that Lego was created by evil Denmarkians as a way to introduce porn to innocent children:


But Lego decided that even child porn wasn't evil enough for them. Something much worse was needed to achieve their goal of preventing every child on the planet from going to Heaven by sending them straight to Hell. To achieve this goal, Lego has now introduced board games so horrible, so evil, that I have to advice all those with a weak stomach to stop reading now! Please excuse me while I puke in anticipation of what I am going to write down here.

Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Creationary
Disguised as a Christian game based on creationism, this game specifically targets Christian families. When you look closer though, you will see that the female on the left is dressed as a whore. Also it has both a tractor and a dinosaur while every Christian child knows these never coexisted as all dinosaurs died in the great flood God created to kill all humans but a few for pissing Him off. The only thing honest about this game is the warning on the box that people might choke on their own vomit while playing this game.


Wild Wool
For some reason this game is very popular in New Zealand. Aimed at 5 year old children (!) this game has one repulsive goal. Teaching innocent children that bestiality by raping sheep is a good thing!


Harry Potter Hogwarts
All True Christians™ know the make believe world of Harry Potter is driving children to the edge of insanity! And who could forget that those subliminal messages in Harry Potter movies turn girls into harlots! But no, as if we burned all those Harry Potter books for nothing, Lego creates a Harry Potter board game! The goal of the game is to create Hogwards and then to reenact the gay sex scene edited out of final Harry Potter book!


Pirate Code
Designed by True Pastafarian™ Jo Freddie himself, this game teaches children God is a silly Flying Spaghetti Monster. This horrible horrible game also teaches children to steal money from innocent large American corporations instead of working for these corporations until they get a well deserved heart attack after which they will go to Heaven.

[Felicity]

@Cranky Old Man I am so glad my father never allows me to have toys!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

There are only two reasonsthat they make LEGOs in little pieces where you have to assemble them. It's not to promote creativity. You can only build one thing with them anyway. No, the reason they are divided into little pieces is so kids can A) choke on them, or B) insert them in their anus.

[awesomeness]

Is this what the danish parents are teaching their kids? No wonder why we see so many disturbed danish people around these boards.

[Lycia The Repentant]

I think their ultimate goal is to get all heterosexual men to stop being interested in women and start committing sodomy with these abominations.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

What is she supposed to be, a Simpsons-Smurf hybrid?

I do like the look on her face. It's as though she's thinking, "Who are you, and who told you that you could touch me??"

Further proof that Legos are evil. Even a Lego harlot has a bad attitude instead of being properly submissive to any man who comes along with a buck in his hand.

[Brian Payne]

Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins

There are only two reasonsthat they make LEGOs in little pieces where you have to assemble them. It's not to promote creativity. You can only build one thing with them anyway. No, the reason they are divided into little pieces is so kids can A) choke on them, or B) insert them in their anus.

That is outragesly wrong.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Brian Payne

That is outragesly wrong.

No, I am right and you are wrong. LEGO works like a puzzle, and you can only build one thing out of them. But it's nothing like the picture on front. It's more of a multi-colored phallus. It is a trick to turn our children into phallus worshipers. I know because I have done it myself.

[The_Halfwit_Atheist]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

Worse than CHILD PORN!
It is no news that Lego was created by evil Denmarkians as a way to introduce porn to innocent children:


But Lego decided that even child porn wasn't evil enough for them. Something much worse was needed to achieve their goal of preventing every child on the planet from going to Heaven by sending them straight to Hell. To achieve this goal, Lego has now introduced board games so horrible, so evil, that I have to advice all those with a weak stomach to stop reading now! Please excuse me while I puke in anticipation of what I am going to write down here.

Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Creationary
Disguised as a Christian game based on creationism, this game specifically targets Christian families. When you look closer though, you will see that the female on the left is dressed as a whore. Also it has both a tractor and a dinosaur while every Christian child knows these never coexisted as all dinosaurs died in the great flood God created to kill all humans but a few for pissing Him off. The only thing honest about this game is the warning on the box that people might choke on their own vomit while playing this game.


Wild Wool
For some reason this game is very popular in New Zealand. Aimed at 5 year old children (!) this game has one repulsive goal. Teaching innocent children that bestiality by raping sheep is a good thing!


Harry Potter Hogwarts
All True Christians™ know the make believe world of Harry Potter is driving children to the edge of insanity! And who could forget that those subliminal messages in Harry Potter movies turn girls into harlots! But no, as if we burned all those Harry Potter books for nothing, Lego creates a Harry Potter board game! The goal of the game is to create Hogwards and then to reenact the gay sex scene edited out of final Harry Potter book!


Pirate Code
Designed by True Pastafarian™ Jo Freddie himself, this game teaches children God is a silly Flying Spaghetti Monster. This horrible horrible game also teaches children to steal money from innocent large American corporations instead of working for these corporations until they get a well deserved heart attack after which they will go to Heaven.

A) I have never seen a set like THAT. I could procure pictures of pretty much anything you like and morph it into something inappropriate.
"These are just blocks," retorted Monika Filipowska, a psychologist interviewed by the Super Express newspaper. "Linking them to Satan is just wrong, and all that will happen is that children will be afraid of them now."
Really? You think that it is Satan's toy? Are you serious?
C)

the past I have warned others of the obvious evil associated with Lego Blocks. It is unseemly for myself as an unmarried woman to mention such things, but it seems the Lord has led me to speak in this matter.

Legos are hermaphroditic in nature. They can connect on either side. One side penetrates (shudder) while the other side is penetrated (bigger shudder). Each Lego can perform either action or both actions at the same time. This is the most foul and unnatural function any person or toy can serve.

A box of Lego Blocks is an orgy of mixed connections. This is reason enough for these toys and the makers thereof to burn in cleansing fire.

Delicately Yours,

Handmaiden

Wow. Just wow. What about Tinker Toys? Those should be under even heavier fire! How would YOU design a building toy? Oh, right. You Christians condemn them because of your god. Meaning? Your 'god' (I am SO gonna get ANOTHER infraction for that) DOES NOT WANT PEOPLE TO LEARN HOW TO BE CREATIVE. HE DOES NOT ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WHO INVENT THINGS. A.K.A. If everyone was always a Christian, we would still lack the wheel. Nice job, guys.
All your other points are preposterous. The 'whore' is dressed like many people do nowadays. Oh right, everyone should be a nun?
The dinosaur and the tractor is obviously not historic. Lego does not make historic sets like that. They make sets based on movies and popular LEGO series, not historic series.
Billy Bob Jenkins...
I DO NOT BUILD PORN!

I merely learned through experimentation that no matter how you assemble LEGOs, the end result will appear phallic. It might be a short stubby phallus, or a long skinny phallus, it might be a black phallus, a white phallus, a red phallus, or a rainbow colored phallus, but it will be a phallus! TRUE Christians™ do not buy build-your-own-male-idol kits for their children at Christmas time!

Uhmm.
Ever tried putting two two by four pieces next to each other, connected at the bottom by a two-by two and at the top by a two-by-two.
There. Not a dick.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by The_Halfwit_Atheist

I DO NOT BUILD PORN!

And then you go on and on and on about making tallywhackers with Lego.

I would be angry if I wasn't looking forward to you bleeding to death after you are done inserting Lego dicks in your behind. Jesus certainly got creative when he created you.

Isaiah 45:7
King James Version (KJV)

7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.

[Didymus Much]

Originally Posted by The_Halfwit_Atheist

...If everyone was always a Christian, we would still lack the wheel...

So? Everyone would go to Heaven, and if you believe in God, THAT'S the most important thing.

Live with a wheel for 70-ish years or go to Heaven. Tough call.

NOT.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by The_Halfwit_Atheist

Your 'god' (I am SO gonna get ANOTHER infraction for that) DOES NOT WANT PEOPLE TO LEARN HOW TO BE CREATIVE. HE DOES NOT ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WHO INVENT THINGS.

Your point? The imagination is a dangerous thing. You can sin just by using your imagination (Matthew 5:28). The LORD demands loyalty (Deuteronomy 11:1), which is His right, seeing how He created us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Originally Posted by The_Halfwit_Atheist

A.K.A. If everyone was always a Christian, we would still lack the wheel.

Nonsense. The wheel existed before Christ. How do you think the iron chariots got away from the LORD (Judges 1:19)? Bounced?