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Default List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households! - 09-02-2009, 11:52 PM

After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gourd
Keilbasa
Choriszzo
Puffed Wheat
Churros

Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus
Brownies (we know what they add!)

If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips

We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice
Sushi
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
Haggis
Curry
Couscous
abuelita-granulado

Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli
Eel
Squid

Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)

Reminder that it's the devil's fruit
Pumpkins

Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Last edited by Mrs. Mary Whitford; 09-05-2009 at 05:14 PM. Reason: More
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-02-2009, 11:56 PM

Just a reminder; the ban on pumpkin possession is still in effect. Those are satan's favorite fruits, people. Call a Pastor if you see your neighbor even touch one.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 12:02 AM

Members are warned to be cautious of death by sugar.
Quote:
"Even the smallest amount of sugar dust can ignite an explosion. People should be careful."


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 12:09 AM

Pastor Zeke, I heard a rumor that Reggie Bundy is planning on making a pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town, in the old car lot where Grand Ave. peters out into a dirt road. You might remember him as that man who not only let his kids go out trick-or-treating, but let them dress as a witch and a devil. Supposedly since he's been out of work for the last six months, he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.

I think we should wait after he spends all his money, then have Bobby-Joe and "the plumbers" go and deal with the situation. There ain't gonna be any jack o'lanterns around Freehold this year.



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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 12:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.
How much do you think he paid for the seeds?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 12:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs

Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus

If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips

We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice

Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli

Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)

Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.
You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!




Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 12:25 AM

I am happy to report the only thing on the list in our house was commercially grown, Iceburg lettuce. I have to admit, I love the crunch on my Roast Beef with American cheese (white) on home made sourdough bread.

Unless the food is 100% American, picked (or killed) by hand in the US of A, we do not touch it.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 01:28 AM

We should add a list of homer causing food as well, such as Skittles and Froot loops -- or perhaps add it under the Hippies are Godless scum category.


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Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Romans 1:20
For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 02:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gord
Keilbasa (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Puffed Wheat (Also add to Hippies List)
Brownies (Gay AND Anti-American)


Breakfast sausage links are OK because they are American and soooooo delicious. Although at my house I only make the patties and not the links.




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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 03:26 AM

Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.

And since I am single and have little food in the house anyway, I am definitely out of my area of expertise. That reminds me -- the few things in my fridge are growing fuzz again. Time for another clean out.


_
_

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Romans 1:20
For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
2 Timothy 2:15
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 03:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by David Goldman View Post
Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.
No you did not. There were some quick phone calls made and they were added on your suggestion.


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Oakland "Reb" Griner Oakland "Reb" Griner is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 04:03 AM

Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)



Glad to see that culinary abomination on the list !!

Who ever thunk up making sausage out of an animals lymphatic and immune systems tissues was totally depraved.


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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 05:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Just a reminder; the ban on pumpkin possession is still in effect. Those are satan's favorite fruits, people. Call a Pastor if you see your neighbor even touch one.
I thought Richard Simmons was Satan's favorite fruit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway View Post
You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!
And don't forget eel and squid! They cause desire for tentacle rape and submission to Cthulhu!

UnAmerican foods:

Curry
Couscous
Anything served with a goat's ear


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Xmeagol Xmeagol is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 04:11 PM

I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.
2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!
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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 05:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xmeagol View Post
I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.
God said so.
Quote:
2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!
Do your own work on the road to Salvation™




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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David Goldman's Avatar
David Goldman David Goldman is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 06:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xmeagol View Post
I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.
2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!
In your case, Smeagol with an X, you can probably just ignore this list and just eat whatever you want. I seriously doubt that you are in a True Christian™ household (note the thread title), and I suspect that you have been fast-tracked for Hell anyway. So Bon Appetit, and enjoying it while you can.


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Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Romans 1:20
For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
2 Timothy 2:15
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

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Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-03-2009, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I have to admit, I love the crunch on my Roast Beef with American cheese (white) on home made sourdough bread.
Brother, you may wish to rethink the sourdough bread. I've been told that it's part of the culture of Sin Francrisco, and we wouldn't want to give those people special privileges by eating their bread.


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apple9 apple9 is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-04-2009, 12:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gord
Keilbasa
Choriszzo
Puffed Wheat

Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus
Brownies (we know what they add!)

If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips

We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice
Sushi
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
Haggis

Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli

Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)

Reminder that it's the devil's fruit
Pumpkins

Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.
i can comply with all but one of those
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Mrs. Mary Whitford's Avatar
Mrs. Mary Whitford Mrs. Mary Whitford is offline
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Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-04-2009, 06:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by apple9 View Post
i can comply with all but one of those
Well it's fortunate you're not a True Christian™ then.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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All a-Twitter for Salvation!
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Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households - 09-04-2009, 06:11 AM

I'm sure glad that pancakes didn't make this list. And popcorn, too. Are waffles OK as long as you don't call them Belgican waffles?


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