Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > The introduction forum
Reload this Page Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Stove Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently? - 01-22-2019, 10:49 PM

What church do I go to?

- I don't go to any church yet because I have not been able to find any churches here in Iowa that actually practice the King James Bible (you know, rather than just saying they do)


What is my favorite Bible verse?


- My favorite Bible verse is John 6:35


And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.


How did I come to find Jesus?


- I came to find Jesus when I saw his face in my toasted english muffin.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 751
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Podunk, Nebraska
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Prayer Re: My Introduction - 01-22-2019, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I don't go to any church yet because I have not been able to find any churches here in Iowa that actually practice the King James Bible (you know, rather than just saying they do)
Try and locate whatever church Steve King goes to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My favorite Bible verse is John 6:35


And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.
Kind of generic, to be honest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I came to find Jesus when I saw his face in my toasted english muffin.
Exodus 20:4


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Brother Gonzalez's Avatar
Brother Gonzalez Brother Gonzalez is offline
Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz"
True Christian™
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Christian Love Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture Trump of GOD Hands Off Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Mission to Messico Flat Earth True Christian™ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Donald Trump 2016! Babysitter Outreach preacher Touched by Jesus Ex-Mary Worshipper 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Hatchet Child Rearing Award Alternative Facts Kirk Cameron Fan Club Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Righteousness Mower Crown of Life Probing for Jesus The Gonz GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 1,700
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ungodly South America
Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 12:17 AM

Oh! A mocker! Shocking!

Anyway, is Iowa still a thing outside Freehold? I though they would have closed by now. Specially Des Moines.


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Esther B. Esther B. is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture 

 
Posts: 544
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Under the watchful eye of my father
Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 01:39 AM

A very cautious welcome to you.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 10,055
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 02:03 AM

Seems to me that Muffin muffed.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Try and locate whatever church Steve King goes to.


Kind of generic, to be honest.


Exodus 20:4
Steve King is a Papist. Although I admire his political work, the fact remains that Papists are not Christians. They do not practice the King James Bible.


I am not worshipping my English muffin - After all, I am not a transubstantiation-believing Papist. But I did find Jesus by seeing the imprint of his face on my toasted English muffin.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 751
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Podunk, Nebraska
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Rebuke Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 03:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Steve King is a Papist.
Well that's news to me. If so, he is a prime candidate for conversion to True Christianity.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Although I admire his political work, the fact remains that Papists are not Christians. They do not practice the King James Bible.
Oh gee, really? Unsaved trash such as yourself should not presume to lecture a True Christian. Mind your place.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
am not worshipping my English muffin - After all, I am not a transubstantiation-believing Papist. But I did find Jesus by seeing the imprint of his face on my toasted English muffin.
Please provide chapter and verse where the Lord Jesus Christ promises to return in the form of burnt breakfast. This was probably the actual face you saw:


Does the toast speak to you as well? Does it tell you to do things?


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Jim C. Lombardo's Avatar
Jim C. Lombardo Jim C. Lombardo is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture 

 
Posts: 559
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
Jim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureJim C. Lombardo has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 06:09 AM

Your username has me very concerned. You are a muffin man - what Christian man would take a woman's role as a profession? I fear your prolonged baking of tasty goods has made you soft, as evident by your terse answers that tell us almost nothing.


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 10:27 PM

Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"

Although this this is not a reference to his Awesome and Glorious Second Coming, it is a promise that his face will appear in your toast.


No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.


I don't bake any of the tasty goods I enjoy eating. My wife does. The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 751
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Podunk, Nebraska
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Bible Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 11:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.
Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Social Construct's Avatar
Social Construct Social Construct is offline
Unsaved trash
Social Justice (false) Christian

So much snowflakeyness he needs an avalanche warning.
 

Barney Marxist Special Snowflake Commmmmunnissss Parking Lot Tither Cherry-picker 

 
Posts: 41
Join Date: Jan 2019
Social Construct is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Social Construct is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Social Construct is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 12:50 AM

Are you aware that the word muffin is the damage-dealing component of the word "muffintop" a weapon used by fat-shamers to assault women?

No, obviously your privilege blinds you. Repent!


Trigger Warning: the text you have just read may have caused: flashbacks to historical oppression, normalization of whiteness, hegemonic hyper-masculinity (if I must say so myself), assumption of genders, species, and/or status as a living being, other problematic sins which are yet to be discovered and outlawed but I should still be (eventually) punished for.
Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?

Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.



While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.
1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast. Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread. I used to be an ignorant heathen up until that morning after my marriage when I saw the face of Jesus in my toasted English muffin. My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.


2. My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma. This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?
Reply With Quote
(#13)
Old
Joanna Lytton-Vasey's Avatar
Joanna Lytton-Vasey Joanna Lytton-Vasey is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Christian Love Heaven Bound Most Obedient True Christian Lady True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Kirk Cameron Fan Club Touched by Jesus Quiverful Cleanest Kitchen Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls One Year/1000 posts The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Grammar Nazi Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico Hands Off Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award In Love With Zeke Pro-Life Ex-eurotrash Persecuted Stamp of Approval Mower Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 4,493
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Garden of England
Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers?
As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Reply With Quote
(#14)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 751
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Podunk, Nebraska
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Bible Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast.
So can Michael Jackson.



It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread.
I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
I used to be an ignorant heathen
Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.
You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma.
Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:
  1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
  2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
  3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?
Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)!


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#15)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 751
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Podunk, Nebraska
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
flag Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 10:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna
You mean the Freedom Toast? I'll be sure and remind her.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
Reply With Quote
(#16)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 11:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
So can Michael Jackson.



It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:


I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.



Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.



You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book.


Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:
  1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
  2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
  3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.
Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)!
All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?


Where, might I ask, were you looking when you found Jesus?
Reply With Quote
(#17)
Old
Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
South of the Border outreach program
True Christian™
 

Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Persecuted Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Bronze Tither Paula Deen Negro Support Group One Year/1000 posts Touched by Jesus In Love With Zeke TC Bravery 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Mower Roper Crossburn Guns, Guts and GLORY! Mission to Korea True Christian Lady Ex-eurotrash Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Crown of Incorruptibility BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Glory GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 10,055
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Basilissa will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-24-2019, 11:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?
Hey Muff, are you familiar with the concept of a "parable?" Jesus really liked them.
Reply With Quote
(#18)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 07:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Hey Muff, are you familiar with the concept of a "parable?" Jesus really liked them.
Yeah, but at the Last Supper, didn't Jesus say "this do in remembrance of me"? How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret that? I always thought it meant something like "Keep toasting your English muffins, and I will imprint my face on them, and that is how you will find me."


But now that I think about it, these words are not found in my King James Bible, so that can't be what it means. How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret the commandment of Jesus, "this do in remembrance of me"?
Reply With Quote
(#19)
Old
Joanna Lytton-Vasey's Avatar
Joanna Lytton-Vasey Joanna Lytton-Vasey is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Christian Love Heaven Bound Most Obedient True Christian Lady True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Kirk Cameron Fan Club Touched by Jesus Quiverful Cleanest Kitchen Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls One Year/1000 posts The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Grammar Nazi Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico Hands Off Saved 1 Year 2015 Witch Hunt Award In Love With Zeke Pro-Life Ex-eurotrash Persecuted Stamp of Approval Mower Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire 

 
Posts: 4,493
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Garden of England
Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Joanna Lytton-Vasey will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 07:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Yeah, but at the Last Supper, didn't Jesus say "this do in remembrance of me"? How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret that? I always thought it meant something like "Keep toasting your English muffins, and I will imprint my face on them, and that is how you will find me."
You need to bear in mind that English muffins (which are neither English nor what the English call muffins, fact fans!) had not been invented at the time.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Reply With Quote
(#20)
Old
MuffinMan's Avatar
MuffinMan MuffinMan is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

The Dimmest Light of the Month Award 

 
Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2019
MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.MuffinMan is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My Introduction - 01-25-2019, 08:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
You need to bear in mind that English muffins (which are neither English nor what the English call muffins, fact fans!) had not been invented at the time.
Good point. So now I'm wondering: What bread did Jesus use at the Last Supper, according to the Landover Baptist Church?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
bread, cereal killer, cornfed, iowa, retards: get on the short bus

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved