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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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(#101)
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Witch Hammer's Avatar
Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 08:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Dear Witch Hammer,

I do not know what I did to hurt your feelings but it hurts me to see you in agony. I apologize for anything that may have made you feel bad and I hope you feel better now.
Okay, fair enough. Now please apologize to Jesus with the same depth of pathos.
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(#102)
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Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 08:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
In fact, my nose is so out of joint about this, I won't be satisfied until you start a new thread and publicly grovel for Jesus and my forgiveness therein!
Dear Witch Hammer,

Since you are a True Christian™, this scatting incident should be of no worry to you. You are without sin. My acts as a Pastafarian have no influence on your matters with Christ.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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(#103)
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 08:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Dear Witch Hammer,

Since you are a True Christian™, this scatting incident should be of no worry to you. You are without sin. My acts as a Pastafarian have no influence on your matters with Christ.
That is correct. Still, I bristle when the unsaved get their dander up. It rouses me for a brutal game of wack-a-mole.
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(#104)
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 09:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
[doublespeak]
Our introduction section is for describing The Jesus, not a Jesus.

In this Guide for the Lost suggesting the grindcore (such as Epilepsy of Democracy) or even worse (anything from Merzbow) would be particularly unhelpful I'd have thought. Wouldn't you?

There is no Salvation in tentacles.

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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
[..]
There is no Salvation in tentacles.

This looks like a delicious, tasty and simple recipe. For some reason squid and octopi seem less desirable for the market dwellers here and I can buy it for cheap. For reference I will post the complete recipe.

Quote:
Ingredients

  • noodles - 1 pack
  • octopus - 14 oz (400 g) boiled
  • onions - 2 cloves red
  • garlic - 4 cloves
  • tomatoes - 28 oz (800 g)
  • olive oil - 1/5 cup (60 ml)
  • black pepper
  • salt
Preparation on Spaghetti with Octopus

Boil pasta, drain and leave it in a covered container.

Cut the octopus large, and the onion, and garlic too. Heat a wide and deep pot with fat and fry the onion and garlic.

Add octopus, stir and add chopped tomatoes. Leave everything to boil until the sauce is thickened.

Finally, season with spices, add some cherry tomatoes and a few minutes later, pour in the pasta. Stir and remove from the heat.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
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(#106)
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert William View Post
Burn in Hell.
Yes Robert, I know that it is still my destiny too. I am not a True Christian. I am going to Burn in Hell, if I go on the path I still am.

But I have hope. I pray every day to have the mercy from JESUS so that he enters me, He fills me and touches me even deeper he has yet done.

Until now Jesus has been so merciful to me, I have still time to repent. That is the LOVE from JESUS

He has not taken me away from this life. He has shown in his Word, the BIBLE everything: BIBLE is full of simple, easy understandable rules. Only HIS GRACE can save. I am no good and I do not deserve Heaven. I am a wretched one and it is only GOD's decision if he wants to save me.

Here is a brilliant writing from Brother Harry Hardwick. I think You should read it. Makes you understand better and control your hateful and morbid behaviour.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/easyaspie.html
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(#107)
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 09:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Since I did not know what scatting is I had to Google it, or more precisely Youtube it. I fail to see how Ella Fitzgerald is porn, other than maybe to hardcore Jazz aficionado´s. I certainly would not call it inappropriate.
Not sure, but perhaps he was banned for attacking their free will idol.


Rom 9:13 As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.
Rom 9:14 What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.
Rom 9:15 For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. Rom 9:16 So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.
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Question Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 10:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert William View Post
Not sure, but perhaps he was banned for attacking their free will idol.
Billy, who is this idol you talk about?


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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(#109)
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Robert William, Spiritual Dunce Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is offline
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Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Robert William, Spiritual Dunce is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-15-2015, 10:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho View Post
Yes Robert, I know that it is still my destiny too. I am not a True Christian. I am going to Burn in Hell, if I go on the path I still am.

But I have hope. I pray every day to have the mercy from JESUS so that he enters me, He fills me and touches me even deeper he has yet done.

Until now Jesus has been so merciful to me, I have still time to repent. That is the LOVE from JESUS

He has not taken me away from this life. He has shown in his Word, the BIBLE everything: BIBLE is full of simple, easy understandable rules. Only HIS GRACE can save. I am no good and I do not deserve Heaven. I am a wretched one and it is only GOD's decision if he wants to save me.

Here is a brilliant writing from Brother Harry Hardwick. I think You should read it. Makes you understand better and control your hateful and morbid behaviour.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/easyaspie.html
Since YHWH demands nothing less than 100% perfection and will not wink at one single sin, if it was up to me I would be cooked, salvation is a free gift and cannot be earned as the Romanites teach.


Rom 9:13 As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.
Rom 9:14 What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.
Rom 9:15 For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. Rom 9:16 So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-16-2015, 08:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert William View Post
Since YHWH demands nothing less than 100% perfection and will not wink at one single sin, if it was up to me I would be cooked, salvation is a free gift and cannot be earned as the Romanites teach.
Are you a joo?
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-16-2015, 09:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho View Post
Are you a joo?
I was wondering whether he might be a lapsed papist who's taken up with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 02-18-2015, 05:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
So often is the question asked by wanderers and the destitute, "How Do I get Saved?"

This is perhaps the most important question you will ever ask.

Fortunately, you are in the presence of True Christians who are more enlightened than you!

All your questions are answered here!


1. How do I get saved?

Allow us to introduce you to somebody: His name is JESUS CHRIST, and He gave up His temporary life on Earth to allow you a chance to escape the damnation He has in store for you!

The Bible tells us that we must believe in JESUS in order to be redeemed:

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. - John 3:18

JESUS is the only way to get to Heaven:

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
- John 14:6

One of the fundamental, reoccurring themes of the Bible is that humans are insufficient and useless on their own:

But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. - Isaiah 64:6

Finally, you must confess your sins to GOD:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:9

If you accept that you are worthless on your own, and you recognize that JESUS is the Son of GOD and is the only way to Heaven, and you confess your sins, you can be saved! You are really on your way to happiness!


2. Is it enough just to believe in JESUS?

No!

JESUS, being the ultimate manifestation of love and justice, says that if we really care about Him at all, we will do everything He says:

If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15

You can learn more about what GOD's rules are for His people by reading the entire Bible all the way through.


3. Can my family and friends be saved?

Maybe!

Because of the way the system is set up, it is a requirement of salvation that each person believe in JESUS and confess Him as their LORD.

And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. - Acts 8:37

GOD has given us freewill to either choose the free gift of eternal life by doing everything He says, or eternal damnation in a lake of fire by disobedience.

(This may sound like an ultimatum, but really it's a choice.)

This means that any person who will not or cannot believe or understand is going to Hell.

One of the best ways to get your friends and family to be saved is to tell them the Good News of salvation through JESUS CHRIST, and that failure to comply with this offer will result in damnation and eternal torment.


4. What if my friends and family won't accept CHRIST?

They may be your friends and family, but GOD's sentiments towards these people are made very clear:

And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. - Ephesians 5:11

There is no such thing as a good unbeliever:

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
- Psalm 14:1

In Old Testament times, family and friends who didn't worship GOD were sentenced to death:

6 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;

7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;


8 Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:


9 But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. - Deuteronomy 13:6-9


If your friends and family don't worship the One True GOD of the Bible, it's time to break off contact until they reconsider!


5. Which parts of the Bible should I follow?

All of it!

GOD wouldn't have wrote it down otherwise!

What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it. - Deuteronomy 12:32

If you break just one point of the law, it's just like you've broken them all:

For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
- James 2:10

This includes the Old Testament:

For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.
- Romans 15:4


6. Is there an unpardonable sin?

If you turn away from GOD's Spirit, how can you receive salvation?

28 Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:

29 But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation. - Mark 3:28-29


7. Where can I learn more?

Christian Advice and Messages of Hope! GOD's Greatest Hits!

The Most MISUNDERSTOOD Passage in All the Bible (Matthew 7:1-5)

You Knew NOTHING Of Morality Before You Came Here

Who are our neighbors? Who are our brothers and sisters? Who are we to love?
Hello,

I just joined this forum but with a clear message like this I do believe this is a forum worthy to be called a Christian forum. I am happy to have found this place so I can learn the Word of God. Praise the lord for all these Christians here to guide unsaved trash. I hope I will find the right way to the Lord.
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BlackTea808 BlackTea808 is offline
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 05-27-2015, 05:44 AM

Praise God!


Ezra 10:3 Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 05-27-2015, 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackTea808 View Post
Praise God!
Always a good thing at any time, but is that all you have to say?


Psalm 53:1
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.
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~AsTheClockTicks ~AsTheClockTicks is offline
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 12:31 AM

Thank you! I accept God and Jesus and I follow their commandments! But what am I supposed to do while I am under investigation?
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 12:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~AsTheClockTicks View Post
Thank you! I accept God and Jesus and I follow their commandments! But what am I supposed to do while I am under investigation?
Ye shall know them by their fruits....
Matthew 7:17


So, let's see your fruits!



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 12:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~AsTheClockTicks View Post
Thank you! I accept God and Jesus and I follow their commandments! But what am I supposed to do while I am under investigation?

Why don't you start with a proper introduction in the introduction forum.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 02:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~AsTheClockTicks View Post
Thank you! I accept God and Jesus and I follow their commandments! But what am I supposed to do while I am under investigation?
Wonderful! Start an introduction forum, like you are instructed to do!


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Love Jesus Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 02:35 AM

Praise !

I got so excited, I forgot to say ...



Thank you Jesus, for coming in my heart ...

... and for freeing me from the damnation of Hell-fire on account of my abominable GAYSEXUALITY ...

... but most of all, for making me a new man (2 Corinthians 5:17) and a True Christian™!

I love you, and I hate sin.

Please take everything I am, and everything I have, and use it for Your Will.

Amen!

Yours, anew in Christ!

James


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"... And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six." (Revelation 13:17-18)
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Default Re: How Do I get Saved? A Guide for the Lost! - 06-07-2015, 03:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
So, let's see your fruits!
Yeah, whip 'em out.

This thread is nothing without fruits.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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