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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Eagle Gaysurance Now Available - 05-22-2019, 07:37 PM

Something on the mind of every True Christian™ parent:


What if my child chooses to be gay?


Well, never fear (Isaiah 41:10)! Now YOU can be positive that your little Johnny or Jennifer will not choose the wicked gay lifestyle! You may ask, but HOW can I be positive that my little Johnny or Jennifer will not choose to be gay? The answer is so simple:


GAYSURANCE. (A BrotherLarry Solution)


Gaysurance pays you if little Johnny or Jennifer choose to be gay until the age of 21! For each occurrence of gayness, Gaysurance pays you $1200 in TAX FREE CASH. But does it really really work?


Listen to what LP of New York City has to say: "I was worried my little Johnny might turn out to be a fag. I knew I couldn't afford the elaborate clothing such a son would require - and those trips to the hairdresser! I was so on edge all the time I was with child. Then I heard about Gaysurance. Naturally, I was skeptical - but I tried it and - Golly! - even though little Johnny is only 8, I feel he's going to be straight like his Dad, Lance."


Still not satisfied? Just read what LP of NY wrote in an email:


"My Jennifer wanted to dress like a boy from the time she was 10. When she became 18, she was wearing flannel, boots, and drove truck. I would be devastated, but since I bought Gaysurance, I collect a stipend of $1200 per month and it makes my car payment a breeze! Sure, Jennifer is going to hell, but I love my Dodge Stratus."


Can YOU have this peace of mind? Absolutely. Simply contact me for a rate quote and then sit back and relax knowing that Gaysurance is on your side. Unfortunately, this coverage is not available in San Francisco or Key West. Void where prohibited. Gaysurance (A Brother Larry Solution) can not guarantee your child will be straight but can guarantee a handsome monthly stipend should little Johnny or Jennifer choose homer lifestyles.


Contact me today!


Your child's name must be Johnny or Jennifer to qualify. Other names may be covered but this is at the sole discretion of the insurer and requires a monthly fee of $3000 for a period of 19 years. Not available in Canada or other third world countries.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-22-2019, 08:35 PM

I take it that there is a "pre-existing condition" clause?




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-22-2019, 10:30 PM

I am not sure why this would be needed, since the choice of being gay usually comes after one is born and so I don't think there is a choice involved in a pre-way. I will discuss this with my lawyer to see if we need one.


I shouldn't think an old coot like you would much need my product anyway. (I mean that in a spirit of Christian charity of course. You still have a great mind.)


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-27-2019, 04:28 PM

1. Would family members living in Australia be covered?

2. Is there a discount for parents instructing their progeny NOT to choose the homosex lifestyle?

———> Deuteronomy 21:18-21
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-27-2019, 04:36 PM

What will your gaysurance company do to investigate possible fraudulent claims? In other words, how will your company know if it’s really a gay or a false claim?


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-27-2019, 06:55 PM

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Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
What will your gaysurance company do to investigate possible fraudulent claims? In other words, how will your company know if it’s really a gay or a false claim?
I think the company can safely leave it to Brother Larry to establish that.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 04:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
I think the company can safely leave it to Brother Larry to establish that.
Your confidence in my abilities is refreshing.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 04:15 AM

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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post

Your child's name must be Johnny or Jennifer to qualify. Other names may be covered but this is at the sole discretion of the insurer and requires a monthly fee of $3000 for a period of 19 years. Not available in Canada or other third world countries.
I have a John - can I get a discount or some kind of deal for that?


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 04:57 AM

Hello again. I've been witnessing to a family in Brussels. Well, they're based in Brussels but travel around a fair bit. I'm worried about their three boys in private education (theoretically in England but they seem to travel all the time too) named Cyprian, Guinevere and Aubrey. Can I recommend your product to them?
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 02:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Hello again. I've been witnessing to a family in Brussels. Well, they're based in Brussels but travel around a fair bit. I'm worried about their three boys in private education (theoretically in England but they seem to travel all the time too) named Cyprian, Guinevere and Aubrey. Can I recommend your product to them?
Well duh. How am I supposed to make money if satisfied customers don’t spread the word? But with those names there will be a surcharge and the underwriter may be reluctant to draw up the policy. I urge you to try by sending all the necessary fees. Unfortunately we can not issue refunds but isn’t someone’s soul worth the investment?


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 02:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
I have a John - can I get a discount or some kind of deal for that?
For a $500 surcharge I can try to get you a policy. No promises and no refund.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 02:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
1. Would family members living in Australia be covered?

2. Is there a discount for parents instructing their progeny NOT to choose the homosex lifestyle?

———> Deuteronomy 21:18-21
All third world countries are covered if the insured have all vaccinations. No discounts. Lots of people brought up to be normal choose the homer lifestyle so it just isn’t fiscally prudent.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-28-2019, 06:16 PM

I notice your premiums amount to 3000 a month but if you file a claim you get 1200 in compensation. I’m a female so I’m not good at math at all and will trust that there’s a hefty tithe to go alongside the compensation in these dire times.


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Default Re: Gaysurance Now Available - 05-29-2019, 04:33 PM

Income from insurance policies is unlikely to be exempt from tithing obligations.

Acts 4:33 – 5:10
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